Can Someone Hear Me Out?

Okay, this is my first ever rant on something so ricdiculous. 

:( 

But I just need someone or somebody to give me some suggestions if they have experienced it before. 

I'm 15 now. And being 15 is not what I expected it to be, I never expected this year to be so dramatic, confused and lost..

This year is probably the saddest year I ever lived in :((

I lost my best friends because I can never fit in.

I lost them in the end of July when things got complicated in the mid-July. I felt like my 3 friends never knew anything about me, because they never hear me out. Even if they do, they don't care about me at all. And they don't seem like they can accept the weird, and dorky me.

So I had it, I broke my friendship with them but didn't tell them. But just sort of chickened out. Because I didn't have the courage to face them or talk to them. Basically, I keep thinking that everything I do is wrong.

I sometimes hate myself for thinking so negatively about myself. But that is because the people around me never care about my life or know anything about me.

Everytime I try to speak to them, they just nod then the next second they forget everything about me.

:( 

Sad. I know. 

This year I got frustrated over homework and studies. But that is normal. Everybody goes through the same. But also, this year, I go through an experience and almost got a fear of being-a-dance-leader-phobia.

A phobia is something that a person is trying to avoid and is afraid to do it. 

I've become a dance leader for two times and the second time just embarrassed myself in front of everybody in my dance club but what is worse is that my friends in dance club who were on the same team on me put the whole blame on me as it was my fault. Which was a lie.. -.- 

Those guys never practice at all when I told them to. And they even wanted to me to teach the dance moves, but also, the small little gestures of  a movement still needed to be taught too -.- Like walking out like a super model or flipping your hands in the air like you rock. Even those simple waving hands move too?! =.=''

But at last I took all the blame of course TT_TT I didn't wanted anyone to hate me or anything so I just accept everything.

The fact that I'm invisible in this world.

The fact that nobody wants to listen to me.

The fact that I am always wrong and everybody is right.

The fact that everybody makes me think so negatively about myself.

And that fact that nobody cares about me :(

Which is sad. Nobody supports me. I've never heard anyone coming up to me saying, "Hey, you can do it! Give yourself another chance." 

Thank god my parents were there to tell me that :) If not I don't think I would make it :(

Of course, I never thought of killing myself. I was depressed myself. I did. But I never thought about ending my life. It's too early too give up. And I know there is a lot of chances out there, waiting for me to reach there and grab it.

But then, the problem is, it's hard to reach out when you know that nobody believes in you. Trust you. Supports you :(

It's sad. I just wanted support, love, happiness and safety. Is that so hard to ask? 

These 4 simple things is really easy to give. I give this to everybody almost everyday. Trying to make them smile, trying to make them feel safe, trying them to give them my support every minute now and then, trying to make them feel like they are not alone and they have my love :)

I just wish people these days would realize that :( It is sad..

And i'm tired of playing a er for those guys. So that's why I broke my friendship with them. It is still hard to know the truth, but I must accept it. I choose this :) And I will not live a life filled with regrets! ^^

Please give me suggestions cause now, I'm frustrated ;(

On Tuesday I will be going to a resort with my ex-bff's who I just break our friendship in the end of July. I forgot that we were still going out to the resort for a 3 night 4 day trip. And we already had everything planned out back then. And I already booked the hotel and everything.

And my daddy is responsible for the check-in, so I can't back out. Lately I keep wondering about my future, my results, and the 3 ngihts... All I know is that, it's gonna be REAL awkward ;((

Please help. And how do I overcom these hard times? Give it more time? :(

I gave myself more time then it could ever have. But I'm still stuck in my same spot. 

My dances are getting lousy day by day because something is wrong in my body. I don't know, today I practiced Growl and I just felt like barfing as something was caught up in my stomache and is rising in my throat and to my mouth.

So I couldn't dance well. I'm worried ;(

My dreams has always been to go to Korea and just audition maybe? Nothing is impossible. Besides, I never gave myself a chance. But the problem is, nobody is supporting me with that chance :/

And I feel alone. Lonely. Sad. And unlove T.T

Please hear me out. And thank you for reading this tragic life of mine this year D:

Your dear author,

exotics12

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exotic_abc #1
First and foremost, I must say that I love you and Your stories and your creativity and your strength

Second of all, I am now 15 and I can totally relate to this DX (other than the dancing part because i'm not that well coordinated with my entire being idk why). It's like, my friends (just 2 of them though) have been talking a lot more to each other since last year and leaving me out of what they do. And the fact that one of them told me if the two of us could be 'best friends' just the start of last year doesn't help at all DX I was sort of one of those people who were friendless before so when I had the opportunity to befriend her, I jumped right to it around four years ago (2012?).

Turns out she wasn't exactly the loyal kind and is the type to want to please everyone on the planet. She also has a complicated mindset where she's always having inner-conflicts and she isn't the sharpest person.

In fact, despite the fact that she said she would listen to me in my times of need, she would just hear me say the stuff I need to tell her and then move on to her stories, move on with our other classmates like my feelings weren't important. I always told myself that my happiness doesnt matter, other people needs a better life than I do.

As much as I was hurt, I was also afraid that she would do the same to other people. I've been with her long enough, I know that at any moment our friendship would end, because of conflict or death. I didn't want her life to be bad, as she says it, so I accepted the fact that she might never look back at me ever again.

But me, being me, made sure that she knows how to realize what she does wrong and stuff like that. I always try to tell her that what she does may hurt people or give off the wrong message. I didn't want her to waste her life so I suffered all by myself...

But all is well for now i guess, we have exams and i need to be strong for her...
Perfect_Sherry #2
Dear authornim-unnie-who-accept-my-friend-request :),
Cheer up! I know sometimes you feel invisible, annoyed, frustrated, and depressed. Me too, and I'm just 13 for you to know. But you have to stand up, you have to make a goal for yourself, you have to clear your mind and stay away from these kinds of thing for a while. Once you feel fresh again, you will be able to figure out your feeling, and you will know what is your problem AND you may found the solution too.
Well, I wish you nothing but good luck. Hope you get over these stuff soon. ^^
liongirl_lian #3
hey:) i want to tell you something... You are not alone, you are not the only one who is suffering the way you are suffering right now and theirs could be much worse. I'm not trying to make you upset or anything but I want you to know, to just keep going on. There are times in life where all situations doesn't go the way you want it to be and vise versa. But you learn from it. You become stronger and stronger as you overcome those problems. All you have to do is forget. Forget about it and move on. Even if they don't want you to be friends with them anymore ignore it. God probably did this for good reason because he wanted you to have a much better friends who understands you more. Don't let them show your weakness because that's how you will lose and give up. Don't ever think that no one is there to support and care for you. By the way these people who commented about your story, do you think that they don't care about you? My advice is to forget all of this because the more you worry, you will become more physically sick which means you wont be able to dance. I myself dance too and i have experienced those things, but i thought that it's a complete waste of my time to even bother. You should continue to achieve your dream no matter what especially if you are very dedicated to it. Be happy always and don't forget that you are not alone. I apologise for such a long paragraph, i hope you don't mind and read it. Good luck and NEVER GIVE UP!!!
pandaspirit #4
Dear author-nim,
I know how you feels, sometimes i think that i don't fitt in, untill one of my friend came and talked to me, Sometimes the one you called 'True Friends' aren't really your ,'Friends' and the one who is not close with you, is the one who care,
And, please, dont be stressed out! There is A Way, you should probably talk to them and know each other better in the trip, Be honest with each other, it could help your Friendship

PS: sorry for bad english
thejongdae #5
Hi authornim, take care of yourself first, health is important!! Maybe you are stress over what happen but its better to visit a doctor. Dont worry about your 'friends' it seems like they arent true friend in the first place. You will definitely find your true friend,people come and go dont they? Hahhhha. You can try talking to your best friend, if she doesnt listen then drop her. Use your time for more meaning stuff ^_^. And abt your phobia, face it, thr are always these kind of people in a team so dont worry about them, dont let them drag you down eh! You can do it! I believe your parents will always support you, your readers and me too!!! (^O^)
kpoplover4evers #6
dear author nim,
I know what feels like,my friends did that to. but they are the one who broke our friendship because they think im a and spread a bad rumour about me. But anyway you just have to teel them how you feel. just let them know.if you tell them during your trip and try to aviod you just try to have some in the resort and make your self feel better.
Cushppy #7
Dear author-nim,
although I don't know much about you but from what I have read, you seem like a really nice person, so give yourself another chance and have a positive outlook in life. No matter what happens, you still have your readers and your lovely parents by your side. Hwaiting, author-nim!!!
omgitsus #8
Dear author,
I had this same feeling of loneliness sometime in my life but i do say like others here take care of your health first thats the main priority especially of you want to be a dancer. Also for me i would give it some time. The thing about being in a room with the ex bffs just ignore it. Dont talk to them and they wont talk to you so you would have no troubles . Also during this process you will find your true friends . Thise ex bffs they dont know what they have lost so you will find better people to be friends with that will accept you :) you got this authornim ! I believe in you and if you need someone to talk to im here ^^
hana_key #9
Take care of your health girl. In my opinion all of u should face to face. Ask them, why they treatin u like this, ask them did u did anything wrong to them, we never knew whre we wrong at, we need somebody to become our mirror and tell us if we did something wrong or unintentionally hurt their feelings. We never knew. That's ma opinion. * sorry for the terrible engrishh. Stay positive ^^ arasso? And one more thing, find new friends :), i believe there is someone out there can accept who u are ^^
Jinniejinjara #10
Dear author,
It's not just you, I know what you feels *gull I know what you feel*
It happens to me also, I had my big exam this year, and got stress by it.
But i'm not like others for worried it, I just take it easy and cool.
I thought my friends willingly friend with me, but the truth is they just using me.
Sometimes I hate it when they taliking about running man *50% of my classmate were their fans* coz I introduce to them.
At first they insult them and it hurt me,after that they said they love them.
It really make me angry.
One of my friend get be an admin in one of EXO page, I kind hurt but Proud of her.
At first she was a hardcore fan for U-Kiss, then I introduce EXO at her.
She said they just like others k pop group, then after that she like them, she act like she never talking bad about EXO.
It really hurt me, sometime when they talking about stuff then when I asking they just say "nothing, nothing at all. It not even important to you" or they just stop talking when I around them.
I had many friend but I just had 2 real friend.
I always stress about it.
I know you can find another friend, find a real friend that can always sharing your hard and easy times.
That what I made to myself,sometimes smile is better than showing your hurt spot.
Patient will give us lesson.
Don't be a stupid girl like me, LOL..that's my story ..hehehe TT___TT
IamSehunsWife #11
Hey, you can do it! Give yourself another chance! =D
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