Personality:
If everyone who has ever known me, even in passing, had to come up with one adjective to describe me, they would most likely pick shy. After all, this is the quality about myself I hear most often from others, since my quiet nature is my most immediately noticeably quality. I'm a very reserved person because I worry about ruining the image people have of me by showing them my negative qualities; I don't want people to think badly of me. So I hold back my ideas and opinions, just in case they conflict with someone else's, and turn into the ultimate yes-woman. Unless it seriously conflicts with my feelings or values, I'm likely to go along with whatever somebody suggests; or, at the very least, do my best to not outrightly turn the other person down. I hate conflict and try my best to get along with others by being kind and gentle, as well as sensitive to their feelings. Perhaps the second most frequently used adjective in relation to me is sweet, but I don't think that I'm really all that sweet of a person. I do genuinely care about other people and want to see them happy, but I can also be very selfish. Of course I want to see other people happy, and I'll do whatever I can to make sure that happens, but there is only so long a person can go before they begin wanting others to start paying them just as much attention.
I try to hide this from others, though, because as I mentioned before, I would much rather have people see me as sweet and wholly selfless than as bitter. I do have my negative sides, though, just like any other human in existance. It isn't easy to pacify me when I'm angry or upset, and I'm not very quick to forgive others. If someone I'm close to and have opened up to hurts me, it will take a long time for me to trust them again- in fact, I may never be able to put my full trust in them. I hold grudges even after the situation has been fixed and I'm no longer angry, and will hold the person's actions or words against them for an unecessarily long time. I get jealous easily, and hate seeing the people I consider friends getting close to others; it's wrong of me, I know, but I want people to only focus on me. Maybe it's because I'm scared of being ignored and left all by myself, or because I unfairly expect something in return for my selflessness. Either way, it doesn't make me a very good person, does it?
When it comes to being alone, though, I'm not necesarrily against it. In fact, I occasionally find it necessesary for my sanity. Sometimes, I just need a moment to myself to recharge after being around other people all day. An introvert at heart, I would wither away to nothing if I were forced to be sociable and interact with a world besides the one in my head for too long- I'm definitely a daydreaming space case. I do like being around people, though. I'm interested in getting to know others and am usually pretty good at guessing what people are like after a short time of getting to know them; I do my best to pay attention to others and, although I have a terrible memory, I work hard to remember important things about them. It makes people feel important and cared about when you remember what they say, after all. Though, as great as I can be with people, I'm not so good when it comes to picking up on social cues- especially subtle ones. When that happens I tend to make embarassing mistakes, get flustered, and spiral down into a seemingly neverending black hole of feeling excessively embarassed.
Because that is what mistakes are: humiliating and inexcusable- at least, that's what I tell myself; others tend to disagree with me. I'll admit that the reason I don't like trying new things is because I'm afraid of failing and making a fool of myself, but isn't that natural? I know that I tend to be kind of hard on myself, but it's what I have to be if I want perfection from myself. Every task I take on must be done right the first time, or else I'm... well, stupid is a harsh word, but it is fitting. I hate when I make mistakes or can't perform a task properly, so I avoid situations where I'm not one hundred percent confident. When I do make mistakes, I tend to remember them for a lot longer than necessary, and will beat myself up about them. It's a miserable habit that I've been trying to break, but I just can't seem to stop being a perfectionist- only for myself, though. Other people make mistakes, it's only human, and that's okay; it's just when I make them that it isn't, because I know that I can do better.
The only area of my life I tend to be lenient with myself in is whenever I'm being creative or exercising my imagination. Then, mistakes are made to be learned from, and I have such a passion for the arts that I'm quick to take in the lessons and get better. I have a strong affinity for aesthetics and beauty, and will become a giddy school girl whenever I find or create something pleasing to any of our five senses. It is a genuine pleasure to create something with my own two hands, and I swear that I could spend every waking hour of my life doing just that and be the happiest person on the planet.
Likes:
Cashews: These nuts were a gift from God himself. I could eat nothing but cashews for the rest of my life and never get sick of them! They're the only nut I like.
Oranges: Whether juiced or straight from the tree, I love oranges. You have to eat them when they're in season, though, because otherwise they lose the juicy sweetness that makes them so delectably wonderful. You can have orange-smelling shampoo and body wash all year 'round, though!
