Wow, I haven't really been posting anything since the end of September? Feels like it was just yesterday since I posted, though! D:

So anyway, I have been hitting a couple of roadblocks since I last updated. I've been working my off in all of my classes, and yet I still manage to get a failing grade in my math class.

Math. It was the only subject that I was actually good at for all of my school years. It all made sense, it was clear, and I completely understood it.

Not this year. This year I found out how slow I really was.

So I walk into my math class, all excited (I know I'm a nerd. Not ashamed of it at all) and ready to learn some calculus. But I was quickly disappointed in the class. Why?

I got the type of teacher where he is really smart and all, and he really knows his stuff. But he just can't seem to bend down to the student's level and actually explain the concept to them. Now, I had a class like that last year, and I barely passed the class.

So now I know that I am SO screwed this year. Now I have to work a million times harder, and it doesn't help that none of my friends are taking the same classes as I am. I am a complete loner to my suffering; I'm really shy and its really hard for me to adjust to new suroundings (like my new classmates. They are athletes, do a bunch of stuff, everyone knows them, you know the ) and me? I'm just an awkward girl sitting in the front of the class, trying desperately to get my math notes together and study them.

I study twice as hard and I get the worse grade. I've already gotten to the point where I just want to cry looking at them, and my teachers and my mom aren't doing the greatest job trying to comfort me. Mostly my mom. She has big plans for me, she's already planning on sending me away again to California this summer.

The problem? I don't want to go again.

Don't get me wrong. I loved the experience and I would never forget it. But it was extremely expensive, and it is unfair that my younger siblings don't get to go on vacations that they want to go to. But I can't say anything.

My mom always manages to tie everything she talks about to education. And as much as I love her, it is as annoying as hell. I can't hold a decently normal conversation with her and a simple "May I go get a book from the library?" becomes a screaming match.

I really love my family, I really do, I just hate the fact they think they know everything about me when they really don't. They don't know that I want to become a fashion designer. They don't know I want to become a philanthropist. They don't know that I DON'T want to become a freaking doctor like everyone else.

They don't know I have dreams drastically different from theirs.

And then there is the talk of calling themselves a 'supportive' family. It is ironic, really. They call themselves a supportive family, but they won't support me in anything else but a pre-med school track.

Its pretty sad, if you ask me.

I would say FML, but I know it wouldn't make a difference. I'm already complaining, and complaining more won't make a difference at all.

I think I need a cute animal GIF to cheer my spirits: