Hi. You know, I'm not often to post something emotional, but when I do, I really hope you can read it to give me some respond...

For the last 3 years I was in middle school, I've been lack in socializing. It's not my fault, I think! Whenever I try to approach some classmates, they'll ignore me as if I was unwanted. It has been 3 years until I unconsciously have this mindset. I won't approach anyone to start a conversation unless they're the ones who approach me first (since that will show that they don't think I'm unwanted).

But yesterday, my cousin who's very close to me since we were in diapers came to stayover at my place because she wanted a calm place to study. Well, both of us are having major exam this year. She's older than me by two years.

Everything was fine until she looked at me strangely. I noticed and asked her, "Why did you look at me like that?"

She hesitatedly said "I don't know... You looked different.."

And at first I thought she meant physically, so I checked my whole body and asked again awkwardly, "What was so different??"

She said awkwardly too, "I don't know..."

And then she asked me to lend her a cardigan, so I went to my room and took it, then I gave it to her.

Again, that strange look again. I asked her again, almost burst to an awkward laugh, "Why?? What so different???"

And then she said with sad tone, "Ed... you look different.. You're not friendly anymore..."

I was blank at that time and didn't know what to say, so I just kept quiet.

She said, "Before this, you used to approach me first..."

I just kept quiet and it was awkwardly silent until she decided to end the conversation and went into her room.

I mean... maybe a lot of things unconsciously change me. I've been really stress lately because of the exam. My mom wanted me to do the best but I was doing really bad in my studies. And then my ignoring friends. And maybe staying alone at my place for a long time slowly make me love to be alone instead going out and socialize. Well, yeah, can you give me some advice??