I cannot for the life of me; stay up during the daytime. I've always had this thing about staying up late into the evening. Know it was bad for my health while I was still in school but now that I am not it is not as burdensome. My mind becomes so active as soon as the sun starts to change positions with the moon. I become alive in the night time. During the day however I become a hibernating bear. The thing is as a child I was afraid of the dark. I still pretty much am now but I have gotten the upper hand in that situation. The scale still dips into the fears corner at times though. I used to feel that someone was watching me or something was under my bed. Typical child issues. It does not feel so much as if something is under my bed now it is just that something is following me or standing right in front of me as I walk the hallway at night. Sometimes I can brave it out but most times I have to turn on a light or have music in my ear to distract me. Mind you I am not the only one in this house. I do not like disturbing others sleep all because I decide to be the nocturnal brat of the group. Well I do know I think of some very good and bad things in the dark. It is like reflecting on my own character and how I should treat others to how should I react when a unfortunate situation occurs and seeing everyone I deal with in my life bad attributes. It can go from really good to really bad in a matter of minutes. For the most part I end up over analyzing my life and tearing myself a new hole into my body. Which I know is manifesting my bouts of depression. No I am not clinically diagnosed but I know depression when I see it and it stands out like the red elephant in the room. What I have done more recently is I signed up to this site so when I feel that my thoughts are going to become destructive I have somewhere I can go to escape. I used to do this as a child too. It helped me supress bad/harmful intended thoughts. Now I do not have those suicidal thoughts as back then but I still beat myself up at times. I am glad I found a way to escape then and now. Oh man I have rambled on too much now. Oh well until next time bye you guys/girls! Thank you to all those who write to express their thoughts and fanticies. You never know who you are reaching and helping deal with a hard time. MeiMei