I envy all of the kfans. I mean, they're breathing the same air their idols are breathing, they get to watch them live on music shows and they get the best concerts ever. While me, an international fan, only gets to see them online and such. And if they ever go to my country, I only have a 20% chance of going since there's so many fans who also likes to go and see them, also because I'm really poor and I don't have the money to pay for those kinds of thing. (I'm going to college next year, okay? So, that's why I'm pretty much of a loser when it comes to money right now.)

I know it's kind of odd for me to write a thing like this but I don't know, it just frustrates me whenever I see a kfan so happy because she got to see her idol face to face. I mean, I get to face to face Kyungsoo too but the difference is, I'm seating here while looking at him through my computer screen on youtube. Do you get me?

I just want to scream and cry at the same time, to just pull my hair and jump out of the window.

It's just really frustrating and I might sound a little immature and the like but I just can't help it. Being a kpop fan for 4 years straight and not seeing at least one of your idol on stage with you in front, jumping along with your fellow fangirls, it hurts your fangirl pride and fangirl heart. (I've already seen Big Bang on stage but I wouldn't count it as something so great since I was at the very back of the concert hall, at the top most section and I only got to see the top of their heads, which .)

Well, this is a rather random rant. I just actually finished watching the fancams for Christmas Wonderland of EXO and F(X) and , the feelings just suddenly came.

.

Sigh. One day, I swear, I'll be included in those sea of fangirls. Haha.