So i just fell into a depression... idk why but i feel like i have to let some things out  so i will.

as i said i just have to let some things out so just don't read this if you don't care...

it's going to be emotional atleast for me. i'm already crying so...

I would say that i've had i pretty good life even if i have been bullied for pretty much a long as i can remember.

people just don't like me idk why... but it's always been like that.

my older brother is the one person i look up to the most why? cus my dad is an idiot and a coward.

i do love my dad and he used to be a great dad but the last 7 years has been really awkward. i hardly talk to him. sometimes we don't even say hi if i see him in town.

he got a girlfrined who for some reason hated me and he choose her that's why.

Kpop is the reason i'm still here today. and how did i get into kpop??
 

well my awesome brother loves games and japan and all those kind of thing. so when i was about idk 6 years old i think he showed me a band called  morning musume! and i just loved it!XD from that day i would watch japanese bands, tv shows and all that kind of stuff every day! and i tried to learn the dances.

so one day when i was 9 i think i found BoA! i didn't know it then but my life would be changed forever!!! after BoA i found TVXQ, wonder girls, big bang.

it was a just so amazing!! and for about 2 years i did have friends who liked kpop to but they went back to "normal" music.

I did lose a really good friend when i got into kpop. and that really . she was the most amazing person i've ever meet and i still love her even if we don't talk anymore and i wish i had been there for her when her parents died=/

so in 7th grade i was tired of everything. everyone was hating on me because of kpop. so for a while i stopped listning to kpop!
i wanted friends and i wanted to be like others.

buuuuuttt thing didn't turn out that way. instead i became this super "emo" person. and Marilyn Manson was my god. he still is!!
i would never  ever survived without his music. but then instead of ppl hating me for kpop they now hated me for being "emo"

it didn't take me more then 6 month to get back to kpop. i was happier but not happy. there was a time when i tried to kill myself stupid as i am!XD
and i ended up being sent to a this place to get help-.-' i did have friends in mental hospitals so i guess that it was just a matter of time before i got sent away.

alot more has happend there's so much more details to how i was treated by my dads girlfriend and other stuff but let's not talk about that here!

the last seven years have been hard! but it has made me so much stronger. and today i am  happy girl!! i remember one of my teachers said that i made our school a happier places because of my kindness and happy energi.

i don't care what ppl think of me anymore. i like kpop!! kpop made me who i am today and it saved my life. without kpop i'm nothing

i guess the person i want to thank for giving me this awesome life is my brother. i wouldn't be who i am today if he hadn't showed me that videon all those years ago.

i have never told him this and i have never said how much i love him but i do.