"He added a few gaping holes in the damaged building on the right and extended the rusty iron bars poking out of a garment industry with its top half blown off most probably by the air raid represented by the sharply angled fighter planes hovering like hungry scavengers over the bloody plight of half massacred bodies."

Final score: 98.5/100

Message:

I thoroughly enjoyed every bit of this fic (even though it's not my ship) and I really love your writing style! Keep up the good work! ^^

Your title is brilliant. On first impression it hints at endless possibilities and before reviewing / reading it / even clicking on it there were numerous different plotlines running through my head that would meet it. Unlike some people out there I really do like one word titles if the word chosen is well chosen, because one word titles leave room for imagination, curiosity, and connection. By using an one word title the author allows readers to generate their own thoughts about what may happen in the story and as they read allows them to make their own connections to how the happenings relate to the title. But most importantly I believe that there is a poetic symbolism that comes into play with abstract one word titles. In this case saturation becomes, embodies the entire motif of your story (which to me is the color in life).

Now onto the word saturation. I myself know that saturation affects the brilliance of color in art as being a graphic design in my free time I often have to use saturation as a tool. However, this vague definition / grasp of its significance is not enough to fully appreciate the brilliance of this word in the context of your story. Here is something I pulled off of the web: 

"A highly colorful stimulus is vivid and intense, while a less colorful stimulus appears more muted, closer to gray. With no colorfulness at all, a color is a “neutral” gray (an image with no colorfulness in any of its colors is called grayscale). With three attributes—colorfulness (or chroma or saturation), lightness (or brightness), and hue—any color can be described."

Saturation is thus the amount of color we allow into art or we perceive visually. Without saturation color appears as a gray. To me this is the greatest connection to your entire story. Your fanfic is a journey through the saturation of our inner selves and our lives. In the beginning Yixing life is perhaps at a saturation of 0% making it a dull gray and because of this he finds there to be something lacking. Kris on the other hand represents a high saturation of somewhere close to 100% and as he is introduced to Yixing's life Yixing's own saturation goes up. We see this represented in the coloring of his gray paintings. But your story goes on to the disappearance of Kris where then afterwards Yixing's paintings go back to gray. I however, don't perceive this as a loss in saturation; in the literal sense yes, saturation has been lost but in the figurative sense Yixing has already been changed. He has come to terms with the other side of him that previously he had hidden. This is represented in his final piece, The Tree of Life; but I believe that it is represented even better in the changing of his paintings to include more emotion. While saturation represents the vividness of color in the symbolic sense it can represent the vividness of reality. At the end of this story Yixing's paintings have become real.

As such, though there is a lot of symbolism and motifs in your story, I believe the existence and change in saturation is the most important one. Saturation, under my interpretation, represents Yixing's recognition of reality and of his own self. Thus it is highly appropriate that you chose this word for your title.

And just as a last thought, I thought I'd share something else with you:

"The saturation of a color is determined by a combination of light intensity and how much it is distributed across the spectrum of different wavelengths."

Saturation is determined by light. The intensity of light is another main focus of the story. The ties and interrelations between these two elements is I believe one that is constantly revisited (subtly) throughout the story. Though you never mention it directly it is certainly hinted that with light comes saturation and with saturation comes color.

There's just so much intent and symbolism behind this one word that using any other word would be wrong. I give high props to you for choosing this one word out of all the other words in the English dictionary that you could have used. It is beautiful.

Everyone knows what a kaleidoscope is but most have never heard of the word discotheque ("a nightclub that features dancing to recorded or sometimes live music and often has showy decor and elaborate lighting"). I myself had to search this up. Once I knew the meaning I thought it was brilliant however, most readers would not bother with this and may very well x out of the window as they have lost interest due to the complexity in the word choice. Something I would do is a bit lower define both kaleidoscope and discotheque (I'm not sure if you have ever seen those forwards where they take a single word and define it? It may be a good idea to do something similar.) this would be a good way to help readers get into your story, especially those who are not as familiar with the English language.

Now let's talk about the quote. The quote is beautiful, the language of it is extremely well versed. However (this has nothing to do with your description but rather is completely about this quote) it is unclear to me in the development of your story the contrast between kaleidoscope and discotheque and when Yixing experiences them. Rather to me it seems like in the end they may have completely blurred into a single representation of light. Distinctions should be made better and given your writing skill I would have loved to read about the shadows of the discotheque in contrast with the blinding light of the kaleidoscope. This I believe would give more highlight to the story; but it is simply extra and not necessary. It is just that if one is to use a quote for the description of a story it is a good idea to use one that has a major connection to the happenings in the story (which it does just not one that is developed to its fullest potential).

The distinction runs into another problem with the next sentence of your description. Earlier we talked of two different types of light spectrums, the kaleidoscope model and the discotheque model, however in the next sentence these two models are blended into one with the phrase 'iridescent spectrum of light'. This bothers me, a lot, as because you used or in the quote it means that the two models are distinct from each other. But with this sentence I have to assume that you are talking about both models at once which leaves me confused as to whether or not there is a distinction. Furthermore, if there is, then what spectrum of light is Yixing truly seeking? Which one does he receive in the end? To me with Kris life is like a kaleidoscope and in the interactions between the two Yixing experiences life through the kaleidoscope model; this model is then visually represented through The Tree of Life. If this were so the case then it would seem as through the kaleidoscope model demands more importance than the discotheque model and thus in the quote the two models should switch positions. This would make the most sense to me.

As a last note on this particular topic I know that in the end (your conclusion) you do blur these two different models into one:

"Standing there, looking at the kaleidoscope of life, the discotheque of reality, alone but not lonely, Yixing finally understood what that childish answer meant."

To me, this completely and utterly confuses the reader. Because there was a distinction made by the 'or' in Kris' quote. Or implies one or the other yet Yixing experiences both. The two are quite different concepts as I explored earlier so it does not make much sense to me.

Next, on the forward. I'm having really mixed feelings about it. So I'm going to be straight out and tell you both of my opinions on it. First the good. I like it. I truly do. Just from reading it I could tell that this story would be exploring the reason, the event, the story behind how these paintings came to be. The one perfect sentence in the entire prologue to me is this:

"It defined that paper-thin boundary between fiction and reality, between rationality and emotionality, that icy rim between two extremities; it was Life."

This one sentence gives us a clear glimpse into your poetic style of writing which utilizes decisive words and phrasing to give us a lucid picture of what you are trying to describe while using metaphors and figurative terms to describe the symbols and fictional, intangible things that we cannot see. This one sentence also sets up the tension of the two contrasting forces of fiction and reality which to me is an interesting concept. My interest was definitely invoked upon reading this sentence; but not because of plot enticing me in but rather because of your language. That being said, while I enjoyed it and was pulled in by the beauty of your language your language may also turn many off. There are many on AFF that aren't looking for something deep and would thus be discouraged against continuing to read your fanfiction. However, this is not your problem and should not be something you change in your writing as each story has its own audience, no story is for all. It's just some food for thought.

There is one other sentence that I'd like to point out that I thought was well phrased and well done:

"After a period of artistic sullenness, something had happened which had made Yixing not see emotions but feel them and inculcated in him a talent of giving a tangible form to the same."

The important thing this sentence does it is it tells us that there was something certain that caused this drastic masterpiece of art. That something makes readers want to continue reading. Now, looking at the tags one can probably infer that that something has to do with Kris. For Kray shippers that may be all it takes for them to continue reading and for others the enticement of wanting to know what exactly caused this change is a powerful tool in capturing their attention. My philosophy towards forwards is always this: One must have something in there that hints at the unknown as to lure in the curiosity in the reader. I think you do that here. It is not perfect as I am not that curious about what happened to Lay but it is enough and that is all that matters.

The other thing that I like about this forward, that doesn't happen often, is the fact that it is not told from the pov of the main character (Lay), rather we view the scene through Suho's eyes. It was not until I finished reading your story that I finally understood the reason. But that is another matter. Rather I want to discuss the implications of this with you. There are two possible reactions. One, the reader will think that perhaps Suho is the main character rather than Yixing. Two, the reader will wonder what is special about this scene that makes it so only Suho can tell it (possible answers are Yixing's dead, Yixing didn't come). The latter way of thinking is extremely desirable and if the reader thinks in such a mindset it is another push for them to continue reading your story. However, the former can be dangerous territory; especially if the reader is here only for Lay. (Once again, just food for thought, I don't think this necessitates a change. I myself was more along the lines of thought of the second category of people I described.)

Now on to the problem I had with this forward.

It moved too slowly. There wasn't enough breath holding moments where I knew I just had to keep on reading. There wasn't a cliffhanger, there wasn't a huge mystery, there was no conflict and rather things were just beautiful and serene. As I said early, I enjoy this type of reading and I enjoy your type of style; however, not everyone can appreciate it. I think there is a delicate balance between using beautiful language and attracting readers. A bit more of plot may have made this forward more effective because save for some parts in the last two paragraphs the entire thing was description. Imagery is good, but not enticing.

Now, the reason for this lack of plot is simple. This entire passage is quite literally your conclusion. As a conclusion seeks to wrap up loose ties it is no surprise that it will not contain many enticers. Another bad thing about using a long cut of your conclusion as your forward is that when I got to the conclusion my eyes literally skipped completely over it because I had already read it. That is bad. Bad, bad, bad. Another horrible thing it does is revealing what will happen at the end, is it a complete review, no, but it reveals. Throughout the entire story I knew that the exhibit would be a success...and I didn't like knowing that.

Ugh, so at the same time even though I've told you it’s bad, bad, bad I want to tell you what I liked about your choice to use part of the conclusion as your prologue. Because your story is exploring the past I think it sets up the scene very nicely.

In the end I took off one point for lack of enticement in the forward but don't get me wrong, it is completely a thing of opinion based on each person's unique taste. I thought that the forward and description were both extremely well done.

I'm being completely honest here, I've never seen a story line quite like yours on AFF, in movies, or even in books (I read a lot so that's saying something). That being said, congratulations on thinking up of a plot so unique. The uniqueness of your story comes from two sources. The first source is the actually plot line which is well done with the whole hitman asking for forgiveness thing and an artist who paints in all gray. The second source, which to me is the more important source, is the intended meaning behind the story. Your intended meaning is so deep and so symbolic that little can come close to terms with it based on originality. I'm going to keep this short and discuss the intended meaning more under plotline so read there for more analysis on that.

I identify three important characters in this story: Yixing, Kris, and Suho. I'll be talking about each of them individually but first I'd like to offer a summary on your overall skills. As already mentioned, your way with words is incredible; likewise this leads to incredible characterization. One of the biggest things about granting life to your characters is being above to describe them clearly using words; which you have already mastered. Next is the fact that you wrote them realistically, each of the three has realistic reactions to the happenings in the story and even the slight romance is done in a realistic way. We don't have any of that fluffy, cheesy romance that is not real, rather the way you write their love is believable and relatable. Please read the following analysis with this in mind: Your characters are already perfect, I'm not going to dive into their individual traits, how to make that shine more, because that's not what you need. Rather I'm going to tell you what I found odd in their characters things that you might want to consider making clearer or fixing or just taking in for thought. As such there will be no complimenting in the next section but know in your heart that the reason you got a 10/10 is because all I have for you are compliments.

First on the main character: Yixing. I am not an artist, so I do not think like an artist nor do I understand how an artist perceives the world. I am a graphic designer which some would consider artists but to me each type of art is different. As such I cannot tell you that the way you portray Yixing is wrong, as he is a talented acclaimed painter not a graphic designer the only works for fun. However I want to tell you some of my completely baseless opinions. The fact that Yixing sees lights and colors everywhere is just outright disturbing. It's almost as though painting has taken over his entire brain. I'm not sure if that was what you were aiming for but it feels sort of unrealistic. This light that he continues to see can even be considered a figment of his imagination and thus is hard to connect two.

