〈 空灵 ETHEREAL REVIEWS 〉

 

Story: A Vampire's Adventure

Author: SS_7201

Reviewer: SWAGKYU / KYUTEINSPIRIT

 

TITLE: 3/5

♔ The title that you have chosen seems to give too much information just by itself. Although I should say that the title does fit the story, the title gives away too much of the story or plot. Instead of including the word vampire in your title, try another word that describes the mood. However, since I see you going more towards the cutesty and fluff direction, I think that something like "Hush!" may aid you in portraying the overall feeling of your story. ♔

DESCRIPTION / FOREWORD: 0/10

♔ WOW! Your foreword is super long!! I think that it's definitely telling way too much to the readers. The secret to successful stories is definitely suspense. How are you suppose to create suspense when I basically know the whole first half of your story already just by reading the description? Describing the character should be left to the actions and dialogue that will be in the story. The reader should be able to comprehend the characters personality while reading the story instead of just bluntly telling them. I personally think that the foreword could've been expressed throught the first few chapters of your story. In addition, when describing the characters in the foreword, try to stick with the main protagonists/antogonists that appear often and have a crucial part in the story. If they don't necessarily have an important role and are just here as extra characters, try to refrain from giving them descriptions. ♔

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT / SHOWCASING: 3/15

♔ As a story, the character should be developed within the story itself and the chapters that it has. I've never seen a book with a blurb that gives a detailed description and you may ask why? Of course, it's because the author has to portray the characters and slowly build upon them to reach the of his/her story. Because you developed the characters almost entirely within the foreword itself, I definitely think that the development in your future chapters will be very minimal and that will give you a bad build up towards your . As of showcasing your characters, I can get the overall feeling of each character and I must say you did a good job on doing that but once again, try to develop these characters as you go along writing your fanfiction. ♔

APPEARANCE: 4/5

♔ You gave off the cutesty and fluffy vibe very easily from your poster and also the background. Because of this, I think you will attract many readers who like the cutesty and fluffy look. It's a good look! The only thing I will advise you on is just your foreword. In my case, I don't like reading long forewords because they are just suppose to give you maybe a brief statement on the the story's plot and possibly leave you in suspense. When I read forewords, if they catch my eye and leave me in suspense, I then tend to read the fanfic. However, since your foreword is super long and there are a few grammar mistakes here and there, readers tend to not like these "mistakes" and like stories that are grammatically correct and have exciting/suspenseful plots. ♔

ORIGINALITY / PLOT: 5/20

♔ I've seen a lot of stories that have mean queenkas/kingkas whom bully other people and there's always this one girl that stands up for the ones being bullied. As for your vampire idea, I think it's pretty neat to have a "half-vampire". I might have seen some here and there but the concept is good. I've also seen a lot of crushes being mean and cold but in the end, they always tend to become nice and heartwarming to the girl. One last point, whenever there are stories where the main character has to choose between her best friend of long time crush, I can easily predict that she will pick her long time crush because that's what always happens in fanfictions. ♔

FLOW: 7/10

♔ Since there are no official chapters yet, I can't really tell. But, just by looking at your foreword, I expect a pretty good flow of the story. You should definitely plan the certain turning points in your story and if you do that correctly, I believe your flow will be okay. Also, take caution to not include too many extra things in your story or else it will throw off the flow of your story entirely. ♔

GRAMMAR / SPELLING: 10/15

♔ Well, some of your sentences are worded a bit awkwardly and there are a few grammar mistakes here and there. Try not to make all your sentences blunt and short since it also affects the flow of your story. Here are a few examples of your mistakes:

♔ YOUR SENTENCE: She helps people in need like poor students who got bullied by the mean queenkas.

CORRECT SENTENCE: She helps people in need like poor students who get bullied by the mean queenkas.

♔ YOUR SENTENCE: Its because her father, who is a vampire came to Earth and fell in love with her mother. They got married and got Soomin.

CORRECT SENTENCE: It's because her father, who is a vampire that came to Earth, fell in love with her mother. They got married and had Soomin.

♔ YOUR SENTENCE: Talking about that "certain someone", it's two persons.

CORRECT SENTENCE: Talking about that "certain someone", it's actually two people.

♔ YOUR SENTENCE: Byun Baekhyun, one of the kingkas of the school. Soomin's crush since shildhood.

CORRECT SENTENCE: Byun Baekhyun, one of the kingkas of the school, is Soomin's crush since childhood.

♔ YOUR SENTENCE: Soomin knows about it and is confused to help who.

CORRECT SENTENCE: Soomin knows about it and is confused about who to help.

Just a few grammar mistakes that were out there. ^^ Check for spelling as well!! ♔

 

Personal Note: Best of luck with your story and I hope my review helps!! ~Never Give Up~