Drawing Of You

It was a small dark room, with a single dimming light that would glimmers once in a while, trying hard to illuminate the dark room. It was truly a small dark room, with its wall painted with the color gray. It was a very simple room, consisted of a single bed at the corner, a small desk in front of the window, and some clothes on the floor. It has its own scent – the scent of oil pastels and paints, crayons, and also pencils. It was a messy and dirty place with leftover food everywhere.

A single man lives there; his age was rather young, living alone at the age of early 20s. He had it, the work of art. It was leisure Friday morning, the first Friday of the summer vacation, and it seems he hasn’t had the time to lay back and enjoy the summer heat. His hands never stops, creating beautiful work of arts that none could beat.

It was clear, how he hasn’t stop working for days. He look rather sick and insane, meeting such a person at the street would only scare you. He had those panda eyes, his eyes was dark and rather mysterious, so does his gaze, it was sharp and tempting. His lips were pale, pale pink, and his hair was messy. He stinks a lot, as if he hasn’t showered for days, but maybe it was true. He hasn’t stopped working for days.

He looked desperate. For the fifth time, he failed. With much force, he bang his wooden paint brush, breaking it into two helpless pieces. Desperate, he ruffled his hair and brought both his eyes to another work of art he had made but it failed to satisfy him. It was his first time in life, where he couldn’t feel satisfies of his own works. Something was lacking, something outside his grasp.

He curses under his breath and opened the curtain to let sun shines on his new masterpiece. It was still lacking, despite his hard works to perfect it. There, it was something made of a canvas and some colorful paints; it was something made of simple things yet turns beautifully. A picture he had created with his own hands, a beautiful picture of a woman. Yes, a woman that once moved his cold heart.

She was under the sun, shining alone, even brighter than the sun. She has a long brown hair that look very silky and beautiful, it natural waves gives her such an innocent and pure-beauty aura. Her brown orbs – an opposite to his – gives off a warm and welcoming feelings. It glimmers in warm and gentleness; it was the most beautiful pair of orbs he had ever seen. She was smiling so brightly, brighter than people should have. Her pink lips look very kissable and it made his heart pound.

This pictures, the beauty it creates, it shall makes the society speechless, and it was truly beautiful. It has such a unique feeling; feeling that will flutter your heart and skips beautiful beat. It was perfect that none could complain but wonders how human being could create such a beautiful work of arts. But not to him, it was lacking so many things. There were things he failed to grasp, the beauty of the real things. There were so much more charms that he failed to pour out in the drawings.

His black shirt was stains in paint, as it was his fifth consecutive time of drawing the same woman. He did not know who the woman was, not even her name, or the slightest bit of her identity. She was a stranger he passes by a few days ago, yet he can’t take her off his mind. For such a weird person, he shouldn’t have felt that way. He’s a weirdo after all; the people in the world should avoid him.

He remember every single details about her – her beautiful eyes, her kissable pink lips, her long wavy brown hair, her beautiful smile, her petite figure – he remembered them all yet failed to pour it out. It was stuck between his lungs, things that needed to be drawn out. It was slowly fading away, so close to him, yet so far from his grasp. And ever since that day, he was stuck. His idea was stuck at some point, it was stuck between his lungs, stuck between his grasp. The only thing he could think of was her, that woman.

His stomach crumble, acting like a click that woke him up from his day dreaming. He curses under his breath after founding out he has run out off food. With a rather quick and rough moves, he pushes everything out of his way and put the paintings at the corner, where four others paintings were kept. He took a quick shower and changes himself in another black shirt, the color has faded away and it looked very old. His jeans were already torn apart, but he didn’t care. Covering himself in a black trench coat he managed to afford the day before, he set off, with something else in mind.

He wonders if he could see her again, today.

***

His ideas have been stuck in his lungs for quite some time and it has been driving him crazy. He’s a painter after all, drawing is his only jobs and if he ever stopped, he’d be living in poverty. He might be talented, but his works was sold out cheaply, barely able to keep up with his life. And soon, it won’t be long before he had to starve himself up. He barely had thirty-thousand with him.

As a man who always locked himself up inside his dark room, it was quite unusual of him to go out and get some fresh air. He has always locked himself up inside a room, drawing his crazy ideas out on a piece of white canvas, but today he needs to go out and find some fresh ideas or he’d have to starve himself up.

