HELLO HELLO 

Hey lovelies ^^
Another new blog since my last blog update a few days ago (I think, lol).
There are a few things I want to let you guys know, whoever read this, 
but I hope my AFF friends do so at least and hopefully some of my subscribers will read this too.



As most of you know (hopefully) I am a Music Business Student and I started not so long ago (July to be exact) that doesn't mean however I didn't study before, I did (also music business related) but as a capricorn I am not easily satisfied and keep pushing myself to do better and how much does it hurt to study, learn and become better at something you love?

This study isn't just any ordinary study as in actually going to a university and take classes.
I searched so and so long for a good music business program (yap even here in Germany). 
Not that Berlin didn't have any, it does and for a second I wanted to apply there, however, my German is pretty basic and classes are all in German so I wasn't so confident in finishing and completing schooling in German. I nearly signed up and what not, but then I also realised that I would need to take at least a year of German before I could start to begin with.

Not that I look nor feel old, my age digits are going up and I decided to keep looking for a good music business program that would allow me to take classes in English. I finally found one and I figured it's one of the best known music universities,except, it was in the USA. How can a Dutch girl living and working in Germany get involved with that?
I discovered this university wasn't only one of the best and had an amazing offer in Music Business, it had exactly what I was looking for and then I found out that several, if not hundreds of students attend their program from all over the world following online class. It was the best thing that happened to me and I looked more into it and decided to do it. I signed up and here I am, attending the Berklee Music University following the Master program in Artist Manager following their online program.

It's tough and requireres a lot of discipline and focus. This option was ideal for me because I can plan my own schedule and work to pay my bills and have a life here in Berlin, however lately I have been struggling keeping up with my university work, not because it's too hard for me or difficult, my job is giving me a hard time. In the last few months my shifts and hours have gone from one end to the other. 

Moving here to Berlin wasn't easy for me, because it was the first thing I did for myself.
I lived my life for the biggest part pleasing others especially my family.
Moving here I broke off a bit of contact with my family because so much happened in my life I was getting deperessed and I needed my space to clear my head and find out who I am. I felt like a lion in a cage for years if not my whole life.
It took me months as soon as I got here to feel a bit better. It made me feel good and hurt at the same time because I had to endure a lot of fights with my family and friends even. Everything slowly got a bit better and despite of everything I am slowly growing and bonding with my family, but it will never be like it should be. 
At first nobody understood why I left to begin with, but they now slowly understand my point of view and they admit it even, so it's a start of something positive and leaves me with a less frustrating feeling.

Anyways, since I was young I always wanted to study in the USA, but never had the chance to just simply because my parents struggled with money and I kind of hoped somewhere it would happen, but I also knew that I wouldn't be fortunate to even have the experience. Applying to this university gave me a bit of hope again and I had this crazy idea to take classes in Boston where this university is located. Since they offer online programs, why not have the experience in following some at the university.
I did research and I figured it's possible and that's where a bit of hope me.

I have been planning to quit my crazy job, because I just can't handle the work pressure anymore and I need to start thinking of myself and focus on my business as a freelancer and work on my career and my dreams.
Because of this bit of hope I got, I carefully started to think ahead and think of making risks, big ones and this is also one of the reasons I have been absent quite a lot lately. 
I haven't updated stories much, nor my shops nor working on the ongoing projects that I am currently working on.
I am sorry for that. I didn't forget I just had other priorities.

With all the mentioned above said, I made the decission to start taking class in Boston, MA, USA starting in Januray for either 24 weeks or 36 (each course is 12 weeks ;)) I haven't entirely decided how long yet, all I know is I will end up spending a full year in the USA studying and working. While I am following my second course when in Boston I am going to apply for an intern spot or job (depending what they offer) at the SM Entertainment office in Los Angeles (please keep your fingers crossed for me) while living and studying here for another 24 weeks. Doing this two of my dreams are coming true; studying in the USA and going to LA. Not only will be this an experience I will never forget, but I also hope this experience will help me to make me a whole as an individual.

This decission is scary and exciting at the same time as I am taking a big risk leaving everything behind again although I know I will be coming back without regrets. I never was the kind of girl to take big risks, I am always over thinking everything, but I also know I owe it to myself to follow my dreams and think of myself. This experience will change my life no matter what.
This won't be easy either and I will have to work my off but I have the will and ambition to succeed and that makes me confident making this decission.

With all of this ahead, I can finally quit my job in 8 weeks and start a new phase in life. You have no idea how much of a relief it is knowing I can leave this job in 8 weeks. These weeks I will be occupied and have a lot to take care of.
I have to revamp my apartment and look for a candidate to rent it while I am gone, take care of a scholarhip, a working visa, need to find an apartment in Boston (with a roommate), renewal of my passport etc.
Before I leave I will go to Japan end of November to see a SHINee concert and the SMTown concert and spend some time with my boyfriend between Holland and Seoul before I am leaving to the USA.

Therefore I am sorry if I am lacking in updating anything in the past weeks and next weeks ahead.
I don't want to feel pressured to update since I have a lot of serious things to take care of before I leave and then there is my health as well which forces me to take a step back as well.
This doesn't mean I am leaving AFF (no way, I like it too much, lol), but I hope you all can understand and bare with me in the next weeks. I am currently preparing some updates to clarify my current situation here and there to avoid misunderstandings. I have some unfinished work to be done too, but I won't be entirely gone, just a little less present
and very occupied in the next weeks. Hope you all will forgive me and understand.

I wanted to share that with you.