I dont know it takes for me just to do what i want for one night or for even one moment of my own life.. It feels like like my life is not even mine, it feels like its my moms owns life, always telling me what to do and what not to do. 

I always lock myself in my room because i talk to myself because im the only one who really gets me, who really knows what im going through, what i feel. I make post like this because well because i cant do anything without my mom telling me what to do and what i can write, here im free to type whatever i want. 

 

Theres no one who REALLY understand me, people see me they say 'oh my shes so pretty' or 'does she smile' well heres the truth: Behind that "pretty" face is a broken girl and no she doesnt smile but when she does its because shes broken, hurt, in the dark alone, 

Theres a story of that girl:

She was happy like any other girl would be until one day where she started feeling lost in this world feeling like theres another place where she knows the rest of her is there, she looked for that place but couldn't find, she looked for 4 years and until this day she still cant find it, she sits in her room wondering if that place is here or not, she doesnt know who or where to go and tell someone because no one understands her.

 

That story is true Im just like that girl, I dont know who to go to or where to go and tell someone who understands me, because no one understands me like me, I will forever be broken, hurt, and shattered. Ill forever be in the dark alone and cold. I turned into a little emo person because i have a bunch of problems, i even turned to smoking and i did to weed a few times to make myself feel better and i did drink once but then i ended up talking to the same person who gets me, me i sat in me room

Me: I have no one to understand how i feel

Silence:...

Me: I dont have anyone to tell besides you -referring to be stuffed bears and silence-

Bears:...

Me: At least theres people who love you -hugs them then cries- 

Me: I wish i really had someone with me at times like this

 

Thats what i do whenever i dont know what to do. Okay I dont know what Im doing, I talk to no one, i talk to my bears, I dont tell anyone whats really on my mind because I really feel like crying when I try to speak it. I even went to school 3 or 4 times this year crying because my mom doesn't get me or even try to listen to me. She NEVER listens to me, she NEVER gets me, she tells me to more like her when she was younger and i always say 'HOW?! How do i be like you? IM NOT YOU!' Then she slaps me. I dont like my life i am always lost, confused, hurting, always feel like breaking down, out of place, and just different. I dont know what to do anymore I feel like i shouldn't even be me I want to  be like other. I wish my smiles and laughs were real but no, no they are always FAKE!!! Theres no one in this world who makes me smiles and laugh like really smile and laugh, I wish there was one person though :( I listen to screamo music just to feed what I want, I know being emo isnt completing me nor does it help me find out who i am i cry at nights to see if my parents hear me but they dont, they bearly even see me, im invisible. Im always pushed down and spat on And i dont like it. I NEVER LIKED IT!!!! I wish there was a place where i feel like I belong, to be compleat, to be someone, to be seen, and to be with someone with me ib the dark, but no, no theres no one with me in the dark