He needed coffee; it was his sugar despite the bitter taste it possesses. He would be living like a dead man without it. It has been a long time since he was addicted to it. A cup of bitter black coffee, it was how he prefers it, not only that it was the cheapest but the taste fit his taste but well. He entered a small café downtown, since the price seems the cheapest among all. He hates it, how the bells would created such a tingling sounds, it bothers him a lot.

He ordered his cup of coffee and slammed some coins to the table, it was the only thing he had left – coins. Some people would die of embarrassment if they ever paid with coins but not to him. Pride does not matter to him in this world. He took his cup of hot coffee and sit at the corner where he could see the world and left alone. He likes it, this loneliness. He’s used to it and it was so much better, loneliness was a close friend of his.

And there was where he first saw her, through the transparent window glass. She was standing there, right beside her, him and her with only the transparent window glass separating the two. Her side view was beautiful that he couldn’t help but stare at him. It was unexpected how she turns around and their gaze almost collides. Almost collides.

She was truly beautiful, although he doubts she’s the beautiful woman in the world. But she had accomplished a thing, something she may not know realize – she has moved his heart, his cold heart, his cold aura that suddenly drifted away at the sight of her. It was for that very few beautiful seconds, where his heart stop, when the time stop, when she turned around. It was weird, how such a man could feel such a complex yet simple feelings.

She was charming, from head to toe, he couldn’t find a single flaw in her. She was that much flawless, that much beautiful. He blankly stares at her, with his dark and mysterious orbs against her petite and gentle self. How much he hopes, at that moment, he could sink himself inside her gentle brown orbs. And by then, day by day, he’d dream of her, that beautiful figure. His words are stuck at some point; his ideas are stuck at some point, points of her the paintings failed to grasp.

***

He shove off as many cup noodles he could buy with his seventy-thousand after stealing from the streets. People should be careful nowadays, they dropped their money easily. He was lucky today, when he found an addition of fourty-thousand to his little amount of money. Cup noodles, it’s his favorite. It was simple and tasted quite good. He could care less about what people said, whether he’s healthy or not, at least he could fill his empty stomach with it.

“Oppa, what do you want me to buy?” A woman voice came from a far. “Cup noodles? No, no more cup noodles. You should stop eating cup noodles! You know it’s bad for your health. Let’s buy something nicer like…grapefruit!”

She had a soothing and beautiful voice, it could bring peace to everyone heart. Even when she tried to sound firm and angry, she sounded adorable and cute. And when her footsteps stop right in front of him, the feelings came to him, washing it all and mixing it all. It was her, the woman he saw by the streets a couple of days ago. Such a coincidence or was it fate? His chest pounds at the thoughts of it.

“Aigoo… people these days… living with cup noodles…” she murmurs clear enough after seeing how his shopping bag was filled with cup noodles, unaware that the man could hear her very clearly.

She looked up and soon her brown orbs met his, he could sink himself inside her pair of beautiful orbs. His was rather dark and mysterious yet the woman blush at the sight of it. “Omo… don’t tell me I just said it out loud.” She avoids his gaze and soon disappears to the other side of the world.

He was supposed to be cold, as always, with such a mysterious aura around him. He never let out a single sound. He never even laugh, he has always been quiet. But that day, even people May stares at him, dumfounded. It was the first time in his life, where he let out such a sweet chuckled at her clumsiness. He chuckled; his eyes literally form a sweet eye smile.

“Where’s my wallet?! I think I’ve… put it inside. Where is it? What should I do now?! How much does it cost?! Omo… where’s my money?!”

“Sixty-thousand. Do you have the money? Other customers are waiting.”

“Please just…”

“Take mine.” He quickly slammed some money on the table, followed by the clanking sounds of the coins. While the woman stares at him, having a hard time believing what had happen. “I have some money to spare, so just take mine.”

“Oh good grieve! Thank you! I’m Lee Ji Eun and you are…?”

“Kim Myungsoo. Call me Myungsoo.”

“Kim Myungsoo-ssi, thank you! I shall pay my debt to you the next time we met!” She quickly rushed off after bowing to him.