Animals: I love animals of all shapes and sizes and seem to get along well with them, but if I had to pick a favorite I would have to go with wolves. They're mysterious and noble creatures that are associated with both independance ("lone wolf") and reliance (living in packs), sort of like me. Not to mention all the intriguing mythology revolving around them. A close second on my list of beloved creatures are Red Pandas, because they're so sweet and adorable!
Learning: I never was much of a fan of sitting in a classroom for what felt like the rest of my life, but school was made bearable by the fact that I like learning new things. Broadening your view of the world is necessary to a person's happiness, in my opinion, so I go to the library often and have a bunch of daily trivia apps on my iPhone.
Photography: Although a photographer myself, it isn't just my pictures that I enjoy looking at. It's still an infant art form (if you consider how long of a history more traditional mediums have) and has its share of critics, but I'm convinced that a photography can be just as beautiful as a painting, and that both artists put in an equal amount of work. I tend to get a little jealous when I see an amazing photo someone else has taken, because they got lucky and were able to find such great subject matter! It's a friendly kind of jealousy, though. Since getting into fashion photography, I've really fallen in love with the work of Annie Leibovitz. However, my favorite photographer of all time is Ansel Adams- though Roselien Raimond comes in a close second!
Children: Contrary to popular belief, little kids aren't stupid. They're more like small adults than what most people perceive as kids, and that's what makes them so much fun to be around! I can't help but want to take care of kids and be like an older sister to the ones I'm close with- even if I don't always know what I'm doing, kids aren't judgemental and won't criticize or think poorly of me if I make a mistake.
Rom-Coms: Look me in the eye and tell me you don't agree that, sometimes, a cheesy romantic comedy is just the thing you need. The romance in them is always so pure and unconditional, but the borderline sappiness is easily balanced out by the hilarity these movies and television shows also contain.
Webtoons: Although I read a variety of webtoons when I've got the time, I'm devotedly following Penguin Loves Mev- a cute story about an couple and their lives. The story only updates every Wednesday, though, so I fill up the extra time in between by perusing other webtoons. I once thought about starting a webtoon myself, but nothing all that interesting happens to me and I don't have the writing ability to make something up- not to mention I'm not an artist. That's okay, though, because I have photography!
DSLR Cameras: These are the Angels of the photography world, and the people who own them are one short step away from God. While people usually imagine girls drooling over shoes or jewelry, I'll melt into an awe-inspired puddle if I spot one of these cameras. Especially the ones with telephoto lenses!
Sweaters: Sweater-weather is not around nearly enough, so I always make sure to take advantage of it when it does come. I absolutely love wearing sweaters that are just slightly too big for me, because it's like wrapping yourself up in a blanket and getting to walk around in it all day. I always have to avoid the clothing sections of stores and malls as the weather cools because the temptation to buy every sweater in sight is often too strong for me to resist.
Thunder & Lightning Storms: This is especially true when they occur at night. I love to sit at the window and watch the lightning flash across the sky while listening to the rain. The power of lightning never ceases to amaze me, and the louder the thunder the better. I would rather not be caught outside in one of these storms, though!
Dislikes:
Takeout: It tastes delicious, don't get me wrong, but something about it just doesn't agree with my stomach and I always end up feeling miserably ill afterwards. Because of this, I would rather take the time to make something myself or go out to eat at a restaurant than put myself through that unpleasantness.
Public Speaking: I can do it if I'm forced to, but I'm not very good at it and will definitely come across as awkard. I'd much rather listen to others speaking. This even includes casual conversation with people I'm not too close with, especially if they unexpected ask me to say something. I get flustered easily, and end up tumbling down that evil spiral of doom.
Blood: I'm not bothered by my own blood, but whenever I see others bleed or get injured I instantly become squeamish. I'll get nauseous and kind of freaked out, and absolutely cannot look. Even people getting hurt in action movies makes me uncomfortable, and I have to cover my eyes during those parts. If someone needs my help I'll do my best to provide first aid, though.
Dry Air: My skin gets extremely dry and chapped, and my hairs becomes a frizzy mess! It's such a pain to constantly be applying lotion and chapstick- not to mention carrying them and a dryer sheet (to keep the frizz down) with me at all times.