The second issue I had with Yixing is that he doesn't seem his age. In my mind as I was reading your story...for some odd reason he seemed to me a sixteen year old rather than twenty two. I guess I base this on the fact that his mind is confused and he is going through a developmental period. But it slightly bothers me, it doesn't irk me, just slightly bothers me. Another minor issue.

Now on to Kris. There is only one thing about Kris that slightly annoys me. The way that he keeps on asking for forgiveness. Yes, I understand that that is an important part of the hidden meaning but it's not realistic. The reason of him being a hitman and wanting to apologize and not leaving until he is forgiven just doesn't sell it. If you perhaps given me more of a reason as to why Kris had to be forgiven I would not have minded but no reason was given.

Lastly, Suho. Suho is a character that I wished was more developed or given more time in this story. I see lots of potential for his character and I almost wished you gave me some sort of clue as to how he felt about Yixing. In the end Suho is the only real person by Yixing's side. I would have thought that he'd be more concerned with Yixing's condition but he did not. In the final conclusion we see him asking where Yixing was; this could have hit really hard but it didn't simply because Suho wasn't developed enough for that to happen. Of course I understand that he is not the main character or even a focus of this story and thus did not dock points for this as per the reasons mentioned in the summarization.

There is no need to even talk about how perfect your language and mechanics are and I think you already understand that. So rather I'm going to point out something that you should refrain from doing in the future (also the reason why I docked one point). There are certain parts in your story where it was unclear who 'he' referred to for each of these times I had to reread the sentence to try to figure out if we were talking about Kris or Yixing. It occurred perhaps three times, not a big deal but puts a bit of strain on the reader when trying to keep up with the action of the story.

Just a note (an observation for you to consider but please remember that I love your writing style and would not have you change it for any reason in the world) there is a delicate balance between how much and how little detail should be in place in the course of a story. Too little detail makes a story vague while too much detail makes the reader bored. While I myself was entertained by your language many may x out of your story because the descriptions dragged on. But as I mentioned earlier, every author writes for a different crowd, if you don't mind the regular readers not giving your story a chance this is not something to worry about. But some times less description actually creates a more dramatic effect.

You have an amazing plotline. From beginning to end there was a perfect tie and wrap and connection between everything that happened. I could tell that you set out to write with a clear vision of what to write as the introduction and the conclusion and everything in between all built on top of each other.

What interested me most is the author's note at the end of everything and that is what I will be spending time on as everything is already brilliant and if I were to truly analysis this complex piece of art it would take another three thousand words.

"Kris is the mirror image of Yixing. He is an extension of Yixing's personality which he conceived. He was indeed shot that night but not by Kris but someone else but the shot stimulated the creation of the alter ego. Yixing knew it throughout that Kris is just a part of his forgotten personality which is why he asks Suho to leave so that he does not have to divulge into the reality of the situation.

Kris is supposed to represent Yixing's colored works which failed which is why Kris asks for forgiveness but Yixing realizes that even Kris was never a failure; his older self was never a failure so there is no question of forgiving."

This quite literally, shocked me. I read it three times over to make sure I was getting it, that these words were not just being made up in my brain. The reason being that perhaps only you, the author, will be able to interpret this meaning without guide. That being said, it is a brilliant meaning and it suddenly made me realize a lot of things I had missed and explained so much of everything. Understanding this concept really allows the reader to enjoy the story more. Which while it may seem like I am complimenting you (don't worry I am) this is also a double edged sword. You will have readers who feel completely cheated. They had invested so much emotion into a plot that in the end was not real. Other readers may feel like you've lied to them! And then there will be others (like me) who wished they knew this information before hand or at least were able to somehow get this information from the actual story instead rather than from you because it would have allowed deeper enjoyment in reading. These problems arise from the fact that while you have a great deeper meaning it is not conveyed clearly enough, the readers are unable to guess exactly your intention and thus feel cheated, lied to, or deprived.

With that said I want to tell you what readers may perceive from your story; what they actually understand based on your words.

