People cry for so many reasons don't they? When we're in physical pain we cry. Emotional pain? We cry. Having so much joy and happiness in you, results to crying. A lot of things can make you cry, it seems that as human beings we need to cry, and some people even want to make other's cry. Crazy but it's true. We came into this world crying and more likely than not, we will all leave it crying as well. 

Like many kids I used to cry a lot, but it wasn't when I was hurt, it was mainly when I knew my parents were ashamed or disappointed in me. It . But as I grew up and kept crying during a scolding there was something always said to me. 

"Why are you crying? I'm not touching you so you have no reason to cry" 

"Crying isn't going to get you anywhere"

"You want me to feel bad cause you're crying? BEcause I'm only telling you the truth?"

Sure it may not be quote for quote, but it's close. As years passed and I was kept being told this, I began to learn. And as I learned, my sobbing stopped. Now I'm a teenage and I find that I cry a lot less  now. Several of my friends have never seen me shed a tear, for I'm always laughing now. They think I never cry but truth is when it comes to my parents, tears threten to fall. 

But as I said earlier I learned not to cry so much. So now whenever I am being scolded my tears don't fall as badly, and I'm not sure hot to feel about that. When I'm being yelled at or scolded I find myself not crying at all basically. Tears will fall but not as bad as they used to. Now why is this? It's because I learned that crying won't do anything, that they won't feel any less ashamed then they do now. That if I cry then that will make it look as if I want their pity, when I don't, the situations just get overwhelming. 

It get's hard for me to not cry, my eyes water and I feel the corners get wet and when that happens I try my best to not let the tears fall. But it seems that not crying is worse than crying which to me sounds a bit crazy. Throughout this time I've spent not crying or trying not to cry I've notices that it's only angered my parents more. They start thinking that I simply don't care, that everything is just a joke or a game to me. Of course I'm not proud of that but I can't help it, I just don't want to cry anymore, not in front of them at least. I feel that if I cry they will tell me what they always tell me, so I just don't do it. 

My tears are just so....complicated