Warning: depending on your level on interest on yesterday's blog post, this might or may not be a long post :)

So, yesterday I was devastated. The rumors about SM swallowing J.Tune just... disconnected me from everything. Is it childish to care so much about a band? About people you never met? Is it childish to actually hope the best for them without even asking for a chance to meet them? I don't know, but that's what I felt yesterday.

I just was not able to write or do anything else. And as shameful as it sounds I cried TT.TT and it wasn't even MBLAQ playing on the background, but SHINee's 'In My Room (unplugged ver.)'. And while crying about the news involving MBLAQ I fell yet again in that hateful state of mind where my head is full of thoughts and questions I hate to even remember. And I just stood and tried to put everything in order, from k-pop to personal life. Yeah, the ups and downs of my life... And there I was, middle of the night and no chance to get some sleep.

So, I picked two random movies, in hopes they'd make me feel better.

Wrong.

Well, at least for the first one.

"Warm Bodies" was the movie that started the night, if I may say so. I recommend it because you might see the beauty of humanity after seeing it. Of course, it's cheesy and all, but the message is pretty impressive in my opinion. I cried like a baby even though the movie ain't melodramatic or anything that could cause tears to be spilled. Let's just say my hopes in humanity was partially restored.

Yes, I have hope now.

The second movie was a blast. It made me laugh with the face buried in the pillow so that I won't wake up my dad. "The Big Wedding" will make you laugh like crazy with its colourful language and awesome cast distribution. I know DeNiro really made my night along the secrets that were revealed all along the movie. I should have watched this one first, 'cause it definitely made me feel better. Now I understand the meaning of laughing even when you're having a bad day :)

But even after shutting down my PC and going to sleep, I just stood in the dark and thought of all the things I am afraid of: changing is one of the important fears, I decided. Alongside with growing up and leaving to I have-no-idea-where-exactly-to-do-I-don't-actually-know-what. Fear of not belonging to anywhere, fear of losing myself in the process, fear of not having enough time for me at the end of the day. These and all the others have made quite a show inside my head last night. And I hate when this happen! I really, really, hate it that I worry for every single little thing that appears in my way! >.<"

And then I went back to k-pop, realizing that I was wrong with yesterday's post. Not wrong as in "I-no-longer-hate-SM", but wrong as in "I-should-have-kept-that-to-myself-since-not-everyone-thinks-the-same-as-me". I do feel like I own an apologize to SM fans since they probably don't like the idea or merging with their 'pure blooded' artists either (not my expression, quoted from the Internet^^'). But I want you to understand that I am scared. SM is demanding a lot from their artists while giving them almost nothing (protection is what I mean mainly). They just go for the popular ones while the others (f(x) for example) have to wait and wait for a chance to get in the spotlight. And I fear that once the merging is done, after they put the groups on work, changing the style and whatnot, they'll come to the conclusion that they just do not fit with the initial plan and will just force their disbandment. And I want MBLAQ to stay who they are, 'cause they're one of the most sincere groups I follow, both on stage and off stage. They're proud of the 'village idiots' image they built for themselves and now they have a chance to prove themselves as more than Rain's idol group. They are awesome just as they are.

Of course, I'd be thrilled if they'd get more popular in the process, but not if that means they lose themselves and transform into something they aren't on the inside. 'Cause MBLAQ is more than a fancy group of idols that do music for money. They're a family and we, A+es, are supporting them even though we are a small fandom.

*sigh* I just hope you understand my point of view now.

On another note, I'm super impressed with SPICA's comeback *.* Damn, those girls really made my day yesterday with their newest track, 'Tonight'. Wonderful MV as well! Give it a try if you haven't yet. You'll like it :) It's funny and funky and modern^^

Oh, oh, oh! And Block B is back in the business! HECK YEAH! *fist pump*

Oh, now I can go ^~^ Bye-Bye...