Why is it so easy for you to read fanfics for hours yet it is so difficult just to open your Bible? Why is it so fun and enjoyable to chat with your friends yet it is so hard to find the time to pray to God?

This week have been quite stressful and hectic. Felt really upset, mad, pissed, infuriated, jealous, dissappointed and all those types of unpleasant emotions and feelings. Felt like I was so down, felt like crying and felt like I wished I could die. There was so much burden and weight and trials and tribulations and problems for me to deal with just this week though it's not even the end of the week. And the weight is just too difficult and painful to bear. Just too much. But it didn't end until today.

Pass few days was tough as hell and I was just so puzzled and bewildered on what am I suppose to solve all these miserable stuffs. I felt like there was no one beside me, like I was all alone. I do have friends, mates at school, even good friends. But bear in mind that the friends around you will someday eventually leave you. 

I am a person who would like someone easily. Not like as in love or crushing, but like as in friend like. Once I like this person, I would stick to his or her until eventually that person will find a better friend than me. And this happened in the past more than once. Maybe that was why I've always been clinging to the same person with so much love and pressure. That is because I do not want to lose people again. The pain is just so unbearable.

When I'm down and I have no one, there is always someone who I remember to talk, approach, rely to. I know that this someone would always listen to my words, my rants, my complaints, my frets and everything. Despite all the bad things my tongue can emit, this someone will never leave me and will always be there for me whenever and wherever. And that someone is God.

I was really just so emotionally, physically and mentally tired. I kept asking why, oh, why does all this things have to happen to me? To me? Why? I felt just so depressed and tired with life that I felt miserable, terrible and even suicidal. Felt like I was someone of no use, someone who always messes up, someone whose life will never ever be perfect or even just enjoyable and satisfying. I want that, I really do until I remembered Him and I went through my phone and opened this application which will daily publish reflections and lessons on God. 

I read and read some which relates on problems, hopes, trials and everything. And I realized on why do I have all these just unpleasing things constantly coming and coming to my life. I realized why God gave me trials to face to. 

I believe that God has a plan for me, for all of us and even for you. I belive that God is always watching our every move. I believe that the Lord is in control of everything. He planned my past, my present and my tomorrow. 

I reflected and reflected eventually reflecting that the reason why I am showered with so much uncertainty is to help me so that I can become stronger, can discover new things, develop a closer and even more unique relationship with Him and to grow into someone who knows of what is right and what is wrong, to grow into someone who can learn from her experiences, both good or bad.

I believe that our God has a plan for every and each one of us. God is doing great things in our life and He has a pathway for you to walk on. 

The process may be painful. All this crying, tearing, weeping, howling and everything. It is painful. Being stabbed in the heart and all this. But the things is, everything has to go through something painful. For trees to bear more, better fruits, it needs to be cut. For gold to become pure, it has to grow through fire. And so do we. For us to become someone better, to finally walk on a smooth, straight pathway, we have to go through the painful process first. 

Do not fret. Do not complain. Do not ask why. Do not follow your own thinking, mind and heart. Follow what God wants you to do. Follow Him and everything will be alright sooner or later. Follow Him and spend a little of your time for Him.

I wonder why are we so hooked up with the internet when we can't even read His words? Why are we so obsessed in reading fanfictions when you can't even finish reading this post? (If you read this far, I respect you fully :) ).

Always remember to pray to God. Build a relationship with Him. Send up your tears as prayer to Him. I guarantee you that He will listen to You and great things will happen unknowingly. And again, God has listened to my tears as prayers and now, here I am, fully reflecting and out from all those problems.

Thank You Lord.

We will get wounded, we will feel pain. But we will not die.

This quote was inspired while I was reading some blog posts on AFF. And this was inspiring.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV