So, I don't usually do reviews, but I guess I did say in my profile that I'd review if people specifically requested. Carminisafatcat sent me a nice message about it and it's a one-shot, so here it goes:

This Isn’t Goodbye by carminaisafatcat

Title (5/5)

Although it’s not the most eye-catching title on this site, I couldn’t find a legitimate reason to deduct points. “This Isn’t Goodbye” is a short, simple title, but it relates well to your story and reveals some of the major themes of your one-shot. For example, it hints at farewell as one of the central themes while “This Isn’t” reveals underlying sentiments of hope. It also suggests ideas about the story’s tone; mixing the sadness associated with “goodbye” with the modifying words “this isn’t” suggests bittersweetness. The title fulfills its duty, so 5/5, yay.

Description/Foreword/Layout (3.7/5)

Let me explain how I got 3.7 out of 5. I gave your description, foreword, and layout separate scores and then took the average.

I gave your description a 2 because you put a line from the lyrics of a Train song as your description. While that does reveal a bit of the inspiration behind this story, it doesn’t tell me much about your story. The description is very important because it’s one of the first things readers see when they find your story. But because you didn’t really put a proper description, readers won’t know what your one-shot is about and they may not choose to invest enough time to find out for themselves. I gave your description a two; I couldn’t give you a 1 because since the scale is only from 1 to 5, a 1 would be like getting a 0 and I don’t think the quote was that bad of a mortal sin to get a 0.

Your foreword got a 4 because your included an informative author’s note that did reveal the inspiration behind your story, and I thought it was interesting how you were motivated to write this after paying close attention to some lyrics. But since it wasn’t an actual foreword, I had trouble giving it the full 5. That’s okay, though, I don’t think the foreword matters quite as much as the description, and it’s only an author’s note anyway, so I don’t think readers will fault you for it.

Your layout got a 5 because it was easy to read. Layout isn’t really a big deal to me unless I can’t read the words. I think that’s why I actually prefer the normal font over manipulated layouts.

Characters (8.5/15)

Your characterization is fine. At some points, the main girl and Suho’s characters feel somewhat forced, and I think that part of the problem there is that there needs to be more balance between inner thoughts, actions, narration, and dialogue. You’re able to capture the main girl’s thoughts and feelings well in your narration and through inner-monologue types of description, but I think it’s still a little bit lacking in action and dialogue. I’ll discuss this more when I talk about your writing style.

Overall, I think your characterization is fine, but I’m having trouble giving you the full 15 because Suho is somewhat boring. Just from my experience, I find that the element that helps make the best characters is tension, and I feel like there’s missing tension in Suho’s character. The main girl’s character benefitted from tension between her feelings for her best friend, her fears, and the great lifestyle change she’s about to make. Tension has a way of keeping things gritty, and because there isn’t tension in Suho’s character, he comes off as a little boring. I had hopes for his character in the beginning when you described him as being angry, and I was a little disappointed when you didn’t develop further how he detested the selfishness of the people in the park. I feel like you could have struck gold with that; righteous Suho, the wealthy boy who thirsts for social justice, thus leading him to his attraction toward Yunji. I know it's hard to capture character in a one-shot, but that's why it's so important.

Plot (9/10)

The main girl moved to South Korea from California during her high school years and began attending school in Seoul. There, she was bullied because of her differences but came to befriend Suho, who made efforts to speak to her despite the language barrier. Soon the girl began to develop feelings for her best friend but is discouraged from making her feelings known for fear of damaging her relationship with him or his relationship with his girlfriend.

So I couldn’t bring myself to give you the full 15 for plot only because it’s a girl-falls-for-her-best-friend trope, but I think you’ve taken this cliché story line and taken it in a different direction. Even though the main girl and Suho don’t end up together at the end, I actually love it that way even better. One thing I hate in stories is girl-falls-for-best-friend tropes that involves said best friend being in a relationship which ends and leads to the girl and the boy finally getting together. I feel like it totally ignores the fact that there must have been a reason the best friend fell for his previous girlfriend in the first place. But I think the final scene in your story was great.

Suho asserted his love for Yunji and his admiration for the main girl. People (fanfic authors) sometimes forget that love isn’t a matter of either-or. Love is infinite, and it’s totally possible for Suho to love his best friend and love his girlfriend without losing anything.

Just as a note though, the airport scene did bother me a little. Not necessarily because airport goodbye scenes are also cliché. It was more because it was a little unrealistic; the airport gates are further down the terminal, on the other side of the airport, and to get there, you’d have to pass the security checkpoint area. Only ticketed passengers are allowed past the checkpoint area, so in order for Suho to have confronted the girl at her gate, he’d need a boarding pass, which I don’t think he had. Same for the girl’s mother, but I think she was behind the checkpoint area (???)

Style/Grammar (15/15)

Your style is good. You certainly have a grasp of writing conventions already, seeing as you started your one-shot in media res and made use of parallel sentence structure. Watch out for semi-colons, though; oftentimes throughout your one-shot, you didn’t need them. Also, parallel sentence structure is a great writing tool, but be careful not to abuse it too much, lest your writing come off as repetitive or lacking in syntactical variety. Also, be decisive about your adjectives. In the first half of your one-shot, I feel like you use too much, and then it just sounds wordy.

Although the flashback scene was cute, I feel like it was a bit unneeded. It’s good for illustration but because it was so abrupt, there wasn’t enough time to get invested in the emotions of the flashback before it suddenly cuts back to the present. So, modify it, find a smoother transition, or find a way to incorporate the themes and emotions of that scene without using flashback. Sometimes you miss a word or two in your narration but I think it’s just because you’re probably typing really fast, but not as fast as your mind goes through the words. Type carefully!

Of course, you’ll improve as you continue writing and experiment with your style. Overall, I have zero complaints about your writing. Good job!

Total Score: 41.2/50 (82.4%)

Also! All you lovely people reading this should go check out her story! :)