Second Review: HIM - rimyung  || Reviewed by: banabestfriend26

 Title: 3/5
 
I don't mean to be harsh from the beginning but "HIM" doesn't really ring a bell, it's not memorable or interesting to look at. On the other hand,
I gave it a three because it has the mysterious feel in it that makes the readers curious about what you're writing..

Description/Foreword: 4/5 

The description looked effortless. Like you typed it and published it without doing anything. But as I always say, pretty forewords doesn't give
you a pretty story. Plus point because you didn't reveal too much of your story but I also found some mistakes:

He is the one who cheer you up in your downs, the one who lend his hand to support you, he is the one who promise to love you, 
he is the one who make you fall in love with him and yet he is the one to broke your heart...and the first person that take leave from your life..Leaving you alone..

>> He is the one who cheered you up when you're down, the one who lent his hand to support you, he  promised to love you, 
he made you fall in love with him and yet he is the one who broke your heart..And the first person who left you alone.

Story Plot/Originality: 9/10
Honestly, it looked like a chapter story. It's not that original but it's not that cliche either.

Flow: 8/10 
The flow disappointed me. I was a little interested in your story (because I love dramas) but the flow was jumpy. You could add some sentences 
to make it better. Something like:

"A few months later, I..." or something like that.

Second, I think it would be better if you elaborate it further. For example, instead of saying that 'you' ran in the rain, grabbed your jacket and boarded a plane to NYC, you could add some paragraphs about how she felt or how she did that.

Grammar/Spelling: 6/10

So here's the complicated part: 

CHANGE:   

“Oppa if you’re jocking then it's not funny at all” you said in shocking manner when kyuhyun say that

“I’m serious” looking the seriousness in kyuhyun eyes you know that he is serious

TO:   

“Oppa if you’re joking then it's not funny at all!” you said in shock when you heard him say that.

“I’m serious." he said. the seriousness in his eyes made you believe in his words.

CHANGE: 
 tears threatening to fall from your eyes, you don't know your fault but still you admit as you've done something wrong.

TO:

 Tears threatened to fall from your eyes. You apologized though you know you didn't do anything wrong.

CHANGE: you pleaded again Kyuhyun not to break up with you as Kyuhyun began to walk out.
TO: you pleaded again as you watch Kyuhyun walk out.

CHANGE:  without any reasons he break up with you, why he suddenly do this to you, 
you don’t know, you love him, you love kyuhyun so much that you can sacrifice anything for him.

TO:  without any reasons, he broke up with you. You don't know why he did this to you.
 You love him, to the point that you can sacrifice anything for him.

CHANGE:  You stood up feeling sore in your leg for sitting too long in the rain, with 
your drenched cloth you rush to Kyuhyun apartment, you need the reason why he break up with you.

TO:  You stood up ,your leg feeling sore for sitting too long in the rain, with your 
drenched clothes, you rushed to Kyuhyun apartment. You need to know the reason of your break-up.

CHANGE:You stand in front of his apartment and knock on his door. After a few knock he opens the door,
 “why are you doing here” he ask you sternly, _____ was about to answer his question when she heard Seohyun voice

TO: You stood in front of his apartment and knocked on his door.
 After a few knocks, he opens the door, "What are you doing here” he ask you sternly, you were about to answer his question when
you heard Seohyun voice.

CHANGE: she said giving you a smirk,
TO:  she said with a smirk

CHANGE:you aren’t able to say further the view of Seohyun make you so shock.
 Seohyun is in love with many times did she try to get Kyuhyun but had always fail to do so.

TO: you aren’t able to say anything further because of the view of Seohyun.
Seohyun is in love with Kyuhyun and she tried to get him many times but had always fail to do so.

CHANGE:  Kyuhyun stand on the roof of a tall building viewing the beautiful city “I succeed to get out of your life making you go away from me”
 he thought hitting his head “Pabo, I forgot how am I going to leave without my life” he said “without you in my life _____-ah, 
my life is nothing, I can’t live without you by my side” he said smiling, a tear slide from his eyes, the glimpses of you smiling “saranghae _____-ah” 
he said and jump off the building as your flight take off.

TO:  Kyuhyun stand on the roof of a tall building viewing the beautiful city “I succeeded. i made you go away from me.”
he thought,hitting his head “Pabo, I forgot how to live without you.” he said “Without you in my life _____-ah, my life is nothing, 
I can’t live without you by my side.” he said smiling, a tear slide from his eyes, as he sawt glimpses of you smiling. “Saranghae _____-ah” he said
and jumped off the building as your flight took off.

NOTE: First, Please be careful of your punctuation marks and capitalization.  Second, I didn't finish checking all the grammar since it would be far too long. I only fixed the general mistakes. 

Enjoyment: 8/10
I love this story. I immidiately saw the plot and I know you worked hard to describe and elaborate it further but
I found it difficult to read continously since I kept on noticing the grammar mistakes. I'm not perfect on that either but if you want the full correction, PM me :)

Total: 38/50