Hellooooo. Haha

As you guys recall to my last post, 'Suicide', I was reaaaally emotional. Still am. (Sorry for the ones I didn't reply your comments to, though your comments helped me through a lot. Thank you, qtpies!) Anyways, I was about to kill myself.. but, I didn't. I couldn't. 

Something happened before that. Something really bad happened. At first when my friends from an Inspirit gang told me not to, I was really stubborn and ended up making them give up and probably they hate me, so much. I was crying, so badly. I was hopeless. Useless. Helpless. Loveless. I'm so scared of life ahead of me because of my late father. His death really changed me alot. Though, I couldn't do it because of him. I know he'd be disappointed. I loved him but he left me. God took him from me. Ah I didn't wanna cry while writing this! Haha. 

Shout out to one of my bestfriends in the Inspirit gang who was there for me, until now. Thank you so much, Yuri. I really love you and basically, you're my lifesaver. You're also one of the reason I didn't give up on life. 

I'll just admit something here. I don't have any friends. At all. I guess, since I was born. I'm thankful to have such friends like you guys! Hehe.

And nowwww, the reason that I really didn't want to give up on life and kill myself or hurt myself emotionally & physically. This is kind of embarassing because he doesn't even know me. But he means literally everything to me. Everything. When I saw his group's first mv when they debuted in 2010, honestly, he was the one who caught my attention. But instead at first, I fell inlove with the maknae. Then, I really started to like him but I didn't know what his name was. I thought his name was 'Sungyeol'. So when people ask me, who's the guy that I like in that 7 members' group, I'd always answer 'Sungyeol'. Then, I wanted to know more about them so I searched for them and turns out, his name was—

Jang Dongwoo.

At first, I thought it was just going to be a crush, or a bias, or an ultimate bias. But, no. He's the first guy ever that caught my heart. I know, this sounds really sad because I don't exist to him but I don't care. Someone should tell him that he's a lifesaver. I'm so thankful for him. For knowing him. Because even if life was hard for him, he'd always smile. His smile would never bring me down. His smile keeps me strong, every single day. His laugh, his angelic laugh that makes me automatically laugh when I heard it. He cheers me up, even if he doesn't know it. His voice.. I love it. He's perfect, to me. Eventhough my sister keeps on saying he's ugly. But for me, Dongwoo is the most handsome and charming guy ever. More charming than Myungsoo, honestly. I'd choose Dongwoo over everyone. Even EXO. 

Hell, EXO couldn't compete with Dongwoo. (Okay, bash me if you want.) I'm so sad knowing that I'll never meet Jang Dongwoo. I want to. I really want to meet him and cry, and say thank you for a million times. K I'm crying again.

When I'm sad in school, I'd always open up my wallet and look at his pc. It makes me smile immediately. I'm really amazed that a person could do that to another person, without knowing them. No, I'm not obsessed. I'm not a sasaeng. I just need someone in my life. Someone that would cheer me up. Someone that'll say "everything's fine, as long as I'm here,". Seeing Dongwoo cry would instantly make me cry. I mean, how can an angel cry? 

Anyways, I'm just saying, if you feel really sad and depressed, don't give up. (Although I'm still having suicidal thoughts but I'm trying to get rid of them.) 

And, to Dongwoo, even though he'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever read this—thank you, so much. for everything. i love you. 

Till then, loves.