I feared heights. I started to fear it when I fell 6ft above the ground, while practicing for a cheer dance competition. That happened when I was a junior high school student, and 6 years later I still hate heights and I am happy that I haven’t ride the airplane again in between those times. Since then, the view of rooftops give me the creeps. Until this damn day that I have an appointment on the 11th floor of a building and the worst part it is just a few streets where Shangri-la stands firm. To be honest the last time I stared at that building was months ago, when I dreamed that I will see super junior at ss5 manila. That hotel was where those princes stayed during ss3 manila. I was just smiling while walking along the building. If only no one was around I would’ve hugged that building but no, instead I just looked at it.

So upon reaching the venue, my damn phone jumped out of my clothing and hid itself under the seats that I had to reach for it while the bus was running knowing the bus is crowded with people. Luckily a gentleman pointed the location of my phone so my beloved device was back in my hands again.

When I saw the building, I wanted to run and go home. Being on the 2^nd floor gives me the creeps how about the ones on the 11^th floor?? I turned around and was about to take my first step, but when I was about start marching back to the terminal, I saw that hotel, I remembered that I already lost the dream I’ve been wanting for the last 100 days, and that was to see them when they arrive here. Will I just simply march and let my opportunity to shine slip? Will I choose to chicken out because of my fear of heights? I chuckled when I remembered the days we used to walk near that hotel to remind us that we were job hunting for ss5 manila. I smiled when I remembered going to the mall near that hotel and then proceed to the record bars where the CDs with SJ covers are and then we will hide them under other KPOP CDs so that we could reserve the Mr. Simple CDs for ourselves, hoping that we will buy it after the first salary. Plus, I want to make my dad proud, he did say that I must not quit, that I must take a stand until I can and not hide on my room, those things made me return and enter the building. However I almost went to the fire exit to avoid the elevators (I feel safer when I am on stairs) but since I was wearing heels I decided to use the elevator, although it will kill me for a few moments. When I reached the 11^th floor, I felt like I was at ease. Suddenly I started running like an idiot back to the elevator coz I remembered I was 11storeys away from the ground and the fact that I was alone and I had no one there to be with me.

Then I saw the receptionist, I guess she saw me panic. I just pretended to be calm as I entered the office for the examinations. Who would’ve thought that I enjoyed staying there for a few hours. I forgot where I was standing; all I cared about was the exam.

Like the usual, I returned to that mall near that hotel, coz the train station is just next to the mall. I flashbacks bothered my head. I remembered some days when we were 4 on the job hunt until 2 of us stayed, until now that I am all alone. I wanted to trace the places where we ate and laughed, but I didn’t want to look stupid in front of others. I just smiled as I walked past by Mc Donalds where we chased a handsome foreigner. I giggled when I passed by the veggie section because of the pumpkins and peppers there. I stared at the record bar, I wanted to know if the CDs we hid were still there and waiting to be bought, since my feet were killing me that time, I didn’t. I decided to go home coz mom is getting worried and the clouds were threatening.

It was raining it was pouring while I was on my way home. Buildings where still the same the last time I saw them. However, now I am looking at them all by myself without anybody’s company. Anyway, what I learned today was extreme. I learned to be alone on comfort rooms, on riding the bus. I learned that my phone can jump out of my clothing. I conquered my fear of heights. I learned today how to accept the things that changed. Anyway, I thank God for letting me spend this day realizing things. It kinda that I was thinking of being with someone during the times I was walking alone int the mall but hell yeah, I don’t think that person is thinking the same. It’s another story. It's okay if you won't read this story. I posted it here just in case you would look at it and care what's going on with me now. I just miss you. Thank you for ignoring my call.