OK.

we have a short story compitition goin on at our school and its recommended 

its for year 7s only

can u please give me feed back 

Heres its is

Untamed?

“Well that failed.” I said to Dana. “You’re acting was alright but the puke looked so fake.” Dana pointed out. I sighed. “Well, your ‘pretend to be sick’ act failed, now you’re stuck with us learning about sense with Mr. ‘Please be careful about everything.’” Me and Lydia laughed at Kyra’s remark as the four of us walk to the ‘exploration room’.

The white walls were screaming dullness as we walked down to the hallway. The door was a dull grey as room 21 and I stood in front of it. We walked in and found ourselves in a game room. But it was games about senses.

Excluding me, Room 21 formed groups and headed out to play to games. I decided not to join in and pretend to be busy looking at unoccupied games. Mr. ‘be careful about everything’ strutted in and started talking. I blocked him out and continued to look occupied at the games.

But then I heard silence. I spun around and was left dumbfounded as I found the room deserted. I stumbled one step forward as a siren rang in the background.

I ran out of the room finding the lights at the end of the tunnel switching off row by row. It felt like I had my eyes closed for the whole time. I held my hand out and felt my palm on the cold surface of the black wall. I felt nausea creep up on me more each time I shifted forward.

I suddenly felt a sinister aura behind me and he, she or it was looking at my back. I started to shiver and then I slowly looked behind me. I saw a glowing eyes glaring at me. I tried to gasp for air but it felt like I was underwater.

 I turned back around and ran to where ever my legs would take me. All I could do was hear the loud rapid beating of my heart. I kept on running like these hallways were endless but that thought went out of my head as my face collided with the wall and heard shattering of glass.

I felt wet droplets run down my heated cheeks. I spread my arms out and felt a door creek open. I turned around to see if it was clear but I saw those glaring eyes again. Each step back, I prayed ‘God save me now’. The air was wisped away as I heard a crack. Then I let the darkness engulf me.

My eyes opened up. I was surrounded by white angelic walls.

“Alyssa, next time you go on a trip stick to your class and please listen to the instructors. You were separated from the class and then were chased by the experimented guard dog; it thought you were an intruder because you were on ‘out of bound’ premises. It chased you. You fell from the stairs and broke your back.” My mum scowled.

It took me a few minutes to take the message in.

“I WAS CHASED BY A DOG!!??”