Tomatos: I'm not entirely sure what it is about tomatos that I dislike so much, but for some reason I just really, really don't like them. I can eat ketchup just fine (I actually like ketchup quite a lot!) and cooked tomatos are okay so long as they aren't in large amounts. It's just raw tomatos that I don't like eating.
Cucumbers: They're bland and have a horrible texture! I hate cucumbers!
Losing important things: For example, when I'm working on a document on the computer and accidentally exit out of the program. Or when my camera decides to run out of batteries and I can't squeeze a little more life out of them right before I'm about to take the best photograph of my life.
Pet peeves:
____ music isn't "real" music: What exactly is real music, then? Just because you don't like it doesn't make it any less legitimate than the styles that you do like. It isn't just music, either. If you try to delegitimize anything because it isn't to your particular taste, you will definitely get on my nerves.
People who shove through crowds and then act offended when they're either told off, pushed themselves, or have hit a spot in the crowd that they can't possibly get through- yet they still tend to try.
Overly friendly people: I like talking and otherwise socializing with people (within reason, of course), even perfect strangers, but just because we see each other in passing once or twice a week does not mean that we are friends. It's pretty uncomfortable when someone you don't know very well acts overly familiar with you, and especially when they seem to be expecting the same closeness from you. The only exception is the customers at Man-Wol, since I do usually get to chat with them while making their orders and am relatively close with them.
Fears:
Bees: I hate bees with a fiery passion. My heart will instantly start pounding the moment I see one, and if it comes too close my fight-or-flight instinct kicks in and I run away as far as I can. Occasionally, they like to follow people and this scares me so bad that I actually feel like I am about to die. If it gets bad enough, I'll start crying- or at least get close to it- and won't be able to stop shaking.
Pain: I know it's kind of selfish, but I'm only scared of me getting hurt. I feel bad when other people get hurt, but I'm not exactly scared for them. I worry a lot about my own safety, though, and tend to be overly cautious around situations that could result in serious amounts of pain.
Speed: I hate going too fast, especially when I don't feel secure. Roller coasters and other 'thrill' rides are definitely high on my list, but even something as simple as a bicycle going really quickly down a hill will scare me. Cars can also be pretty scary if I don't feel safe around the driver and we're moving at high speeds, but usually I'm okay with them.
Habits:
Playing with my lips: Chewing, biting, poking, , etc; there isn't really a specific reason for it, since I catch myself doing it all the time. I've been trying to break the habit since it isn't very good for my poor chapped lips, but it's an extremely super hard habit to break.
Taking my camera: I always bring my camera with me when possible, just in case I happen to see a photo worthy moment. Probably the only time I don't bring it is when I'm working or expecting to meet with someone who might not understand why I have it with me.
Humming: If I hear a song that I really love, or have one stuck in my head, it's only a matter of time before I start humming along to it. I've been told that it's kind of an annoying habit, especially since I do it without thinking and so will sometimes start humming at inappropriate times.
Hobbies:
Photography: My passion and my life. I never was much of an artist when it came to using traditional mediums like pencil or paint, but I can use a lens to capture what the world has already created. Although I ended up becoming a commercial photographer instead of an artistic one, I still value the possibilites photography holds for the art world. In my spare time- which I, unfortunately, have much more of now- I like to take abstract or macro photos of nature, since there is so much of the world that gets passed by because it can't be seen by the eye.
Guitar: I'm not very good, since I've only just started learning how to play, but I'm gradually beginning to pick it up. I can only practice when So Young isn't using it, though- it's her guitar.
Watching Movies: Since losing my job I haven't gotten to do this nearly as much as I used to, but So Young does still occasionally drag me the movies with her. Although curling up on the couch at home and watching films is fun, I like going to see them in the theater the most because the sound is really good and the screen is big, so you can see every little detail!
