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It was happening when I was in middle school. I enrolled into a bad school since my grade when I graduated elementary school was really bad. I cried a lot. I cursed so much because I really hate that school. The school was full of boys and girls with bad attitude. I entered the class A at that time. I met new friends and realized not all of them bad. I befriend with good friends and eventhough I started to feel comfortable with the surroundings, I still want to to move to the other school. Few months has passed and I grew more interest with the surroundings. I feel more comfortable with the friends because they are surprisingly nice and friendly. And beside because of the friends, i started to pay a little more attention to a boy in my class. He's loud. Not the loud of annoying. He's loud because he made lots of jokes. He is not handsome. He has the face of average looking people. He is also a gamer. He has an interest in computer, and he is good in english. I don't know how that happenes but as few days passed, my feelings for him grew even bigger. I told few of my friends about my feeling for him. And my friends told me that i've fallen in love with him. With that I conclude that I have my first love. He's my first love. At the semester break, i told my mom that I cancel the plan of me transferring into another school . Mom asked me because I was really want to move into another school before. I told her that I am comfortable with the surroundings already. That's actually one of the reason, but the main reason is because there's someone that I love there and I don't want to leave him. A new semester began. He and I grow more closer. We never talked to each other before but at that time we actually talked to each other. I knew him more personally and my feelings for him just grew mooooore bigger. He's really funny and he often made me smile. One day i asked him whether he has someone he like or not, and he told me yes. He had someone he like in the class. I was flaterred because I thought I had chance. I demanded him to tell me who that lucky girl was. He was hesitated to whether to tell me or not. He told me just ask one friend. I agreed and my heart raced. There was a chance that the girl was me. After that i came to this friend and asked her who was the lucky girl. My heart torn into pieces when she mentioned other girl's name, not mine. I fake excitedly and went playing cupid on both of them. Idk why i did that because everytime I smiled after playing cupid on both of them, my heart broke. My smile fell automatically when my friends was not around. I told my self to be strong. I told my self that this won't lasts forever. So few days after that, he confessed to the girl. The girl was half-heartedly accept him. I broke, but not too much. I kinda guessed that their r/s won't lasts long. My guessing was true because after few days they broke up. I smiled a victory smile. I had chances to be with him again. A new semester came, that means i grew to the higher grade which was now i am at the 2nd grade of middle school. A new semester, a new spirit, a new hope. There's something that won't be new. A feeling that i had for him. It's still the same. At this new semester, I met new friends because the school re-arrange the class. I had few friends that i had from my past class. One of them was him. I thanked god to gave me such a chance to meet us up in this new class. I met new friends, he met new friends, we met new friends. I met even greater friends in this class. My feelings for him went even greater too. He often came to my seat and tell me jokes. He sometimes asked me what im doing and stuffs. He just brought my self confidence high in the sky. By that time i had this thought if 65% im sure that he had the same feeling for me. I made new bestfriends. We shared secrets. I told them about my feelings for him. They promised to play a matchmaking for us. One day, one of my bestfriends told me that he told him about my feelings for him. He told her the answer. But i don't want to hear the answer. She forced me to know the answer. She asked me the way to know the answer; directly from him or just through her. I chose the safe way to just hear the answer from her. And so, she told me. "I like her, but only as a friend. I am really sorry because I can't respond to her feelings" I smiled. It was after school already, so I just directly went home. I entered my room, I locked the door. I cried my heart out loud. The next day after, I acted as if nothing happened. I told my self that him not responding my feelings not the end of world. I met him that day, and he came to me. Just like nothing happened. He made joke just like usual. I laughed as usual. I cried inside my heart. Few weeks after, I tried to move on by distracting my self from him. I searched for things that made me busy. I tried so hard but I sometimes stole a glance on him. To moved on, that's just hard. A few months passed, I upgraded my grade to the 3rd grade. I again met new friends. Fortunately he's not in the same class with me, so it's just making the process of move on easier. On the 3rd grade I also learned a new thing. I learned to like Korean Drama. A friend from the new class introduce me to that. I grew more interest in kdramas and... to kpop. A friend from an english class outside school introduce me to this new world. I completely forgot him. The love that I had for him replaced by kpop. A year after that, I graduated middle school. I enrolled into a high school of my fav so it was a relieve. I was still to drawn into kpop that i don't care about my past love story anymore. Ive successfully had moved on. One day, my cousin who is living with me brought her friends to home. He friends brought their boyfriends to come along so it was really crowded. At that time, i thought i saw someone who was really familiar, turned out to be him. He said hi to me, i replied his hi. We were so awkward that i excused my self first and go back to get busy thinking over oppas and not minding his existence. After the leaving of my cousin's friends, I asked her why would he was there. She told me that he's one of her bestfriend's boyfriend. So by that i know that as often as her friends will be coming home, as often as i will be meeting him pda-ing with his girlfriend. In my home. Few years passed, I graduated high school already. I enrolled to one of big name universities in my country. I thought I moved on since I never thought about him anymore. I heard that his relationship was still. They relationship lasts for years. Idk but i felt a bit hurt. One day, I saw him and he noticed me. We locked eyes for few seconds. My heart race. The beat was slightly the same just like i had 5 years ago. I think, the feelings came back. I haven't moved on for almost 6 years.