“Just ten of these please.” He told the cashier and hands his last piece of money.

His gaze was stuck to her, how she slowly disappear to the crowds, yet it wasn’t hard to differ her, not at all. She stands out, shining among the crowd. She was the only thing shining brightly in his eyes, such a cheesy line yet such a true fact. Everything turns black and white, as if she’s his sun. And it was his first time, smiling whole heartedly.

It felt as if she was possessed by the spirit of nature, rather than taking a form of the doe, it took the form of a beautiful young lady. Everywhere she goes, she changes it to such a beautiful and memorable place. Everything she touches seems to be a lot more beautiful. It felt as if she went to abandoned places and wakes their beauty up, just like how she went to the abandoned him and notices him.

Next time, will there ever be next time?

And again, for his sixth time, he tried to draw her knowing it would only be another frustrating failure.

***

He should have listened to that girl and by then, he wouldn’t have to wait in lines at a place like this, a place that he hated the most – hospitals. He shouldn’t have eaten those noodles cup and maybe he could have save some more money rather than spending it on something useless like this. He could have root himself up inside his room, but seeing her a month made him took the unusual choice. He wanted to live and see her once more.

He was sitting alone, a darker place compared to the other part of the hospital. Drawing seems to be his life that he can’t spare for another thing. He was busy drawing; again, he was drawing her with his short color pencils. He can’t afford to buy the new one since he has lost all his money to afford the hospitals. They’re draining him, his money that he has nothing left but his drawing skills. And it was at unexpected places, where the two always met each other – the hospital.

She had that scent on her, a lovable and feminine scent of the nature, or maybe it was the scent of lavender, he wasn’t quite sure. It was a surprised how the scent greeted his nose, making him jumps off in a surprised. She was wearing white clothing, something a patient would wear. She looked bubbly and cheerful as always, but it was strange to see her being slightly pale, unlike what he saw a month ago. Of course, she would have been sick to be staying at such a place.

“Excuse me,” he started off, and a nurse raise an eyebrow at him, “Do you know the patient Lee Ji Eun? It’s the woman who is running over there.”

“Yes, she’s a regular patient here.”

“Is she… suffering from some kind of illness?”

The nurse sighs, “I pity her a lot. She’s such a young woman, beautiful, and not to mention kind. She could be naughty though, she likes to joke around. Whoever thought such a kind person would be suffering from a cruel disease? Ever since she’s young… she has weak lungs. And when she grow up she has to suffer from leukemia and lung cancer. I heard… it won’t be long.”

***

Malnutrition. Malnutrition.

What was it again? That one disease that he hates so much for putting him in the hospital, wearing a stupid white clothes, and lying on the hospital bed all day long. It was boring and every once in a while, the nurses would come to feed him. Do they think he’s some kind of trash can? They put everything inside his mouth, not caring if he’s already full. What does that disease even mean?! The doctor always told him in a very complex way, not even a genius would understand that. He believes doctor can’t speak English, or in his case, Korean.

But something else was bothering him. He took out the picture of her he had just drawn. She’s suffering from a cruel illness, of all people, why must it be her? Cancer isn’t a simple matter, people dies from it every day, and struggling with a cruel illness isn’t easy at all. Is she suffering all the time? And the nurse has just said… it won’t be long. Is she truly… disappearing? The thought of it sounded very scary to him.

“Omo! Jieun-ssi! You’re not alone anymore! You can’t just change here! The bathroom, now!” The nurse suddenly yelled.

“Jieun…ssi?”

“Omo! A boy! Why don’t you tell me earlier? Eonni, you’re such a meanie!”

“So typical of you, Jieun-ah. Now, now, you’ve got a friend. I think he’s around your age. Stop whining to me you’re lonely from now own. I’m busy too, you know!”

“Kim Myungsoo-ssi?!” She widens her eyes in surprised and soon she smiled widely, hugging him. “We finally meet again!”

Lee Ji Eun.

***

“Jieun-ssi, why are you here?”

“Can’t you read it? I’m suffering from lung cancer and leukemia! It’s my mother fault though! I’m born with lung disease! Ah, but I can’t blame her, I just happen to be unlucky!” She chuckled. “Oh, you’re suffering from malnutrition right? I could see it! See, I told you! You shouldn’t eat cup noodles! Now the nurses are having a good time putting everything to your mouth!”

