Hello dear friends and readers ت

I decided to write a blog about one of the subjects I keep seeing in several blogs these days 'Fans'.
This is not only a very interesting subject, I also know a lot about it and I also have a lot to say about it!
Whoever reads this, please don't judge me after reading this blog. This is based on my own experiences, my own point of view and well it's a real story.
Feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions about this subject leaving comments or message me personally.

I have been loving music since the day I can remember, I grew up with it I guess. My dad always made me listen to AC/DC, UB40, Bon Jovi, Boy George, Jimmy Summeville you name it. At an early age I developed my interest for music. However I grew up listening to the 80's music, I didn't  become fan of any kind of band particularly until the Backstreet Boys came into my life in 1995 ( I was 9). My parents didn't have a lot of money and were kind of struggling to get by, but I had the best aunt in the world who was collecting posters and interviews for me from several magazines, I loved her for it and these five boys were the first ones in my life I ever looked up to. They came in my life for a reason and they are the reason I am still alive today.
Anyways, I literally went to sleep to their music in the background, it was on constant repeat, there was nothing better than them and seeing all these articles of fans meeting these boys, I dreamed of the same thing, I mean, which girl doesn't want to meet their idol? I guess you do too!

I remember back in the 90's when they just started, things were crazy. The first time they came to Amsterdam and took a canal cruise fans actually jumped into the water to get to their boat (I know when I think back on it, I think; you idiots, lol) but I think excitement is what triggers these fans minds. The 90's were so crazy for them they werent safe in hotels, airports, streets, they couldn't go anywhere in public without being attacked and that is exactly what I see with some of the KPOP idols today, maybe not as extreme (I mean think back of The Beatles and Backstreet Boys, Take That, look it up for fun, you will know what I mean), but they sure are.
I wanted to see my idols so bad, but I knew my dad would never allow me, until 1999 when they did a tour and my friends parents actually begged my dad and convinced him it was alright. They even paid for my ticket to see them in one of the biggest Arena's Holland has, fitting 50.000 but instead it turned out to be 63.000 or so because these 50.000 tickets sold out in less than an hour (crazy right?) anyways...I was so hyped and excited to see them, FINALLY. 

I can tell you, seeing them perform was the best day in my life and not forget to mention, my first interacation from afar with my idols. While fans were going into the arena, me and my friend walked around exploring the place, too excited to see them concert, I could cry so happy. We saw a bunch of girls tapping on the window going wild (literally) I didn't know it was one of the boys outside they saw, in curiousity my friend and I had a look, it was AJ and he was waving at the fans. I was going so crazy so much adrenaline was going through my body, me and my friend got bouncy afterwards and what not else. We went back to out seats and the arena was starting to fill up slowly fans ran towards the stage as if life depended on it. My friend noticed another member, just walking around with a camera in his hand, filming the crowd, walking amongst fans, no one noticed him, really? Anyway, my friend called out his name and nearly fainted. I couldn't understand why, but she got so high she nearly really did. That was the closest we ever gotten seeing our idols. That night was amazing and I definitely had the time of my life.

They came back a month later to do two more shows and all sold out and I was lucky to go to another one with the same friend, it was amazing and I actually got to see them closer than I did in the big arena since I had floor tickets and was 12th row or something (I really can't remember, lol).

The 90's was a time where I had a lot of penpals and they always used to send me pictures with them and I would always envy them in a way. I always hoped and prayed it would be my turn one day, but I guess not everyone is so lucky.
The band never returned to Europe again until early 2005. The hype was gone I grew older, but I still loved them and they meant more to me than ever. I got to meet a group of girls randomly and they met Backstreet Boys a ton of times. I started to get in touch with them and believe it or not, on their promotion for their new album that time, we went to the TV studios with a group of 12 to see them in hopes to meet them or see them up close.
I was the happiest girl in the world, I finally met my idols, even there was a barrier in between. 

   

After waiting for 10 years, I finally got to be this close to them. We were lucky these boys came out, eventhough one of them was missing cause he was sick and went straight to the hotel (I still don't know if that is true or not, but oh well). I was 19 at this time and at a period of going through a rough time. My grandpa was not doing so well and little did I know he would pass away in September that year, a day before I was planning on going to Stockholm to see my idols, my heroes.

I was on the age I made my own money and could do what I wanted to since I didn't study at that time. I was still in the middle of figuring out what my purpose in life is, what I wanted to do. I treated myself with a trip around Europe to see these boys in 5 different cities in Europe. This was my chance to see a bit of the world (I love traveling) and see my favorite boys on stage. I also needed this trip more than anything else in the world, I was going through a rough time. Since my grandpa just passed away, I didn't quite know if I should go on with my trip or stay home. Eventhough my grandpa didn't have any strength to speak, my mother asked him what I should do. Stay home or go. His last words were "She has to follow her dreams" little did I know what he meant and what was in store for me.

I didn't think twice and flew out to Stockholm, Sweden to see them. It was their first show of their European tour and I was having a blast with a Belgian friend that time. We ended up finding their hotel (don't ask me how, we somehow did) and met them outside of the hotel and got in touch with a crew guy (like we really didn't know who he was and he came to talk to us and asked where we came from, guess we didn't look Swedish? LOL). He mentioned he was a crew guy, but we just laughed at it and didn't believe a word. He said he was going to get a beer and come back outside to take us into the hotel. He went inside and we never expected him to come back, but he did. That's where it all started, my little adventure. No longer I had to wait in the cold, but could just calmly wait in the lobby for the boys to come back, and that was about the first time I quietly met them and they were so nice!! I couldn't believe it all happened. Just when I thought Stockholm was amazing, I had unforgettable moments in my next cities: Rotterdam, Brussels, Cologne and Lisbon. I NEVER am lucky with anything. NEVER win anything, but how lucky did I got those days; I went to soundcheck parties in Rotterdam, Brussels and Lisbon, I saw their tourbus, I met them more in hotels, stayed in the same hotels, front rows all shows, and a good experience, lots of pictures richer.

