yes, hi! im back with another PERSONAL blog post (heck yeah!!)

//so just a reminder, if you do not care what i say here, then pls see mr. exit button//

this is personal. and um, this blog post is kind of (just a lil) related to my other blog post titled "this is weird"

so, where do i start? //heaves

i like him. i have a crush on him. AND WTAF IDFK WHAT TO DO EOTTEOKHAE?

LOL SORRY we were friends like since first year of high school and i ing do not know why WHY I STARTED TO CRUSH ON HIM I IN HATE MYSELF FOR IT

but is2g, it isn't my fault why i...like him. damn. he's gentlemen, he's cute (no questions pls), he's chariSMAtIC, lol, um, what else?

he's an erudite. joke. ((why did the divergent faction throw here)) 

but the main point is...

i kept on thinking like every night if i really should care about my feelings for him. 

he likes somebody else which happened to be PRETTY ((THO IT SOUNDS LIKE AN UNDERSTATEMENT)), INTELLIGENT, IN WHITE, IN PRETTY AGAIN, IN GOOD, 

AND ME?

IM JUST A NUGU WTF. THATS THE TRUTH.

truthhh hurts. /kills self/ im not pretty as her ((i can manage that)), im not fair, im not cute, im chubby, i do not have a pretty smile

but atleast, i have a good heart.

///CAN I GET A HELL YEAH??? CMON///

but seriously tho, he likes her and she likes him, and i like him. i fee like a third party.

i should quit. i should stop caring. I SHOULD STOP YEAH.

Quiting means giving up. but i dont have any choice might as well give up before anything starts to hurt and scar

/sobs/ i always give up everything yknow like when i love someone or something, i always give up on them, and rather see them go with someone else. its hard but its getting easy for me.

no wonder, my faction is abnegation. selfless. ((HERE COMES DIVERGENT LOVE AGAIN))

im used to it. i prefer to be quiet and let them go in silence. im not cold, im just, idk, too easy to give up.

im not that strong yet everybody says, im not that smart yet everybody says it too.

im just a girl who loves someone who just sees me as a friend, close friend, an ordinary girl.

i shouldn't care anymore. ill see.

note: my tears were falling when i typed this. its damn emotional so dont judge me. please no

tbh, it already hurts