Mine by redcherrylilly and aktfcassies

Story Title: (4/5)

The title is nice and simple but descriptive. At first glance, we will know that this story will be something fluffy and romantic. When I looked at your tags, I knew right away that I was right. To me, the title is interesting. I'd totally click on your story if I was looking for a romantic story to read because I'm one of those people who likes short and meaningful titles. However, I'm not sure how other people would think. If you search the title 'Mine' on AFF, lots of stories will pop up. It's pretty common and overused. This doesn't really help your story to stand out.

Foreword and Description: (12/15)

Your description is very interesting. It doesn't give away too much and has a firm base to give the readers interested. Also the mention of Jongdae is a married man really creates the curiosity to how the story will go. I think it would make people want to check your story out because personally it really intrigued me to find out more about your story. Your foreword, however, shouldn't be just an author's note in my opinion but also an excerpt or an introduction of your story to draw the readers in more.

Readability: (14/15)

I can read your story well as your paragraphing is nice and neat. I like the fact that you're writing your story in present tense, because I prefer to read and write stories in present tense. You had a few spelling and grammar mistakes here and there but I brushed them off as typos since you didn't repeat them. I didn't notice them when I started but I did after reading your story for the second time. Just make sure to check your chapters a few times before posting them. 

Characterization: (13/15)

I had a little trouble with this part because I was not really fond of the characters you're creating. Jongdae is my ultimate bias but somehow his character is the one I disliked the most. And Suyeon too. But that's just my personal opinion. It will not affect my scoring or review on your story so don't worry.

Your story is still on-going, but I think that you portrayed your characters really well, even the minors. I also find them believable, especially Suyeon when she slowly opened up to Jongdae. We know that she hesitated at first because of the fact that Jongdae is married but the constant affection that the man kept giving her caused her to give in and admitted her feelings to him. I believe this can happen in real life because women tend to fall in love with a guy who shows their love and not hide it. And that's what Jongdae did. He showed his true feelings for Suyeon without giving up. I think that's enough reason for Suyeon to fall in love with Jongdae even though she knows he's not a single man.

The only problem is Hyemi's character. You did write a chapter about why she's cheating on Jongdae but somehow I feel like there's something more to her that's missing in the story. Questions like, "Why is she still with Jongdae when she has Jongin" and "Why she lied to Jongdae about having his baby" kept playing in my mind when I was reading your story. And most importantly, does she still love Jongdae or not? I kinda need an explanation on that. Therefore, I think you need to elaborate more about Hyemi's character though she's just a minor because from what I've seen so far, she plays a big part in your story.

Other than that, I also like to talk about Minseok, Joonmyeon and Baekhyun. I like how you portrayed them. When we read the story, we can see that they have two sides. They are kind and caring but at the same time playful and mischievous. The way they set up everything between Jongdae and Suyeon and how they care about the two main characters really entertained me in a way. I honestly think you did a great job in developing and portraying these three boys.  

Originality: (14/15)

This story isn't one of a kind but it's not something very common and with the context it's fun to follow. I'm not gonna say the story sticks to you very strong and it's not like it doesn't remind you a little bit of something else but the way it's going right now, it seems to be heading to an interesting direction. 

Plotline: (22/25)

I'm not a fan of the plot but I gotta say it's really exciting and fun. There's a lot of things happening in the story but there are a few chapters that I found quite bland and unnecessary. What I meant to say is there are events in your story that didn't really help the development of the plot. I know it's not easy to plan out a whole storyline perfectly because I do have problems with that too when I write but every scene needs to be thought out carefully so that it's not just out in there.

Structure: (9/10)

The flow went a little too fast at first, especially on how Jongdae fell in love with Suyeon but after a few chapters everything flowed very well and steady, so good job. Your writing style is also nice. It definitely matches your story; it's light, sweet and simple. I think your structure is perfect, I have nothing to complain about.