Thinking back to all of this, I think my grandpa knew. Not only did I meet my heroes, they gave me the strength I needed, but I als learned a bit more about myself. I grew my interest in finding out more about the music industry. I wasn't so much in 'awe' when I met them, I loved every single second of it, but I wanted to know what was going on behind the curtain.

I met the boys again in 2007, but this was a hard period where I found out who my real friends were and also learned to trust my own gutt. I never have been the kind of girl to go banana's in front of their idols. My dad always said I would faint when I would meet my heroes, but actually, I was surprisingly calm O.o no spazzing, nothing. At some point my friends who I was with asked me how I could stay so calm. Well I guess I just don't want to stand out? I was battling a lot with myself, my self esteem was at its lowest in this period, I went to therapy for it. Not only was 2007 where I got really really hurt by friends, I also lost my dad.
The boys gave me the light and energy I needed to deal with it.

Anyways, I leaarned, fandoms come with a lot of teritory and it's not always a good sight. People like to talk and let me tell you; rumors, rumors, rumors. Just because some girls saw me hugging a security guy (yea one I was close with) I found out people were talking about me when I was waiting in line on the Amsterdam show, that I did a foursome with god knows who O.o like....I couldn't believe my ears. Truth is, fans like to make up stories when they see something and they like to assume everyone is a when they talk to a security or to the boys even.
Never in my life, will I sell myself to a crew or security guard to meet my idols, I have way too much self respect to sell myself.
I've seen it with my own eyes when one of the girls I knew went into the hotel room with one of the band members. The next day he gave her a disgusted, cheap look. I wonder if that made her feel better than me? What do you gain from selling yourself like that? I never quite understood. Yea sure, you'll have an adventure for one night, but when you think of it, they will never look at you the same ever again, as just the easy girl or target they did. Not only that, they no longer have respect for you and the next day everyone knows, you really don't wanna go there.

I learned to deal with it. Let them talk! Don't always assume anything that you see.
Eventhough I did my share of 'crazy' things, although I wouldn't consider it really crazy, because I never had my camera in their face, I kept my distance, wasn't pushy, didn't scream, stayed calm and didn't throw myself at them, reading all these things about seassang fans make my blood boil. Not because I am on their side, but simply because I think it is disgusting.

When do people understand and realize that these singers, actors etc are just human beings like me? I thought the Backstreet Boys was crazy. Wherever they go, hotels are literally fully booked and full with girls. Eventhough I stayed in some myself, the boys always came to me...I never threw myself at them. I thought I had seen and it all but seassang fans, creep me out.
I am glad the Backstreet Boys fandom kind of grew up to where the boys can actually go out of their hotels and actually take their time to meet their fans and they do, really! They take time to meet their fans wherever they go. I wouldn't have believed this when it was 1995, i guess that would have been out of the question. Times has changed, they have changed, they got older and so did the fans, they're mature.

Seassang fans to me are stalkers, phsycho's if you will. What makes them trigger so hard to follow their idols around in a taxi they will get into a car accident? What makes them think to figure out their phone numbers? I wanna meet some one day and I think the day I do, I won't be the nice girl you know me as.

Eventhough I did my things to meet my idols, I respected their privacy and space. I never took pictures inside the hotel, only outside. I never took private pictures for anyone else to see. I kept my distance and my cool I stayed myself all this time while everyone else around me showed me their other face (That is exactly why Iended my friendship with some people back then, I don't like two faced people). I never followed their vans, or followed them to the airport or what so ever, it's dangerous and disrespectful. Anyhoo, those fans don't know where to draw the line and think they can interfere with their idols lives whenever they can, like they owe the fans or something? You mad?

Whenever I hear an idol got into an accident. or when fans are forbidden to go to the tv studios to cheer for their favorite idols, orr get yelled at when band members are helping each other out when one gets hurt, I get angry and pissed and it makes my hand itch, really. I just like to ask them; what makes them think it is ok to do what they do?

What I am trying to say is; I now realize and see why KPOP idols are so protected, just because fans don't know where to draw the line and it's a shame. Idols often get pointed at for being arrogant because no pictures can be taken, no autographs will be given, but don't you ever wonder it is fans themselves who screw it up for themselves and other fans who do know how to treat idols as human beings? You don't have to stalk your idols around to everywhere they go. I see so many pictures everywhere all the time I ask myself; don't you have work? School? A Life?...eventhough these idols keep smiling, I wonder if they really like it having camera's in their face all the time.

You don't have to act a crazy person to meet your idol. I never behaved any differently then myself and I never failed meeting my idols, in fact, I got to talk to them in a way others would kill me for, just by being who I am.
Don't you think it is more fun to be yourself and actually be able to talk to your idols instead of being pushed away?

I am not sure if that will ever happen, but I hope for the idols sake it will change someday. It must be frustrating to worry about your safety and about being yourself as an Idol, seriously. I feel bad for them.
There is no reasons to be mad at managers, they do what they can to protect their idols, because fans screw it up for themselves and others. I want to be a manager myself and I am studying for it, but I would do the same thing. I'll be cool if you are cool. None given none taken ;) Managers aren't so bad, trust me!

Well this blog turned out quite long didn't it? I guess I made my point clear? :P BE YOURSELVES GIRLS....stop throwing yourselves at them, it doesn't get you anywhere. You'll stand out when you don't want to trust me and it will reward you bigger than acting like a fool in front of your idol ;)

PS: I think All Time Low's 'Weightless' music video is epic <3