She’s loud, bubbly, and cheerful. He wonders why she could smiling so brightly like that, knowing her time won’t be long, knowing life suddenly becomes painful. While him, he whose life has never been that harsh, he has never smiled. He couldn’t even laugh while she seems to be enjoying life despite the challenges it had. His lips curl to a whole hearted smile and she clapped enthusiastically at the sight of it.

“Woah! Woah! Myungsoo-ssi, you should smile even more! You look scary when you have that poker face on! And you look very friendly when you talk! But you look perfect when you smile! The nurse is going to go crazy over you! You know, it’s okay to be loud like me!”

This woman, she compliments him and criticizes him so wonderfully. It slips off her tongue so easily that it made his heart pounds a lot. The more he knows her, the more charming she is. She’s such a nice person, not just she’s that much beautiful, but also that much cheerful. Is she hiding so much pain inside? He wonders.

“Myungsoo-ssi, do you want ice cream? Its summer and it’s hot right now. And I wanted to pay you off!”

“Ice cream? Where can we get it?”

“You know… it’s not my first time running off! It’s fun! Wants to join me?! Oh, well, come on!”

***

She was having so much time and he was having a great time just by being by her side. They run off by the window, despite the feminine and petite figure she had, she’s quite good at escaping. She freely jumps off the window and climbs the wall like an expert. And they were walking along the streets with people staring at them once in a while, as they’re dressed in patient clothes.

“You know, ice cream is good for both of us. It cheered me up!”

“Where are we going, right now?”

“Amusement park! Well, we need to change into something or people will find us weird! Since you’re weak, I won’t be riding anything for today! It isn’t good for me either!”

They were walking so much that he fears he might collapsing soon. He wasn’t in his best condition, considering how malnutrition has not only drained his money out but also his energy. It seems Jieun has been panting hard because of those walking and they both settled down in the bench, having the nice view of the amusement park. Since it was summer, it was packed and lots of lovers spent their time together.

“Hey, Myungsoo. Do you… perhaps… has a girlfriend?” A jolt out of the blue.

“No, I don’t. I don’t have the time to think about love.”

“You must be a busy man, then. You look handsome though; girls must be swooning over you.”

“And you? I found you quite charming, Jieun-ssi. You don’t have a boyfriend?”

“Ah, stop addressing me formally. Jieun. Just call me Jieun. What’s with the formal language? It’s hurt my stomach!”

“Jieun.”

“Ah… no, I don’t. I may have fallen in love once or twice or maybe more than that. But no, I don’t have one. I’d like to have one though. I think it’s nice, having someone to think about, having someone to hold your hand and kiss your lips. It’s just sweet… I envy most people here. I’ve been mutually in love before, but dating… I guess you’ve known, I told the nurse not to keep it a secret. I don’t have a long time; if I disappear they will be troubled. It’s quite troublesome though, finding someone like me isn’t easy. There is only one me in the world!”

He knows it. Although she was smiling throughout the day, she was hiding the pain. She was smiling very widely when the painful words escape her lips, yet despite how bubbly it sounded, he could found the painful tone escaping . It was painful after all, struggling with her disease, keeping alive, and preventing herself from being in love. It must have hurt, yet she was that much thoughtful that she prefers to hurt herself.

He turn his head to face her and it was the day where he realized how to grasp the lacking things and drawn it out in his white canvas. It was the day, he founds the true beauty of her, and the day where his heart started to flutters and his coldness melt away. That day, she was truly beautiful and heart-warming.

And ever since that day, they’ve gotten closer. She’d talk to him every day, talking about various things. She’d always be the loud and bubbly Jieun he knows, yet also wise. She wasn’t silly or stupid but funny. She wasn’t naughty but rather fun. Slowly but sure, they both has fallen in love with each other. Just like how one would sleep, it was slowly then suddenly all at once.

Myungsoo would always pays his attention to her, keeping up with his drawings of her, trying to grasp things he has yet to grasp, things his drawings failed to grasp. He’d never get tired to draw her, that soon the typical hospital scent is replaced with his oil-pastel paints, crayons, and color pencil.