Style: Casual Chic
Trivia:
- My favorite dish is dumplings (favorite food in general is cashews)
- My favorite drink would have to either be orange juice or lemonade
- My favorite color is pearl white
- My current favorite singer is Jung Joon Young
- The camera I currently own is a Nikon Finepix S4300, and I have a 32 GB memory card I use with it (as well as two 1 GB memory cards as back up). They're my most prized possessions
- I try and sell some of my better prints for extra pocket money online, but they usually don't go for much
- I don't own any pets, but I help take care of So Young's turtle Rocky
- I still have a little bit of a Busan accent that shows through my practiced Seoul one
- I've self-taught myself some Japanese, Chinese, and English and can hold short, rather basic conversations in all of them
- Since I got a job so early, I didn't finish up my studies at University. Now that I've lost said job, I'm really starting to regret making such a hasty decision
- I have a ton of small prints that I've bought over the years hanging on my walls, as well as some of my prints that didn't sell
- I'm not a dirty person, but I do sometimes forget to shower- especially if I'm engrossed in something else
- I own a laptop that is on its last legs, so I try to use it as little as possible- I've only downloaded Photoshop and Adobe Bridge onto it, and don't use it for any other purposes
- I have a terrible lying face, and will quickly start smiling or laughing when I'm lying
- My parents own a seafood restaurant in Jung-Gu, Busan, near the Jagalchi fish market. It's really popular amongst the locals, but isn't well-known outside of the community.
- I do own a cell phone- So Young found a plan that would support two- but I try not to use it much since So Young is the one paying the bill.
- I don't have a very good sense of humor, and tend to miss the joke a lot of the time. For whatever reason, I just have a hard time understanding funny things, and I definitely don't like being silly.
Background:
Up until recently, I haven't had much an exciting life. I grew up in the Jung district of Busan, nearJagalchi market- the largest fish market in Korea. My grandfather had always been interested in the culinary arts, so he decided to start a restaurant when he was in his early twenties- naturally, considering our location, it was a seafood restaurant. After he and my grandmother retired from taking care of the restaurant, my dad took it over and has been running it since. About three years after my grandpa retired, by older brother was born, and then a year later I came along. I grew up helping my parents run the restaurant, and although it was fun to do so I never really wanted to take it over when I got older. I was always more interested in taking pictures of things, and my grandparents spoiled me by providing me with as many disposable cameras as I wanted.
For my fifteenth birthday, they bought me a real point-and-shoot camera- I still have it with me, even though the lens has jammed and it no longer works- and from there I started to really develop a passion for photography. When my brother graduated high school, he told my parents that, rather than going to university, he wanted them to save their money for me to attend and arts program after I had graduated, since he was planning on running the restaurant and wouldn't need any higher education for that. I'll never be able to repay him for that, even though he insists he didn't make any real sacrifice.
That's how I ended up attending Seoul Institute of the Arts after I graduated high school. It was hard having to move into a new city and leave my family behind, but they were all extremely supportive and called me often. While there, I happened to catch the attention of the editor for a fashion magazine- Yuhaeng Magazine. He hired me as a photographer for the company, and they offered to help me with paying for continuing my education- the money my parents had set aside for me was starting to dwindle, at that point, and things were getting tight. Unfortunately, I lost the job just a few months ago, when that same editor who hired me started making advances on me. I tried to politely deter him, but when the harassment turned into assault, I couldn't stand for it anymore and tried to report him. Unfortunately, Editor Kim held more sway with the company's higher-ups and was more important than a simple university photographer, so I was the one who ended up losing my job.
Now, I'm bumming off an old high school friend of mine who came to Seoul in the hopes of making it big with her Indie music group. The restaurant recently hit a rough spot and put my parents in debt, so I can't go and ask them to take me in again. Besides, I don't want to face my brother after I dropped out of university- since I lost the job, I can't afford to pay for it anymore. He sacrificed his own education so that I could pursue my passion, and I ended up wasting it. I also couldn't afford to pay the rent on my apartment, which is why I'm living with So Young. It's a small studio apartment, so I feel bad about taking up the little space she has, but So Young insists that she's happy to have my company. Still, I sleep on the floor and put every cent I earn from my new job- a barista at a coffee shop- towards paying rent and other expenses, so that I'm not a burden on So Young.
So Young is the one who is becoming burdensome, though. She wants me to get a boyfriend to spoil me, buy me pretty things, take me out to do fun things, and a bunch of other reasons, since I don't spend any of my money on myself. I say that she's crazy, but she's being very stubborn about it and has even started threatening to kick me out of the apartment if I don't stop looking so pitiful all the time. Since trying to hit on guys in the real world seemed a little intimidating- and likely to be fruitless- I decided to try my hand at online dating. I ended up finding EXO instead, though. I haven't actually told Soyoung that this is how I'm getting a boyfriend, since I'm not entirely sure if she would be satfisfied.
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