Yesterday, my English teacher called a bunch of names she wished to speak to after class. And I wasn't included, at first. AT FIRST.

She came back inside the classroom and called for me.

So, she started talking.

She said there was going to be an Interschool competition and she wanted us to represent our school.

Somehing about public speaking.

With those words, public speaking, I didn't want to hear what she ahd to say next. The answer right from the start was no.

Then my teacher mentioned that if we pass the auditions, we will receive a training for the competition..

My ears perked up upon hearing those words.

My thoughts began to reshuffle. There was another layer of thought upon which had been the first just a moment ago.

And so I started thinking, "I need this," 

as my teacher went on and on about the details of which might bore you if i state them all, I couldn't make up an answer.

I aim for one answer, the opposite side pulls me back down.

We were given just a day to think all of this over. Our teacher expects an answer by the end of the day.

I couldn't concentrate on Physics and Math because of this.

Past years of my life, the perfection I have attained through practices just exploded into nothing when I got on any stage. I begin trembling, quivering or shaking, whatever. And every after all those performances, I hated myself bit by bit. Insecurities started building up.

Last year, we had this debate and I was matched against this girl. She started speaking and I watched her from where I stood. and so I thought, "This girl spoke with conviction, with confidence. You know, you could do that, even much more. But why didn't you?"

I know from the depths of my heart and mind that i need this. This is an opportunity I have to take if I want to overcome this stage fright and I'd be foolish if I don't take it. I think this is the time that I step up and battle and see how much I can do. I need this to prove to myself that I can do much more than to quiver. I need this to be etched in my hearrt and mind that I am good at something, that I don't need to feel useless.