The Unexpected by Taokai

Story Title: (4/5)

The title is great, it gives a good insight about the story and definitely has relevance to the plot. I have to admit that I like your title, but I don't love it. I am one of those readers who is interested with short and simple titles but somehow, "The Unexpected" is just not it. It's a sort of love/hate relationship that I have these days with these types of titles. It is also pretty common and it doesn't have a kick to it that will grab a reader's attention. But overall, it's nice and works well with the story.   

Foreword and Description: (10/15)

Your description gives off the idea of what your story will be about, but I don't like it because I feel like it gives away too much. It's very bland and has nothing exciting to it, or anything that leaves the readers wanting for more. To me, the plot is great but it's just the description that doesn't lure the readers in. I honestly think you should rewrite your description. Try to include something that can spark the readers' interest and curiosity. Make it vague and exciting so the readers can anticipate in what's coming up next.

Moreover, you also have a lot of grammar and punctuation errors in your description. You tend to put commas at the end of every sentence and that's grammatically wrong. Commas are mainly used to separate parts of a sentence such as clauses and lists of three or more things. The right way to end a sentence or anything in the same particular, is with a period (.). I'm not going to talk about your foreword because it's mainly consisted of your notes as an author and character profiles. I, personally, am not a big fan of character profiles or descriptions but the sneak peeks you gave are acceptable so I'm just going to brush it off and leave it like that. But it would be better if you put an excerpt or a snippet from your story in the foreword instead of introducing your characters. One more thing, please be mindful of your spacing. You don't need to space before entering the punctuation used. 

Readability: (8/15)

Truthfully speaking, I had a little trouble reading your story. Your paragraphing is nice and neat but the grammar errors you have in your story kinda distracted me the whole time I was reading your story. You did a lot of mistakes in the usage of past and present tense, punctuation marks, capital letters and spacing. The only thing that you excelled in this part is spelling. Other than that, everything felt too awkward for me to read. My only advice for you is to re-read your chapters at least twice or more and check them thoroughly to fix your mistakes. If you can't seem to do it by yourself, you can always look for a co-author to beta your chapters. Below is not really a correction but more of something that I wrote to make your sentences more enticing and readable.

Before correction:  '' Jung Raeim please accept my love letter '' a boy who tired to confess at Raeim , but Raeim really don't like this kind of stuff so she just said no and smile. that boy freeze and run away while crying , and then there's a group of girl who called '' My My '' Raeim just silent and walk away. 

After correction: ''Jung Raeim, please accept my love letter.'' A boy with a medium height stood before the girl, holding out a piece of paper. He'd been trying to confess to Raeim ever since he got to know her and seeing how she was alone at the moment, he took this opportunity to tell her know how he felt. 

Raeim gazed at him with a questioning look before shaking her head. She let out a smile, a sweet smile that could melt any guy who is looking at her. "I'm sorry, but no."

The former froze. His eyes unblinking as he tried to form words. It took him a while to register the fact that he just got rejected by the girl that he was crushing on. His head hung low as he nodded, feeling so dejected by the blatant rejection he’d just received. As he his heels, Raeim took a deep breath. Her eyes glanced at a group of girls who were walking towards her direction. It was the group that called themselves MyMy. Raeim noticed the way the girls glared at her in disgust as they walked past her. Scoffing, Raeim just watched them leave and slowly walked away. 

See what I did there? The capital letters, where and how to put the punctuation marks in a sentence? That's how you should write them. I apologize for re-wording some of your sentences but I just want to show you the correct way to put the punctuation marks and how much better it looks when you write everything with only one tense and more details. You did mix up past and present tense in your story. Try to describe everything as much as you can. And please, look out for your spacing as well.  

Characterization: (11/15)

Your story has only two chapters and from what I've read so far, there still hasn't much of a character development to talk about. I tried reading your story a few times, to get ahold of your characters but I still couldn't figure them out. Your characters feel incomplete, I hardly know anything about Raeim and Kikwang, and they are the main characters. You write their actions but there's little about their feelings, emotions, opinions and intentions, anything that is what makes a character real and complete. And I'm pretty sure the image of Raeim would be blank in the readers' mind if it wasn't for the character profile. I understand that the story is just starting so I'm not going to dock off marks that much. I really hope you try to develop the characters as the story goes along.  

Originality: (12/15)

The plot, in my opinion, is a little cliché. A popular girl falling in love with someone very different from her. It's like those kinds of fics where two different worlds collide and I've stumbled upon them a lot of times already especially in the romance tag. But cliché isn't always bad. If you know how to deal with it, your story will do great. You can add in more spices and plot twist to your story to make it more special and memorable.

Plotline: (20/25)

I can't say much about the plotline because you only have two chapters posted. But the plot scheme is pretty predictable, though it hasn't fully developed yet. I'm not asking you to rewrite or anything, just keep on writing your chapters and make sure the plot develops as it goes. If you can, plan and draft out your story first because this will help you understand your story more.

Structure: (6/10)

The chapters link quite well together since you know how to make a cliffhanger and continue it, but the flow does feel weird and slow since your chapters are very short for a chaptered story. Your writing style too is somehow inconsistent. You sort of missed out certain description and another thing is that the description feels incomplete. I'm not even sure if Raeim has fallen in love with Kikwang at this point. I think you need to improve your writing by being more descriptive about your characters and plot. Don't worry, with a lot writing practices, I'm sure you can nail it.