ranting

I just. People keep on teasing me and it's hurtful. Because this has been going on for very long and I have never really been ok with teasing but I don't want to lose any of my friends ok? And it hurts so much when they laugh in my face. Are they using me to have their fun? I just don't want to give them a reason to leave me even if the friendship isn't real. It's come to the point when I'm actually doubting the validity of our relationships. At first we were all really close but now the teasing keeps going on - and I'm too scared to vocalize my thoughts. They'll think I"m a coward and ignore me, I think. You know how teenagers are like. They'll turn against you the moment you can't handle them anymore. Do they actually care for me? I try and try and try to pretend it doesn't hurt but now it's almost unbearable. I don't want to have to be lonely again I've been lonely for so long - 2 years was already too much for me. But at the same time I don't want to have to do this anymore. I don't want to have to smile for the sake of having someone by my side, someone to talk to. I don't want to have to smile even though all I want to do is cry and beg them to stop.

It's so hard. I don't want to have to make the choice of being alone again and being teased all the time for every single thing I ever do.

Believe me, I did want to ignore them at one point, but I just couldn't. I just. I'm nice because I don't want to have to lose anyone close to me. Now though, it's almost like their taking advantage of my personality to do whatever they want.

Well, once I became annoyed with them and I made it quite clear, but immediately they started to talk among themselves, giving me looks of disgust, and I had to apologize and pretend it was all a joke. But it never was a joke to me. I never wanted to be teased like that just so that I can have friends. Are they even friends?

They are nice people. They do have breaking points too - I was there when they fought among themselves because of small matters. Nothing too big, of course. They always made up in the end - but they seem to forget that I have my own. They seem to forget that I, too, am a teenager with emotions as real as theirs.

Maybe it's because I started out very shy and quiet. Maybe it's that. Maybe it's because I give in to whatever they tell me too.

I don't know.

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hyun4dae #1
i have one friend who are really quiet ,. i attempt to be her friend ,. but people always make a joke about she quiet ,... then i will defend that .. it's not like she can't but she don't want put a fight ,. and she really a like you , me too.. i just put a little word and turn away... because for me ,. any words come out i will not put so much regret ... because they need to know what i feel and they reall look disgust to me and make another conversation ,. it's really hurt ,. but what can i do ,. people always like that ,. it's not easy to find a true friend ,.
IRollWithInfinite #2
When stuff like this happened to me I'd slowly form another group of friends and ease into it slowly. By the time my old friends realized i've ditched them I'm already gone.
keep your chin up player
suchentao #3
Strange enough as it is, I went through this before. It was during 7th grade. I spent most of my days wondering where to eat lunch because I didn't want to stick with my so-called "friends" because I was at the center of their jokes. I would usually be ignored. I wouldn't talk as much because I'm originally shy around people... I thought I wasn't shy but I realize now that when I was younger, I was a bit of an odd-ball.

I suggest to you that you explore more options... find new people to talk to. Do you go somewhere often? Like the library or a spot on campus? Do you see other people there often? Maybe start a conversation with them? It'll be difficult but that's how friendships start, right?

I only found my true best friends in my 2nd year of high school. I stayed in the same school my entire life (prep to elementary to high school) so I knew everyone by face and name... but I made new friends from those I never expected to talk to.

You need new friends if you think you're truly being cared about. Just by this blog post alone should tell you what your next move is.

You don't have to stop being friends with them.. but talk to other people now. Whether older or younger... don't stick with them.
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