It's all so simple yet complicated

So bored, and I want to help a friend. :)

 

 

Let me start with this: It hurts to lose friends.

But there are many other things that hurt far more than that.

Wanna know a few? Here:

--When a really close family member/loved one dies so suddenly.

--When you find out that your entire life was a lie.

--When you realize that the guy you've loved for so long will never love you back.

--When you try so hard to bury memories of someone breaking your trust yet that person keeps coming back.

And so many more... There are so many things we should all be worried about, and be even afraid of...

But what does it mean when losing a friend equates to all of the things mentioned above?

Honestly, IT . And that isn't made up. It really does happen, and when it does, expect chaos and discord.

But it more for the person who appears to be the bad-guy in these situations where there's a friend-vs.-friend in a group issue, cause apparently, people nowadays jump to conclusions so much and make their own generalizations to certain situations to the point that they fail to see the other end.

They see one side and BOOM! It's all over, ladies and gentlemen, and we have a side. That's it. Bull.

Surely, being friends they could absolutely claim and say "I know her well enough, she made the mistake." Oh come on! Really? Back to elementary, are we?? Have you ever been in her head? Have you ever even taken HALF A MINUTE to stop and think, 'have I treated her the way I treated the others?'? Really?

Do you think you know what she goes through every day and night? In her home, in her outside activities, even within her own mind, DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON? The answer is no. No. You don't know anything about her. You don't know who she really is and who she wants to be. You don't know what she thinks of the words coming out of your mouth. You don't know half the things she wants to say because you're too insensitive to care and too blind, and you're even taking sides!

She's not stupid. She can see things, maybe even things she doesn't want to see. And it's those things that brings her to tears (almost), knowing that she trusted air. She trusted something that's almost inexistent to begin with.

She always knew her friendship with people such as yourselves would come to this, she just didn't expect it to happen this quickly, and probably, this shallowly.

 

I don't know, maybe it's just how I saw how my friend was being treated the other day that lead me to write this down. It's just annoying how her friends treat her now just cause she missed a few outings with them... It to know that some people really would find it so easy to replace a part of their group just to prove a point.

What exactly are they trying to prove? Well, who cares now. If that's how they treat a "friend" of theirs then so be it.

 

Please comment if you guys know what to do in a situation like this so my friend would know what to do with her group of friends! She's very irritated with what they're doing to her, and it would really help us both if you would suggest solutions :)

 

P.S. Do not suggest "TALK TO THEM" because those people avoid her. XD Just so you guys know. Thanks!

 

So to the girl who inspired me to write this, thank you. :) Love you . XD >:D<

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XxTWisTEDxX #1
I also believe that this kind of misunderstandings could've been avoided if you told everything you posted up there, the moment you felt them to your friends. Your friends are there to listen and to care, not to criticize. I admit, sometimes friends slip up, but you forgive them, 'cause they're your friends, your sisters (I'm assuming they're all girls here :))), your family.

I hope you find my comment useful, and I am truly sorry you are going through this with your friends... If you find yourself and your friends getting through this problem together, know that your bond with each other will strenthen, and there will rarely be things that can cause these kinds of disputes to stir up again. If however, you don't find yourself and your friends getting through this together, just be thankful for the great memories you had with them and I'm sure they'll do the same. :)

BUT ARICECOMET, I urge you to talk to them. Completely losing friends hurts more than you think. I'm sure neither you nor your friends want to experience that.

I hope you and your friends make it ^o^
XxTWisTEDxX #2
I agree with taeyangislove, everything you're feeling might be the exact same thing they're feeling. It's best to clear things up personally than asking strangers on the net, honestly, some people might be just stalkers :))

I admit, it's easy taking sides when you only know one side of the story, I've been there, and I know how it feels... But what I found the most frustrating was that there was no possible way for me to find out the other side of the story, especially when the party who knows that side doesn't talk to me.

There are many things that I regret doing in these sorts of disputes, but I can't rewind time, what I can do is listen to the other side of the story.

Aricecomet, your friends are most probably just confused, and going through a lot of things more than you know... But what I can assure you, what I can guarantee you, is that your friends ARE willing to listen to you. All you have to do is talk to them.

Cont>>
M4C4BRE #3
…And we all solved this through communicating, being calm and not quickly assuming things, being fair and even, and most of all OPEN MINDEDNESS.

Cheongmal mianhada if this is way too long for a stranger to help, really sorry, its just that my friends are here now with me, and we treat this as the hardest obstacle in our relationship, yet the obstacle that made us so much stronger. We're now crying, you know! ^^ ke ke ke so embarassing. Just be humble! See things from the group's point of view, and be honest above all! ^^

You should tell her to talk to them. That is the only way, chinggu! HWAITING! You can do this if both groups will cooperate! I hope she will be fine soon, and back with her friends. ^^
M4C4BRE #4
..and find out.

So the questions you typed, I will answer in the way i cleared up mine, arasso? ^^

"Have you ever been in her head?" : have I ever been in theirs to assume this?

"Have you ever even taken HALF A MINUTE to stop and think, 'have I treated her the way I treated the others?'?" : did I stop and think that I might have been treating them the same way they are doing to me? did I find a way to reach out and clear up misunderstandings?

"Do you think you know what she goes through every day and night? In her home, in her outside activities, even within her own mind?" : Do I know what could have been playing through their minds while i get by every day? That maybe i must have done something that they found wrong, but was actually fine for me? Do I see things the same way as them?

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON?" : do I know what's going on? do I know WHY this is happening?

And still the answer would be No. It is true that they may not know anything about me, but I do not know anything about them either. Who am I to accuse or to assume these things on them when I myself do not know their own side? DO i know their side?

Both groups know their own sides. And stay that way. Until they meet up in the middle to solve all of this. I knew they were being insensitive, cold, and blind. So closed. Yet i came to realize that I too was insensitive, closed, cold and blind. There must be a reason why they felt that way, and they need to know how i felt too.

My friends did not know ANYTHING.

I didn't know anything, either. :)
>>CONT
M4C4BRE #5
Annyeong, aricecomet-ssi~

I dont know if you know me, but i've seen you comment on leap of faith. and i stumbled upon this whn i was brwsing for blogs. and i wnt to help! sorry if my grammer will be wrong, im working on my english still, mian! ^^

it truly is heartbreaking, i agree with you on that. i was in the same situation as the person here a few years ago.

frm what i see now, the 2 groups are both feeling the same chaos wfeeling. and you said that the group dont talk to her right? and that means that the person would not even attempt to talk to the group because of that now? (this is so hard to figure out. i didnt know helping people will be hard if i do not know the situation, keke~)

i will tell you what my proffessor said, in the basic rule in solving conflicts between people: it is through communication. conflict will not solve itself, nor they do not piece up together without any action from both sides. so wheter they like it or not, both sides have to talk to solve this. That is, if they still want to be friends. And i know if one is a true friend, this will just be an obstacle one have to surpass ^^

now about the sidings, well we all have to know that they are all at fault. For the person who has been hearing the group and their generalizations and conclusions, i know you feel the hurt. and i felt the same way too before. i knew what i saw, heard what i heard, and felt so horrible. i felt betrayed and prejudiced, knowing people saw me differently because of something that's nottrue. But I knew that it was partially my fault too. Yes they may have made their fault's end by assuming and make concluding, but onthe other hand i made myself too affected and closed-minded on my behalf that i didnt notice i was assuming and making prejudices too. I wouldnt truly know what's going on in their minds, as they do in mine, because we are left with silence for answers! You cannot go anywhere with that! Both sides will never really know until they talk...CONT >>
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