First, Kris has wings. This leaves readers with one explanation, he's an angel. Two, Kris is a hitman. This makes readers assume that he is a fallen angel. This is confirmed by the fact that even you describe him as an angel.

Next, Kris displays characteristics that are opposite of that of Yixing. Readers most likely conclude that they are fated to be, after all 'opposites attract'.

Then, Suho barges in and Kris disappears! Readers come up with two explanations for this. One: Kris actually does disappear as he is a supernatural creature. Two: Kris was only a figment of Yixing's brain (this is the desired one and closest to your intentions).

Finally, we find out that Kris is not the man that fires at Yixing. If that is so the case once again there are two possible explanations that readers likely come up with. First: Kris was lying and his only true intention is to get close to Yixing. Second: Kris isn't real in the first place.

Well if Kris is only a figment of Yixing's imagination than how do we explain the Northern Lights? The scene at the Northern Lights likewise brings two common inferences. One: Yixing and Kris were friends and they made the Lights together, Kris later died and became an angel. Two: Kris and Yixing used to know each other but were separated now rejoined by fate.

It is then seen that readers (unless they think really deeply about the story) do not perceive things the way you intend for them to. Even though the story can still be enjoyed in the literal terms I believe this is a loss for both you and the reader. You are unable to convey a beautiful message and the reader is unable to know that beautiful message. All I can say to this is that it needs to be hinted at more obviously in order for the fruits of this beautiful meaning to be harvest.

Lastly I want to discuss the plot holes in this deeper meaning. The first issue that completely bothered me was if Yixing and Kris are actually just part of the same consciousness then how did they fall in love? How did they kiss? It is extremely odd and messed up when put in these terms. I do not know how you intended for this to be resolved but I would love to know the answer (hint hint, comment this).

The second issue is that Kris was created due to the gunshot. But how? How is it that getting shot will arose this complex chain of events? What makes Kris appear? What gives him a solid form and what's with the wings if he is other a hidden part of Yixing? And back to the first issue, what makes them fall in love? There is simply no reason for Kris to appear because Yixing was shot. Furthermore, if Yixing always knew then why did he fall in love as well?

Besides such I like your concept and I believe it is truly unique and captivating. The last thing I'd like to touch on is the ending. The ending is not definite and I'd like to think that this was done on purpose as you wanted to allow the readers to discover their own ending. In this case Yixing could have jumped off the cliff (the portal) and literally died thus causing him to see Kris again or he may have left this place to go explore that colorful world (this would be a figurative explanation); either way the reader is allowed his or her own conclusion which if this was your intention it is not my place to judge. If however, you did not mean to make the conclusion ambiguous I would suggest making this part of the conclusion more clear and definite.

The flow and organization of your story is brilliant. As slightly touched on in the plotline and readability section, your way of writing flows like lines of poetry and it is clear that the plotline has a solid beginning and end with a long chain of interlinked events. The only warning I extend to you once again is the amount of readers you may lose with long descriptions and deep word choice. Just a warning and a note, not something I believe in changing.

I enjoyed this story. I truly did. Thank you for sharing it with me and allowing me to 'review' it even though it was so well written that 'reviewing' it is more like talking and discussing it than it is 'critiquing' it. You have an amazing way with words that I have yet to discover on AFF and certainly deserve more recognition. The entire plot of this story me in and the meaning and concept behind me left me captivated and thinking. During the reading of this story there were many paths I thought of for the story to take (the love path, the color path) but in the end it took a path that I did not think of and though slightly disappointed it was also a pleasant surprise and it allowed the story to emerge out of the typical cookie cutter shaped fanfiction.

It was a changing experience.

Congratulations for being the highest score I will probably ever give a story I review on AFF. Congratulations for possessing a wonderful talent with words that few will ever achieve. Lastly, congratulations for writing a beautiful story.

