sample review
This is a review I have done before for a review shop.
Review- by natnatfung
Title- This is ‘See You Later’
Author- Maudmoonshine
Story link- http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/336040/this-is-see-you-later-henrylau-superjunior-writingcontest-exo-baekhyun-chanyeol-baekyeol
Rubrics-
[4/5]Title- The title was original enough but it gave of the feeling that the author couldn’t look for the right title and just fit some not-so-good ones there. The title itself is not quite appealing enough to attract readers. At least I wouldn’t click on it when I’m scrolling down the tags.
[3/5]Appearance- Wish you would add a poster in it. Readers would have to read till midway and realized that the blue ribbon box was the letter from yeollie.
[10/15]Forward/ Description- Up till now, I still don’t really understand how does the quote relate to the passage. I personally don’t prefer authors putting an excerpt of the story as a forward, but it’s still better than nothing. The description should be a short introductory to the story or a brief background check of the main characters to give readers an idea what the story will be about.
[12/15]Characters- The characterization of Chanyeol and Baekhyun in the story was awesome- though there a bits and pieces missing. Chanyeol’s emotions form the scene of seeing Henry’s death wasn’t descriptive enough- It somehow became a transition paragraph, more like to put emphasis on how close Baekhyun was with the Parks and Henry.
[15/20]Plot- Well planned and logical as expected. Though the twist at the end where Baekhyun was reduced into a hollow human shell surprised me. I was expecting that Baekkie would either die from the fight (or continue the story with a 3rd person POV) or become mentally unstable to which he would hallucinate and go obsessed with someone with chubby cheeks. The ending was quite similar to my guesses only that it was quite well done on describing Baekhyun’s state- emotionless.
[15/20]Flow- Acceptable flow though the transitions could be done better. Perhaps one more scene throughout Chanyeol’s and Baekhyun’s friendship should better symbolize their never ending friendship. Baekhyun admitted that he was gay, and Chanyeol openly accepted it- shouldn’t Chanyeol realize that Baekhyun is gay for him?
[5/5]Grammar/ Spelling- As I am not a native English speaker, I am in no place to correct your mechanisms, but I think that it is perfects at least, for I have not yet spot out any problems.
[13/15]Originality- Original enough to make me give full marks. Though throughout the reading process, the ending became quite predictable, but still this is not like those cliché story full of “I love you” and I do love this character-death angst.
[5/5]Overall Enjoyment- Full marks yippee! Very touching and one of my official bookmarks now.
[100]Total-78/100 sorry if I am a little harsh… ignore the marks.
Extra comments- Here are some noted I have jotted down when I was reading your story.
The story is very touching, especially when it got to the part where Chanyeol doubted his love for Henry as a brother- Baekhyun’s words really touched me.
Chanyeol’s letter did tip off the title, but it actually revealed too much of the ‘see you later’. Maybe cutting the letter into parts and describe Baekhyun’s emotional change is better. [I.e. Eager – stunned- shocked – disbelief]
The crossed out phrase [and to look for Chanyeol in the alley] should not be put down here- it’s somehow ruins the angst mood and the suspense.
The scene where Baekhyun was cornered in the alley in which Baekhyun’s fear had overcome his physical pain was my favorite part. It shows how Baekhyun has deeply love Chanyeol, even after the latter’s passing, and Baekhyun has gave up. He connected with Chanyeol, feeling the same pain as Chanyeol has suffered from before he died. This perfectly shows the ‘one soul in two bodies’ as mentioned in the previous part of the passage.
Keep up the great work author~ don’t doubt your writing! It is perfectly fine to me :p
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