Title: (8/10)

The title was good that in a sense, it's interesting and relates to the story but because 'Letters to Jongin' is a vast title/idea, it will be quite difficult to find your story. If you search through 'Letters to Jongin' in the search bar, your story isn't found on the first page. I would recommend to add in words/description to the title to make it stand out more and to not have similar names/title. I think your username suits in the title well, 'Heartfelt Letter to Jongin' or 'Heartfelt Letters to Kim Jongin' etc.

 

Overall Appearance: (10/10)

The poster looks amazing, I love it! It was the ideal poster, I love how the gif plays at the bottom and how the main characters are positioned at the top. Your layout was also simple and it suits the theme, the background picture was great and simple too, full marks!

 

 

Description and Foreword: (9/10)

The content and emotions that your description is giving off is great but there's some grammar mistakes and some information could get quite misleading. Other than those I've mentioned below, I think you deserve a high mark as you've written it so well and still manages to make it sound interesting. Great job!

 

-For example, 'Barely any family' could be misleading as readers might think he doesn't have a family when in fact he have a sister,brother and his parents. 

 

-He spends his days writing to Jongin, or at least, he thinks that's his name.

(This could get quite misleading to think that Jongin and Kyungsoo are complete strangers but actually in fact they're schoolmates/classmates. It would be strange for you not to know Jongin's name because he's popular, he got called to read in class before and lastly they're classmates. If you're referring 'Jongin' as his stage/fake name, specify it. For example: He spends his time writing to Jongin, or at least, that's what everyone in school is calling him.)

 

- He spends his days writing to Jongin.

(He spends his time writing to Jongin.)

 

-And in the end, will Kyungsoo's unknown love story open up?

(And in the end, will Kyungsoo's unknown love story be revealed?

OR And in the end, will Kyungsoo's unknown love story finally opens up?) 

Plot: (19/20) 

 

Language: (17/20)

Absolutely in love with your writing style and you have a good control over your grammar and tenses but I think you could improve on your sentence structure and punctuation. You tend to forget to add pauses in a sentence for a 'comma'. Below are some of the examples you could take a look to refer for punctuation, choice of words and sentence structure.

Chapter two:

-I felt so heavy it was like I was paralysed.

(I felt so heavy as though I'm paralyzed. )

 

-I'm not sure why considering I've been going for the last ten and a bit years.

(I'm not sure why, considering the fact that I've been going to the same school/place for the more than ten years.)

 

-Today in English class I focus on you instead of the literature.

(Today in English class, I focuses on you more than listening in class.)

 

-I also notice the true strength to your jaw line.

(I also notice how define and sharp your jaw line is.)

 

-She collected me from the bus stop and people whistled because she is rather beautiful.

(She picked me up from the bus stop and people started whistling because she is a rather beautiful girl.)

 

-Alright I guess. Well, my boss is still an '' She said with a sigh.

(Alright I guess. Well, my boss is still an ,'' she said with a sigh

OR Alright I guess. Well, my boss is still an .'' She said with a sigh.)

 

Chapter three:

-It was was a bubblegum pink, with small illustrations of brown, doe-eyed puppy dogs and it had some random...

(It was a bubble gum pink, with small illustrations of brown, doe-eyed puppy dogs and it had some random...)

 

-But, just to my luck, I had missed it.

(But, just my luck, I had missed the bus.)

 

Chapter five:

-I can almost vividly picture Jieun pull up in her Mercedes to pick me up from school in the afternoon and not find me anywhere.

(I can almost vividly picture Jieun in her Mercedes to pick me up from school in the afternoon and not being able to find me.)

 

Characterization: (8/10)

Even though it's written in Kyungsoo's point of view, it's obvious that his character was the best described here. We know about his daily rountine, his anxiety, his emotions and his affection towards Jongin and more but till now, Jongin who stands as important as Kyungsoo as a main characters wasn't describe well. We all know that he's good-looking, popular in school and always go together with a bunch of other popular boys(Sehun etc) but what else? Even in the letter, Kyungsoo wasn't even sure of Jongin's name. Still, you're only in your fith chapter so it's acceptable if we still barebly know Jongin but try to add in revelation or more scene of Jongin in it. Other than that, I'm impress at your characters such as Suho, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and Jongin. It''s great to be mysterious about the main characters but as you write, reveal at some point a little bit of background of the characters.

 

 

Flow: (8/10)

The flow of the story is good and the pace you're currently writing at is ideal. It's a little too fast to introduce Chanyeol and Suho now as you haven't describe Jongin well yet but fortunatey it's not too slow. For example, Kyungsoo and Jongin could get to know each other a bit more before introducting Chanyeol and Suho. Additionally, what made me confuse is the letters that Kyungsoo is writing. Will he send it out to Jongin for real or he's just keeping it as a diary? I know you said you are going to reveal that soon so I'll be waiting for it :)) Overall, great story pace and flow!

 

 

 

Overall Enjoyment: (9/10)

As I've said, this was one of the most interesting and amazing storyline ever! I've subscribed as I'm really curious how you're going to continue the story, please update soon! Good luck and fighting!

 

 

Grand Total: (88/100)

 

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