Sometimes meeting new people is cool.

But sometimes you grow attached, even if you never met them.

And soon, whatever makes them angry or upset, makes you feel the same way.

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I, for one, am that type of person.

I don't like it when others are going through hard times. It makes me feel helpless be cause I don't know what to do, especially since we're not actually close in real life.

I think it was about two or three weeks ago, I found out someone attempted to end their life. Thankfully, that person is well and alive, and all I was able to think was, "Oh, thank goodness. I'm glad she's alright." Even if she was still traumatized or scared, I was just thankful that she was alright. I didn't know her at all. I knew almost nothing about her, but knowing that she's going through hard times brings tears to my eyes. To be honest, I can't control how I should feel during these times. If I start crying, then I start crying; there's almost no stopping it.

Just last week, there was someone else that was also thinking about ending her life. I found out from someone else's post, and I immediately went to her page and told her that she was wonderful. That she was amazing. That she was perfect just the way she is. That we loved her, even if I just found out about her for the first time. It makes me sad to know about the hardships that others go through. And because I don't know them that well, it's like all I can do to comfort them is to talk to them over the internet. I can't do anything else.

Other incidents include when an author's family member or someone close to them passes away. I want to comfort them, but I don't exactly know how to put it in words. I want to say "It's okay." but it seems too blunt. I want to tell them that there are other people who will always be there to comfort them and wait for them until they're ready, but I just don't have the guts to just type it out and press the little 'enter' button.

I get weak when I read these things because it reminds me of my late grandfathers. I never got to meet my paternal grandfather. My parents told me that he died, I think, a few months before I was born. My maternal grandfather died when I was probably around eight. I think that out of all the relatives I have, I'm most attached to my mum's father the most. I loved him the most. He took care of me a lot when I was younger, and he always made me smile. Every time I think of him, I think of all the happy times that I shared with him. The time we went to the park near my grandma's apartment, the time when he would come over to my house. I just can't help but cry every time I think about him. Every time somebody talks about him, I start tearing up, but I try to hold it in. My aunt said that I must've been really attached to him because I would cry every time we mentioned him. Not sometimes, but I miss him every day, and I would wonder what life would be like if he was still here with me.

I don't exactly know what drove me to write all this. It's like I've been holding everything in for so long that I just had to write all this somewhere. There are a lot of other things that have been making me feel uneasy as well.

The sasaeng fans. EXO addressed this issue a few times, I think. I read an article or something earlier today, and I just couldn't help but feel bitter about it. Sasaengs are giving EXO fans a bad name and a bad title. They're even affecting the behaviors of the EXO members as well. To be honest, I'm frightened. I knew that sasaengs were scary, but actually reading about all the things that happened to the one group that I love the most, it scares me to think that a lot of people would see us EXO fans as obsessed and stalker-ish fans just because of this one group of fans. I don't want to be in a fandom that would be known as this, but...I don't know. I can't sort out my feelings about this.

Lonely. Abandoned. I've been feeling that for quite a while actually. Though I'm surrounded by family and friends, I can't help but feel as though they don't understand me well enough. I have the personality where if I'm told something, I obliged to agree to it. I have no choice. I can't choose what I want to do. My parents are those who decided what is best for me, but sometimes, I feel like they're choosing what's best for them in the end. I may sound ungrateful, which might or might not be true, but for once, I want to do something that I really want to do without the approval of my parents. I truly am grateful for my parents; without them, I wouldn't be the person that I am today, but I am also not the person that I wish to be. The person I am today is quiet and timid, yet around the people I know, I am loyal, slightly sarcastic, and someone who would help out a friend whenever they need help, no matter what it is. The person I want to be is out-going, cheerful, and bright. The person I am today is afraid to speak out my mind in fear of being judged by others. The person I want to be is not afraid to do as I please and will do anything that I set my mind to. In general, I'm thinking that I'm the exact opposite of who I want to be, but everyone is their own way for a reason, correct?

Nostalgic. Melancholic. I don't know why, but mind my always seems to drift off and think about the two people that I used to crush on. One was in the second grade; I'm not really sure, but that was the time that I got my first rejection. I had told him I liked him; he never actually said anything back to me after that day. Since I was still young, I didn't think much to it, but now that I think about, I think it would've been better off if I never told him how I felt since he doesn't remember me. The other person...I'm still trying to get over him. Three years. I've liked him for about three years, and it has been about two years since I've tried to get over him. It doesn't really help that I see his face around school. It doesn't help when I try to forget, but end up remembering the times when he would help me when we were in elementary school. If anyone read my past blog, yes, I'm talking about the guy who has been in my class since third grade. Or maybe I never posted that... Anyways, is it supposed to be this hard? I told my friend that I've been trying for two years; she jokingly told me that maybe it would take another two years. Since I knew that she joked a lot, I only smiled. A few of my friends teased me, though, about liking him because when we were in the fourth grade, he had given me a small gift. Though others may not have found it good enough, but I was more than eager to accept it: a unique blue stone. A smile comes to my face every time I see it, making it harder and harder to let go. I'll just have to be patient, won't I.

To be honest, I don't know how you're still reading this if you've gotten to this point, but if you are, I want to let you know that no matter what, friends or not, if you need any help or assurance, you can always feel free to talk to me. I'm always willing to lend a shoulder and an open ear if you need a listening buddy. Since you've read all this, I might as well tell you that you, the one who is reading this, just read what I would never be able to tell anyone in real life. I have a hard time opening up to others in person because I'm afraid of judgement right then and there. For some reason, I'm not afraid of judgement on here, though it might be because we don't exactly know each other well enough. Actually, reading this blog, I'm sure you just learned a lot about me. Maybe not the simple things, but the things that I hide from others with a mask.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank all of you for reading this. Really. ♥ /hesitantly throws out hearts/ Oh god. /runs away in embarrassment/

I hope my next blog will contain more happy messages! Until next time~

---EternallyDreaming♥