Way To Start Off The New Year...

Hey guys. Happy 2014.

 

Did you guys have a great beginning to the new year? Well I can say that mine was great...until about an hour ago...

 

When it comes to a new year, a lot of people want to change a bit about themselves so that they can improve for the better. Me, I wanted to be a better author to your awesome readers. I actually scolded myself harshly when a couple of you guys were saying that I don't update enough... So I wanted to improve. In fact, I wanted to surprize you guys with uploading the final chapter for the Holiday fan fic that I was actually working on. For the past couple of hours I've been busy typing up the bits and pieces of the story that I hand wrote in my story book a long time ago.

 

Eventually I decided to take a break and surf YouTube. When I got on the site, it said that I had a new comment to my MV reaction. Honestly, comments excite me. I get really eager to find out what someone has to say. That goes for my writing too. I love reading comments because then I know what I can work on, I know what you awesome readers are thinking about my stories and I know if whether or not I should tone down my spazzing for the videos. Yes I do get those comments where I feel bad about myself for being a bad author or something, but this YouTube comment really hurt me... Here's what it said,

 

"Weww...... U like a big girl..... Soooooo creepy _" 

 

Now, I'm pretty sure that English isn't their first langauge [If it is then that's a shame] and I don't mind international viewers. But when that's all of a comment I get...it hurts. It's not hard to tell who the big girl is [I'm pretty damn sure SNSD isn't a goup of 'big girls'] and being called creepy for loving my babies feels like I'm commiting a crime. I'm sorry I don't have a fit body type, let alone a body type like SNSD, but not everyone out there is going to be idol status.

 

For all I know though, this person is probably some immature teenager who acts before they think, but words are still words. Some of you might be thinking, "That's not even what they said at all" but I've heard plenty of cruel and rude things in my short life time to know that no matter who it's from or how they say it, they still hurt. I would have understood if it were a problem with my screaming, [I did that a lot], or if there were a problem with my camera quality, but no. The problem was because I'm a fatass who is a lesbian and is in love with SNSD.

 

I honestly try hard not to think about stuff like this, but it's just hard not to you know? You got insulted, not because of something you said, or how you acted, but simply because of how you look. I tried to push it out of my head. I tried laughing it off, I tried shruggging it off, I even tried blocking it out of my head completely with k-pop, but in the end, this thing has put me down so much that I don't think I'm gonna type all day tomorrow, if not all weekend. Mianhae everybody. It's just that I can't write fan fic when a certain emotion is stuck in my head. I said that before in one of my other blogs.

 

It honestly made me think though. If I'm this down when someone makes fun of me, how do the girls feel with all of those stupid anti's? Then that's when I realized that they're all practically dating and most likely don't care about the antis because they're too busy floating on cloud 9 or something. Hyoyeon's dating [unconfirmed], Yoona's dating [confirmed] and now Sooyoung's dating [unconfirmed]. It makes me wonder who else has been in a secret relationship this entire time. Hell, with the way this news is coming out, this is probably a count down to the girls' comeback. Tell everyone who they're dating and then hit the world with a comeback. And then where does that leave me? I'm the delusional, fat, lonely lesbian who wishes that they can date an SNSD member.

 

It's because of stuff like this that I put myself down constantly. That way, when someone else puts me down, I won't be hurt so bad because I've already said it to myself. I don't know...I told myself that I should smile more for 2014 and that I shouldn't be in such a bad mood half the time, but I guess not. Mianhae you guys, I just...I can't...

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insidethoughts #1
Hi chinggu!

First of all... I can't tell you not to feel bad at all about that harsh comment because it would hurt me too if I were to read something like that. All I can say is don't let it bring you down.

Seriously, you don't even know the person who wrote that. If you mourn about it, he/she wins. Think of it as part of life. We cannot please everyone. We were never born to please everyone. We're born to live life the way we want it, just make sure we don't hurt other people.

Cheer up! Just remember that there's more to you than what other people see. And you don't have to prove them anything. :)
Taenyforevarz #2
Oh and the updating thing? Seriously that's like a grain of sand on the beach of everyone's problems. As long as you don't give up and abandon your story like so many others here on AFF, you've still got my respect and my following as a reader. I love your story and honestly don't mind waiting a few months for a chapter. Don't let these small problems other people cause pile up on you :)
Taenyforevarz #3
Sorry the word limit was 2000... Haha I didn't realise I wrote so much in the comment.

Anyways, I went through a really pathetic phase when I was in high school. Always feeling depressed because all the other guys were better looking than me, went to the gym and were pretty buff, they always got the attention from the girls. My friends were smarter than me while I struggled so much with my education. All that stuff.

But then in my last year, I kind of learnt to ignore that stuff and think about the good things that happen. I started feeling more confidant and happy, I was more determined to exercise and study hard. And in the end, it paid off hugely! (My last year of high school being 2013 :P) I got a fantastic score that could get me into medicine and becoming a doctor, I have so many more friends that I never thought I'd get a long with... All that good stuff. Plus I'm not too bad on the 'muscle' side of things either XD

My point is that these things happen in everyone's life, just try to take a different perspective and ignore the bad stuff. They eventually pass and you learn from these moments and become stronger.

I hope this wasn't too much of a hassle to read >_< haha for some reason I just got a bit passionate.
Taenyforevarz #4
Urghhh, If the girls want to reveal they're dating. I'd rather they just all do it at once. It's annoying to think about a 'countdown' cuz that would turn their relationships into some stupid novelty used as a promotional act for their next album. That would upset me more than finding out Taeyeons been dating some douchebag all these years or something. I know a lot of people are going crazy and are rather upset about the soshi dating and stuff for a whole bunch of reasons. But tbh, I've been waiting for this day for the past few years. I always get so sad thinking about the girls not being able to date cuz they're so busy. I'm actually quite happy for Yoona and SooYoung, although I am a bit out of the loop when it comes to the Kpop news... So I don't really know much about the guys they're dating. I'm still waiting for Taeyeon to find her soul mate (pushing aside my Taeny delusions for the moment) and I'm just praying he's as much of a good guy as Lee seunggi.

But anyways I get what you mean with the whole comment thing though. It's hard to grow a thick skin, especially if you don't want to come off as being a cold douche bag to everyone you meet. Maybe it's just because I'm a guy, but this kind of stuff... You really just have to tough it out. You grow from these experiences even if you feel like everyone's against you. You gotta give yourself some private time and actualy think about all the good things that's happened. I'm sure there's a hell of a lot of good things that have happened but your just focusing on the bad stuff. It's natural for that to happen though.

Try not to let people's comments about your appearance affect you so much, I mean your weight is always something you can change with determination and hard work. But if you always push yourself down and let these bad things win over your mind, it's gonna be more of a repulsion to others than your appearance... Because let's face it.. No one wants to hang around someone whose always a downer.
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