Yeah, I'll be ranting about something that starts on bothering me again. And ugh I thought I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore, but apparently, someone made me hopeless once again. Go ahead and read this gibberish rant of mine, or leave it. :) I just want to let this thing out of my brain, haha.

So, well, I'm in gr 12. And this is the year when we have to start thinking on what major we want to pursue and what university do we want to go. Most of us already knew what we're going to pursue, with some still in the middle of looking for their desired major.

As for me, I already knew what I want to do and what are my dreams since I was in gr. 9. Ultimately, there are only two life-time goals that I want to achieve once I finish uni.

FIrst, I want to be an established mangaka (or comic artist) in Japan. And secondly, I want to have my manga to be adapted into live-action movie (and this doesn't mean getting an anime. I mean it as in big-screen movie, Hollywood type). Yeah, you get the point.

Since gr. 9, I already began on planning the basic plot of my original story. And since then, I began on watching many movies (big-screen or TV shows) so I could get a lot of inspirations that can be used in my story. I also began on designing my characters, reading about what I should avoid on creating original stories (e.g about Mary Sues, cliches, etc etc), collecting OSTs for character designs and other inspirations (from movies, games, etc etc), and even to the point where I started on listing the dream cast of my future-movie, well, if it is going to be adapted somewhere in the future anw.

And I've done all of these for almost 3 years of my life. So many changes happened in my storylines and other additions to it, but this made me quite happy when I did it.

When I found out about Kyoto Seika in gr. 10, I was beyond happy. Since in Japan, it's quite rare for an university to offer manga course (specifically comic art) as a major. Mainly colleges will be the ones who offer this dream major of mine, but when I knew that one unviersity offers that major, I was already in cloud nine. 

However, ever since the recent earthquake happened in Japan, my mom keeps on insisting that I should reconsider on switching to other countries and uni major. First of all, I know that parents always want the best for their children. I mean, who doesn't want their children to be happy and enjoy life? And I know very well that my mom is being considerate about this matter. For that, I appreciate it.

But again, asking me to change my dream major and uni into something still related to art but completely different? It really is killing me, tbqh. I was quite devastated when she said that, and we had quite a heated argument about it.

My parents know that I like manga the most, and I also like interior design and product design (they knew it when I was in gr. 11). Although I would be happy in either interior or product design, I just won't feel the same happiness like I would to manga and creating stories.

Finding what I like to do is already a happiness for me, and being happy on whatever I do is freedom. 

For the rest of my gr. 11 life, my aunt kept on telling me to stop dreaming on going to Japan and start on rethinking my future. And so was my mom, although she didn't show any disapproval in the middle of my gr 11 life. She still did talk about it once or twice though.

That is, until today. She then talked about it again since my grandma's sister told her that no Singaporeans went to Japan for either education or vacation. All because of the radiation thing in Japan. Mom then told me to think about going to either Singapore or Australia for my uni, and just take interior or product design. She even says that Indonesians are stupid and that's why a lot are still going to Japan (wtf).

But really, can't she just understand what I have been wanting to do ever since gr. 9? I thought it was quite obvious to the rest of my big family's eyes.

All I want to do is just to achieve my life-time dreams. Nothing else. I've been wanting to go to Japan not because I like anime and all. I did considered on becoming a novelist, but I don't have quite the wide vocabulary for novel writing. And I at sentence arranging and all that jazz. Hell, I would go to other university other than that Kyoto Seika if they offer manga course as one of their major. I would do that in an instant, I swear. I want to go to Japan because they're the mother of manga and I suppose that if you learn from the original source, so much the better.

Call me selfish, but is it wrong to do what you like and do what you think you will love for the rest of your life? I really don't want to be popular and be a show-off brat once I do get popular. I don't want fame or anything else if my life-time goals are achieved. 

I just found that satisfaction on what I'm doing. I'm happy when I draw my original characters. I'm happy when I edit my story all over again, or when I just read my original plot all over again. I'm happy when I play the soundtracks (for my story and/or story characters inspirations stuff) all over again, even though I already played it like 10+ times in my iTunes. 

Even though I won't be super rich like those people whose professions are doctors or lawyers, at least I'm feeling happy and beyond joyful on whatever I'm doing. Those are the only thing that matters. Money is never the question to begin with, anyways. 

Above all, everyone wants to live a happy life, am I right?

So yeah, if you gusy managed to read until this, then congratulations! :DD And thank you for reading all of this ramblings of mine. I just really don't know what to think or what to do anymore. I'm just feeling quite hopeless right now... .___.

kthxbye eheheh