What do I do? (Warning: depressing & talks ab a bit of my life)

If you guys read my fanfic Shinee vs. Exo, then you see as an author, I'm being the bubbly, happy girl i am and want to stay like. But honestly, I don't know anymore. The reason why I'm not updating as often is not only school, but.... 

I'm Depressed...

I feel like nobody cares about me (besides my parents). I apparently am a bit "delusional" but I don't know how I am... 

Reasons why I'm depressed:

1) I know my cousins hate me for being the only "only child" in my extended family even though they say they DO love me as family. And they're way older than me so I'm always left out. 

2) i don't even know if my friends are my real friends anymore. They say they do care and that their worried but I don't believe it. I just think that one day, they stab me in the back.

3) Me and this guy kinda like eachother but Im scared if I date him, he'll turn his back and cheat on me even if he always clings and hugs me.

Basically I think, one day everyone will betray me and I'll be alone. So sometimes "drama " makes me feel like I'm still wanted and remembered.

and everyday, I always have thoughts like, "be careful", "watch your back", "try to be 'perfect' even though you're not", "don't trust anyone" and "STOP BEING THE UGLY, BORING PERSON YOU ARE". I always feel sad and 'emo' cause of this.

 

honestly, only one thing brightens up my dull, sad life. writing fanfics makes me happy. All of the nice comments from the readers make me smile everyday (even though I feel like crying most of the time). So I thank you guys (subscribers) for making me happy. 

But two things I want to ask: 

1) What's wrong with me? (Why am I being like this)

and

2) What do I do? If I keep trying to hold it in, one day I know I'm going to explode. 

You guys are the only ones i can turn to...

So tell me.

what am I supposed to do?????

 

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Comments

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Luzyhan #1
Dear,..you just think too much..stop for with the 'what if ' words..if you can't believe your own family and friends how you can believe anyone else?
put your trust to a person only 50% but don't always hesitate with them too, try to be yourself and enjoy your life, if you get hurt just think this, this hurt feeling will give you many thing to learn as you grow up to be a better person, whatever happen just be yourself..=) try to be happy ^^
primedara #2
Oh dear :" sometimes I feel like that. But I must believe in my own self. And I don't care what people judge me. And you too. Be Positive and never go negative thinking. Here we are, supporting you ~~ I trust you baybee
JCisVIP #3
I think you just swinggin the mood :) I hope that will be less til the time passed. umm and I think you just worry to much, and that's makes you freak out, and stressed. Just face it bravery. It has not happen yet uh? and I hope the bad will never become real. So cheer up friends :D They do love you.
mswitty #4
Awwww author-nim T0T don't be sad.We're here..sometimes i felt same as you..my friend betrayed me he took my ex *sigh* remember this author-nim there is a solution in every problem and there is a rainbow after the rain. So fighting author-nim we won't leave you saranghaeyooo
mahala #5
Nothing's wrong with, you just don't have the courage to love yourself. Be yourself, and never judge yourself. God made everyone perfect the way they are and being unperfect is being perfect.
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