NOTE TO SELF:

Recently I have become really unhappy and upset and when I say that, I don’t mean the type of frustration that results in a tantrum and then you get over it. It’s the type of sadness that hangs over you for days and makes you cry consistently for no particular reason because you’re tired – not physically but emotionally. It’s that miserable feeling that hangs over you like a grey cloud that never clears, casting its gloomy haze over everything you encounter. It makes you feel helpless, weary, depressed and simply awful.

This is something that rarely happens to me because most of the time I am happy. I am blessed with a mum who always puts her 200% effort into keeping up with my life, tending to my needs and just being the most loyal friend I have. I am also thankful for the two dads that always stay by my side and even though we never share a single philosophical discussion about life, I know they will always be there for me like pillars of strength in hiding. I am so glad that my grandparents are still alive and well – they are a helping hand and a guiding light for my family and me. I am grateful for my two best friends who are always by my side however childish or weird or annoying or gossipy I become. For all these reasons, it would be selfish and thankless for me to be unhappy right?

Yes, absolutely.

But life isn’t always smooth sailing and we can’t always expect ourselves to wear a smile – we’re not robots after all. Needless to say, I’ve learnt a lot this week after being through an emotional rollercoaster and I want to share some pointers with some of my dear girlfriends. This isn’t by any means me dictating to you what you should do but this is just my two cents.

1.     Happiness and unhappiness are choices that we make

I’ve said this a number of times but I will say it again because this is so much easier said than done. (Trust me, I know) When bad things happen we question why? Why me? We become filled with anger, anxiety, hatred and a sense of helplessness which all aids a downward spiral towards some form of depression. In these moments, it’s so much easier to let the nasty, little demons within us take control and it’s difficult to be happy. It’s difficult to see things from another perspective but sometimes we have to try. Try to see the good in everything because it makes life easier for you. Start from the small things like be content that the weather is nice or that a friend texted you because he/she genuinely misses you. As with all things, happiness is something that becomes easier with practice.

2.     It is OK to be unhappy

In moments of grief, sometimes not even the happiest of thoughts can get into our heads – no change in perspective can seem to make any difference. Then what? Sometimes sadness is inevitable because grief is a step towards healing – don’t hate yourself for it! We need time to recalibrate and figure out our bearing again right? Too many times, we try to cover and bury our sadness because apparently sadness is ‘bad’. Whatever the hell that means.

Happiness comes hand in hand with sadness – they need each other to define themselves. To feel unhappy is already bad enough, why do we have to feel guilty as well? That is the worst feeling ever. Remember that letting it out is always better than keeping it bottled up inside because it only makes you feel more detached from yourself, your family and your friends. However, once it’s over, girl, you’ve just gotta let it go because you can’t change what’s happened but you sure can dictate your future.

3.     Talk To Someone

In moments of depression, our thoughts start to circle around the same disheartening point and the more we think, the harder it becomes to stay strong. Sometimes, all we need is to let it out by talking to a loved one. It’s not a burden – forget that crap because all parents know that they’re most worried for their child when their child is quiet and sad. Talking to someone optimistic will change your opinion and help you get out of the rut you’re caught in. The key is to listen to their opinion whether you agree with it or not – take it into consideration because…

4.     You Are Not Always Right

Contrary to what most of us believe, we are not always right. I mean right and wrong is subjective in a world where everyone lives life differently right? I know it’s hard but you have got to just step back and listen to what others have to say before you cut them off mid-speech. It’s good for patience too. Just enjoy life – absorb the world around you because more often than not, you’ll pick up new things. Sometimes, all it takes is just admitting to your flaws and owning them because they are yours and yours alone. Learn to love them not hate them.

5.     Learn To Be Lonely

I heard somewhere (most likely on tumblr) that we are a generation of nostalgia – a generation wary of people because we are exposed to the world too soon; we grow up too quickly and lose a part of the precious childhood our parent’s had. We like to be with people – we like to party and sometimes a good dose of socialising is good but the truth is, no one will always be there forever. Sometimes it’s differences in opinions, sometimes it’s death and sometimes it’s just because we forget or we give up. Regardless, we are alone and contrary to popular belief that is not always a bad thing.

Too often being alone bears the negative connotations of being unwanted but that is not always true. We are individuals and sometimes we need time to ourselves – time to reflect, time to cultivate a relationship with ourselves and develop an understanding of ourselves. As I have said before, our unhappiness often originates from our own sense of hatred for ourselves because we are our own harshest critics. Don’t neglect yourself!! Eat when you want to, diet in moderation, be impulsive, occasionally sleep in, do what’s right for you, read a book that interests you, listen to music you love, retail therapy is good for the soul and just be yourself.   

Learn to be your own best friend because you are the only person who will not give away important secrets; you are the only one who can truly make you happy; you are the only person who can forgive your past mistakes; you are living your life. So learn to love yourself, you deserve it!

This is a post that I dedicate to all of you because I know that everyone has their own story behind that hard-earned smile.

Winnie xx