As a few last notes on just the appearance of your story. Your poster, I'm assuming you made it yourself correct, though it does not affect your actual writing I'd like to give you a bit of critique on it. Firstly, it does not suit your story. You, if you did design the poster, should have the greatest understanding of your story and this should reflect in the poster you design. But I failed to see that. Your story is not a dark one; seeing your poster I half expected to read a dark, horror fanfiction. Your story is about a painter who comes to terms with and discovers his self. A more suitable poster would be one falling under a gray theme. Fire also does not suit your story, if anything rain would. While a better poster cannot make your story worse or better it can help attract readers. There are several amazing poster shops out there and I would go take a look at any one of them for a perhaps more suitable option.

Next, I applaud you on your layout, taking the time to chose a layout for your story has benefits in making it more enjoyable and easy to read, props to you for that. Something I would suggest is changing the color of the first letter to something smoky blue or dark gray; it would suit the mood of your story better. Also, I dislike the fact only the first paragraph in each section is indented. Either indent them all or don't indent any, it is an issue of consistency and can really irk some people (myself).

On a different note, I commend you on the amount of color names you used. I can tell (well unless you knew them to begin with) that you put a lot of work into this story since those color names are not commonly seen. It was refreshing to read them and I would think to myself, the names of those colors rob me of my breath.

Please continue writing, never stop.

Don't forget to credit back to our shop, link required!

(Just a note from the reviewer: I'm sorry this was such a long review, if you did finish reading the entire thing I commend you and hope it was enlightening / useful or at least an interesting read. I have no idea how it turned out so long - 5225 words! - but your story is just one that screams to be analyzed and intricately dissected. Thank you for requesting and sorry for any typos.)

The title, after much thought, is a perfect title for this story.

Description&Foreword (10/10) :

The one word to explain it would be perfect. Just reading the two makes one want to continue reading.

Content&Plot (18/20) :

Wow, you wrote a lot.  o: The plot is really original and the story is deep. I really admire your talent for writing.

Characters (10/10) : 

The characters were so diverse and original. I have nothing else to say about this because I have no critique  here. c: ...

Grammer&Spelling (9/10) :

Wow. Your English is practically impeccable. I have to say, you're incredibly talented with imagery. But honestly, I probably only understood about maybe half of what happened. There were far too many words that I didn't know to use the dictionary every time. I suggest maybe toning it down, just a bit. The story was beautifully written but it's useless if the reader can't understand.

Chapter 1, section 6 (?)

You wrote : According to the vow, he wouldn't leave Yixing till he had forgiven him for his crime and since Yixing had not, he found it all right to drop by his place whenever possible.

I assume you're using British English, so this is fine (unless you're using Canadian English, if you are, I think this is a mistake). I just wanted to point out that if you were using Canadian English, the proper would be 'alright' instead of 'all right'. *Link to what I'm referring to*

In the same section : 
You wrote : Kris, on the other hand, loved it when Yixing called his name even it was dripping with anger.

->Kris, on the other hand, loved it when Yixing called his name even if it was dripping with anger.

Chapter 2, section 1

You wrote : May be he could never deserve the forgiveness he was yearning for.

->Maybe he could never deserve the forgiveness he was yearning for.
->It may be he could never deserve the forgiveness he was yearning for.

Chapter 2, in the last little bit.

"Kris was smiling as if remembering some lost childhood of such free art and Yixing for the first time, so his younger self in him.
*saw (?)

Chapter 3, near the middle-ish of the first section

You wrote : Clearly, Yixing was not involved in the relationship as him.

-> Clearly, Yixing was not as involved in the relationship as him.

I couldn't find anything more than  few very minor mistakes. :p 

Organization/Flow (8/10) :

Everything was fine, sectioned nicely. Adding on to what I had said above, the flow of reading could be disrupted because a reader can't thoroughly understand everything because of the complexity of your vocabulary. It's like this story is solely for walking dictionaries because the English seems so advanced.

Appearance (9/10) :

The poster is very nicely made and the colours were a wise choice. 

Enjoyment (17/20) : 

I want to give you and the story full marks here but I can't because I didn't enjoy it as much as I could've with full understanding of what was happening.

Total : 91/100 -- congratulations! you made it to our hall of fame!

Personal Views: Not an in depth review as I would have preferred but the reviewer is honest and accepting of her shortcomings.