` ↱ It's Nostalgia

I'll warn you right here right now, you don't have to read all of it. In fact, you can leave right now. This post is basically me dumping all my feelings out, but it's not really a rant at the same time. It's...a narration, I guess.

I warned you, don't complain or something if you didn't like reading it in the end.

It's Nostalgia I just wanted it fancy k so stfu I'm basically moody right now

When was the last time, a song, or maybe, a picture or video, came up to you. You were probably on the bus or train, eating alone, trying to sleep or just waking up, and it was so random, maybe you never noticed you had it with you. Listen to it for a while, let the melody and harmony take you where it wants to, acknowledge the lyrics and appreciate the mood.

It’s always that one song that catches you off guard. For me, this song hits me instantly, all the time. Suddenly that feeling reaches you. From my point of view? I actually did cry. Not because it was merely eargasmic and caused an ocean of “feels” to topple me over. No; it was because suddenly it plunged me headfirst into the flashbacks I thought I’d blacklisted so long ago. I see the smiles with him, the laughter and inside jokes that never made sense; the times we used to cherish a long time ago. The lessons we learned together, and the suffering we went to that people nowadays would call...experience. It’s enough to infuriate me, how sometimes he did nothing harmful, yet I was always the one who got hit with the more painful consequences. It’s like Romeo and Juliet, they say, tragic love and childish hate. Hidden love is not something to be proud of. A loved one once said, if you’re not brave enough to show it to me and end up hiding it behind my back, it’s not right. Somewhere, sometime, your conscience should’ve tapped you on your shoulder and shown you your true reflection, as a reminder that what you’re doing, it isn’t what the real you would do.

The lyrics will find you, and another wave of nostalgia will wash over you unsuspectedly. Mine?

If my red eyes don’t see you anymore.

And I can’t hear you through the white noise,

Just send your heartbeat

I’ll go to the blue ocean floor.

Where they find us no more

On that blue ocean floor.

It’s enough to make one pine for the past, a time machine to take them back to the good ‘ole days. When everything was perfect, and you actually knew what to do with the lemons life gave you. Nothing was hidden and everyone was happy. A cliché perfect life...good thing those don’t exist lol, says Life. And then one little mistake becomes the first of many dominoes to topple. At least, like a domino order, in the end you can see the big picture, be satisfied with your hard work, and realize it was worth it in the end.

There’s a Bible verse that came up to me and many of my acquaintances when the dominoes first began tipping over, one by one.

Jeremiah 1:18-19

Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land - against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests, and the people of the land. They will fight against you but not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you, declares the Lord.

Be strong, the wind will whisper. The storm will pass, the trees rustle. Some people choose to ignore their feelings, because from what they have seen in life, emotions are the ultimate complications. They could be true. But they miss out on forgiving the past and walking hand in hand with the future. What would you be without feelings...especially nostalgia. The sudden longing for the past to rewind and replay. Again, the minor conscience in you will whisper, just like the old days. When everything’s changed, whatever you headed for will suddenly change direction. Friends become enemies, love to hate (and vice versa), adoration morphs into disgust, while you remain the same you that hasn’t been updated with the rest of humanity.

I used to think that just because hormones would begin to take over, it would still be okay to talk with him, cry with him, share with him, love with him. Like the best friends we’d been since who-knows-when. But suddenly just sitting next to him is unacceptable. Midnight chats blacklisted, SNS profiles blocked. Has that ever happened to any of you? One day you were playing “family” with him and your other friends, and the next day you have to ignore him when he’s right in front of you. You can’t even tell him why. AAHH, Life would say, the beauties of young, hidden love. Where’s the popcorn, the drama’s starting. I never know when I will be allowed to see him, and sometimes, I lose all the courage I’d built up all week to talk to him. I still love him - oh, believe me, I fell hard. I guess first loves are never the easiest.

Find that one song. It’s the one that won’t go anywhere; it will never grow old; it will never backstab you, gossip about you, hurt you; the one that is always there for you. Whenever you feel down, plug both earphones in and blast it loud. And let the honey flowing through your ears slowly drift you away to the past, where you can reminisce and be a peace. It’s always that one feeling that will hit you full-on.

It’s nostalgia.

okay um sorry if you didn't like it. It's just...somebody I met only once died a couple days ago, yet at the burial I cried almost as much as his children and grandchildren did. It made me think about life and that's where it all went down. I kinda plunged back into my depression but this time, with nostalgia ;) LOL but seriously. Usually when this happens I become really drunk with emotions and end up blabbering nonsense. So most of that might not have made sense to you...I think. I DON'T KNOW OKAY IT JUST REALLY BOTHERED ME ENOUGH TO MAKE ME WRITE A FRICKIN ESSAY ABOUT IT OTL

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` ↱ It's Nostalgia

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