Oh how I miss my best friend from the first year of college. 

I miss how we talked everyday.

I miss how we went home together everyday.

I miss the way he instantly chooses me as his partner for group activities.

I miss eating out with him when I'm depressed.

I miss how he would steal my umbrella on a rainy day and cover us both with it.

I miss how he would scold me whenever I get sick.

I miss how he would go to my house and have sunday lunch with my family.

I miss how we spent summer together.

I miss how he would encourage me whenever I feel down.

I miss how he hugged me in the train when I bursted out crying from school.

I miss how he called me sister, even if I wanted to be more than just a friend to him.

I miss how he would check up if I already arrived home.

I miss how he would sit besides me when I'm alone.

I miss how he noticed how I easily get irritated.

I miss having him around.

But now, it feels like, I'm nothing but a mere schoolmate to him. 

He would wave but won't hold conversations

He would smile but he would quickly leave after

He was alone but he wouldn't join me anymore whenever I was too.

He changed.

He changed in only two months time.

I miss the once I knew who was now only a piece of my memory...

I miss him.

I'm afraid to tell him.

I'm afraid of seeing him now.

I wouldn't be able to handle to se him ignoring me from up close.

I don't...want to see him anymore.

Even if it hurts,

I just have to stop liking him.

Knowing he would never feel the same.

I should give up already.

I'm just making a fool out of myself for liking him.

Liking him was wrong.

From the very start.

And now,

I pay the consequences of letting myself do so. 

.___.