Failure

Hey,

I am FluffyDubby and this is my first blog post! ^~^

I just wanted to let out some things :) Firstly, I know i haven't been updating my stories >~< Boohoo for that but secondly, I just wanted to let out something that recently happened.

It feels terrible to know that you're always behind somebody in terms of academics or just anything else basically. Your friend doing so much better than you, I just don't know how to not feel jealous. Yeap, I'm jealous. More than just jealousy, it's anger, sadness, fear and exhaustion. I exhausted from all this years of failure and competition.

I'm terrified for what's gonna happen to our friendship and to me, she is a very good friend. She speaks up for me and she encourages me but yet I don't know how to keep my feelings from affecting our relationship.

Well, I guess I just don't have a great personality at all. Jealous, Selfish, Stubborn, Competitive, I always want to win. It . I'm trying to improve and taking it step by step but along the way, people call me fake, attention seeking, and yea, it's true but I don't know how to change that, I'm so confused, so frustrated with myself.

Anyways, I felt good letting it out :) cheers! XX

Comments

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Lukookie #1 Jul 5, 2014 13:15:55

She must probably feel the same way. I'm like her too. In my group of friends, I'm the one with the best grades and the one that wins academic competitions. Every time I make a friend I always feel scared of losing them just because they couldn't stand not being in the spot light. But I know that if they really think of me as a friend, they wouldn't let the fact that I'm smarter than them get in the way of our friendship. My friends probably feel the same way as you, but no matter what, they're still my friends. I've lost a lot of friends through out the years because they didn't like how I was always smarter than them, but they weren't true friends. I hope you're both still friends no matter who's smarter between the two of you. There's nothing wrong with your personality at all. Everyone is like that. I'm even like that myself, hehe XD.