As I sat in my hospital bed, I solemnly admired the scenery. Blue birds twittering around soft pink sakura petals, their wings flapping noisily as they danced a tango around the spindly, gracefully arching branches.
Sakura-cherry blossoms-beotkkot. I'd always loved them. They popped out just for a few weeks a year, showed the most vibrant-colored, fragile looking petals. People enjoyed them by picnicking, drinking and walking underneath the blooming trees, the gentle spring breeze blowing the petals down on them. The beauty and mystery of the flowers were connected to that of nature, life and the universe through the idea of impermanence.
We were all destined to disappear as all things in nature did. Recently, I learned--l was as well. Despite that I'd just discovered what love really was.
To my dear Minho,
My tall, dashing frog prince
You appeared and saved me from a dark place
Though I'm far from being a gorgeous, flowing locked Rapunzel
I'm sincerely grateful
Someday I hope we can meet again
In a place where we can truly be together forever
As it is though, I'm sorry to say...
I will be going to that destination first
Until then, stay strong and always remember
I love you with all my tiny heart
I finished my first and final letter to my lover with my last bit of strength. My tiny heart--disformed and malfunctioning since birth--stilled its faint, struggling beats.
My hand fell with a soft, muffled thump onto my blanketed lap, the pencil limply rolling onto the paper. My blank eyes stayed fixed on the window outside. A strung gust of wind flew by, taking the birds and the last of the pink petals with them, Mt. Fuji looming in the distance with its hat-like cloud covered top. The room filled with the noisy, alarming sound of the flat-lining heart-monitor.
~~~
I closed my eyes, enjoying the fresh, flowery scent and the silky, cool feeling of a gust of wind carrying fallen sakura petals into my face.
What a beautiful day. It was such a shame my lover couldn't come out and enjoy the Sakura trees with me anymore. I knew he would love it today.
We met on a plane a month ago. We'd been seating partners and talked a bit to make the trip more comfortable. I had been going for business, he had been going for travel. When the plane was hit by a war missile and crashed, we had taken care of each other.
Being the only survivors, we'd been the only people who could understand each other in both our native language and experience. I had lost one of my legs. He had suffered a shock that worsened his weak heart condition, making him the most fragile person on earth.
The doctors had been weary about letting him outside, but I had insisted. Saying in my broken Japanese that he would get better faster if he wasn't couped up. The nurses had taken us outside every day and helped us.
We'd sat under the cherry trees in the hospital yard, a shared blanket over our laps. We'd talked about all kinds of things as we enjoyed the fresh air and incredible scenery. Japan was such a beautiful place--the tall, symmetrical mountain, the vast blue skies, the vibrant red temples and the pink, puffy looking trees.
He had fallen in love with the distinct Sakura trees Japan had, I had fallen in love with him. Before I had not even wanted to come to this country, but now I never wanted to leave.
Watching the petals fall like sparkling, pink rain around me, I wrote a small note to give to him when I returned to our room. It was my attempt at poetry though I was about as aesthetically sensitive as a rock.
To my dear Taemin,
The trees are beautiful as ever
Though not as beautiful as you I'd say
It's such a shame you cannot see them today
But I will tell you all about them soon
So you can experience it as if you were there
Our meeting was like fate
Like two petals thrown together by the wind into the same spinning course
I hope your pain passes as fast as a cherry blossom in bloom
But I hope our sincere love never does
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