I eat because it is another release for me.

I am not ‘overweight’ per say. Most of my family say that I always look good and I don’t need to lose any weight. I am 163cm and I weight 63kg. I don’t really feel the need to lose weight just lose the tummy fat. Having a mother who is an exercise nut and weighs less than her daughter (55kgs) can play a part I'm feeling overweight. She has always told me that I need to lose weight so I don’t end up obese, with arthritis or diabetes (they are common in my family). I can remember when I was in grade 3 and I weighted 37kgs and mum was telling me that I needed to lose weight. She used to make me ride my bike to my school 8kms away in Primary school, then once I moved into high school and wasn’t able to ride to school, I had to run 3-4km every day. She has now, that I’m older, lightened up on this but it is still basically nailed into my every day that I need to lose weight.

My parents are divorced, so I would lose maybe a kilo during the week when I was with my mum, but then on weekends when I was with my dad, I could basically do and eat whatever I wanted, so I put the weight back no. It was really a yo-yo cycle…

I’m 15, soon turning 16 and I want to prove to myself that I can actually do something and feel good about myself. I have always have low self-esteem and this was bought on by both my mum telling me that I need to lose the weight and people bullying me in primary school.

They weren’t bullying my because of my weight, it was really a whole other matter (that I don’t want to get into). But I found comfort in food, it was always there and when I was eating I wouldn’t think about the bullying that was happening.

I have always wanted to be skinny I have just never had the motivation to do it until now.

Kim Hyuna… When I first saw “Bubble Pop” I didn’t like the song or her, mainly because it sounded ‘too American’ and that was the reason I stopped listening to mainstream English music and switched to K-Pop. Basically at the start of the year Hyuna became my ultimate female bias. I hid this from my friends because they all hated her and I didn’t want to be shunned from the group. I know it sound stupid but it’s true… When Ice-cream came out I was more open with the fact that she was my ultimate (Ha! Lol it just came on shuffle….). Hyuna, from what I can see, is mainly viewed as one of the iest girls in K-pop because of the dances and songs that she promotes, I’m not complaining with any of this but it gets on my nerves when someone calls her a ‘’ or a ‘’ because of what her company makes her do. I think that I’m getting a bit off track…

Anyway, Trouble Maker has just come back with “Now” and after watching the music video and spazzing over how cute and adorable and t Hyunseung and Hyuna are together. I had a breakdown and a massive spazz, I may have saved over 350 photos of Trouble Maker (mainly Hyuna though). I saw how skinny she was and I was suddenly extremely envious of that. I am now completely open with the fact that I am obsessed with the person that is Kim Hyuna. Everyone that I know of accepts that and don’t really care… I’m not sure where I’m going with this………….

I am currently living in Japan but I’ll be back in (*insert hard core Australian accent*) bloody hot Straya in two months. I would start dieting now, but I don’t want to seem rude to the family that I’m staying with by not eating the food that they prepare. And it’s hard for me to say, “Hey, this is really nice and all but I’m trying to lose weight so can you not give me food, please” in correct Japanese without using Google Translate because that is like a piece of in a paper bag that was left on your doorstep waiting for you to step on it…

What I’m was really trying to say throughout the last 2 paragraphs is that I can’t start dieting now because I don’t want to seem rude and Hyuna is what I want to look like, she is my inspiration and no-one, I repeat NO-ONE, will take her away from me…

I have decided to follow one of the many diets that the k-idols follow, or alternatively just eat (your) kimchi (did you see what I did there???) for like 2 weeks…….

I actually think that the main reason for me wanting to lose my stomach fat is because I may or may not be doing a dance cover of “Now” (Yes, by Trouble Maker) and I want to good dancing it not with all my stomach fat hangin’ out everywhere…

I actually don’t know what I’m trying to do by posting this here…

I may or may not get hate from this idek, but I don’t really care at this point, I have decided about this and I’m sticking with it!!

BONUS:

Here’s my New Year’s Revolutions~~

1.       To go on a serious diet

2.       Control my anger (I tend to, at school, have an EXTREMELY short fuse and I want to shot this)

3.       Stop being such a (I may not say it but I’m a mean little in my head)

4.       Not let myself get down

That’s all I’ve got so far, and I may or may not add more to this list.

Here have a pat on the back for reading the whole blog post of my insanity….

Laters guys, peace out~ XoXo