***

The annoying sound of a machine, something attached to Jieun’s body just the day before, woke him up. It has been two weeks and he was told to stay at the hospital for a bit more. The doctor found out he had an appendix and another surgery was scheduled for an upcoming date. He had been suffering for the past three days. While Lee Ji Eun, something significant has happen to the woman. She turns skinnier than before, that she was now merely skins and bones. She turns pale and often filled cold. Sometimes, she’d have hard time breathing and twice she was rushed to the ICU and surgery room. She has scars on her chest by now and Myungsoo would trembled in fear every time she was rushed somewhere else.

It was morning, where he was supposed to enjoy the chirping sounds of the birds and the sunrays in the morning. But no, all he saw was the crowds surrounding Lee Ji Eun. Five doctors were there, including three nurses, and the loud annoying nice just echoed. An arrest. Myungsoo was surprised and scared to see it, her heart has stopped and he was too late. He hasn’t even told her how much he loves him, although in the end of the day, she’d only make fun of him.

“The paint smell is bad for her health! What have all of you been doing all this time?!” A doctor yelled.

Paint. It was his fault. It’s his fault that she suddenly died.

It was when he was about to flunk out of frustration, when the doctors are about to give up, when the annoying sound was replaced by a better one. Her heart was back, beating in a very low pulse. Myungsoo was watching from a far, scared that soon she’d be leaving him. It has been a great time, spending it with her and those moments that changes him and flutters his heart.

“Call her close family, told them to rush here at this very moment. This is going to be their last meeting.” The doctors told the crying nurses and rushes off somewhere else. And soon, they all scrambled around, exiting the place.

“Myungsoo-ah,” Her weak voice called out for him from a far.

“Jieun-ah,” he holds her hand tight, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, it’s my fault that you’re like this.”

“Don’t say something like that. We all know that sooner or later, this will happen. I wonder why everybody cries just now, I survived though, although I’m feeling weak right now. They should smile and be loud like I do!”

“Silly girl.”

“Myungsoo-ah, I… I don’t think I could hold on until my parents come. Then… would you please tell them something?” He nods, after a long silence. “Tell my mom it’s not her fault, I never blame her. Tell my father never to yell at my mother. Tell my brother to stop eating noodles cup, it applied for you two. Most of all, tell them to be happy because I’m very happy right now.”

“I’ll pass it to them, but please don’t leave.” He cried, for a mysterious man to cry, it was rare. “Jieun-ah, I love you. I love you ever since the first time I saw you. I love you.” He was out of control, the words slips off his tongue without him knowing it – the three fearsome yet wonderful words.

“Ah… I guess I’ve troubled you. You’ll have to find someone like me and I told you it won’t be easy. There is only one me in the world and good luck finding another me.” She chuckled, “No one told you to cry, if you’re going to confess to me while crying, I’m going to scold you.”

“I’ll just find someone like you though.”

“I guess so. And… Myungsoo-ah, I love you too.”

With a smile on her face, she let those words escape her lips and soon shut both her eyes closed to welcome the end of it.

***

“Not even a billion won would pay up for this one.” Myungsoo insisted for the third time.

“Then a hundred billion?”

“No.”

“Why are you being so stubborn? I’m trying to help you out young man! I bought a lot of paintings from you, making you rich, but who thought I could make you a billionaire just by buying these ten paintings.”

“No, never in the world.”

“Good grieve! Our business shall ends right here! I won’t be buying paintings from you!”

He sighs when the business man left and slammed the door close. He took the ten pictures and another countless pictures of the woman he draw back in the days and sometimes when he was stuck at some point. He could never put the perfection to his drawing of her, in the end of the day, the real thing has always been better than the drawn one. Yet among them all, he loves it, to see her in his drawings, the day where both of them went to the amusement park.

“In the end of the day, it’s very troublesome to find someone like you. In the end of the day, I’m stuck with you. I still love you even until now. Another someone like you doesn’t exist in this world.”

Even until now, I can’t find someone like you.

 

A/N

I was too lazy to write the description and foreword so let's just make it simple and post it as a blog post! Free writing~ as I am trying to break free from my writer blocks. Let's see how it turns out~ Falling in love with my cup of tea while writing this... needing more of them!

 

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