Hey guys!  I'm going to be entering a piece in a writing competition, and I was wondering if anyone would be able to tell me what they think!  It's super short, the contest has a max of 2000 words.

The topic was "The Deep".  Here's my entry, The Ocean's Daughter

The Ocean's Daughter


The ocean had always made Lina feel safe.  Perhaps it was the fact that it was always there when she needed it, always in the same place, waiting for her to dip her fingers in the water.  Even at its coldest the ocean was beautiful and kind, a cradle where Lina could rest tearful eyes.

   If her father saw her on the dock, he would be angry again.  She was not allowed to go into the water.

   She rested her head on the rough wooden platform, only a few feet above the gentle little waves.  A boat floated at her side, lashed to the dock with bolted iron chains and a thick padlock to which only her father had the key.  It was rusted now, and too old to be opened.  Her father had not used that boat since before she had been born.

   Lina lay belly-down, and reached her hand out to touch the ocean.  It was warm this time of year, and gentle on her dry, cracking skin.  She stared at her reflection with the deepest of frowns, resenting everything she saw.  Nothing about her was like the other kids at school.  They made sure she knew – every moment at her tiny desk was another spent enduring the teasing names and torments, spewed from the mouths of even the most kind and unassuming of her classmates.

   Half-breed.  Slime-skin.  Grey-face.  Fish-girl.

   Her hand wiped salted tears from her eyes.  Today had been no different.  One of the boys had pulled on her delicate ears, bruising the thin, long tip.  At first she had tried to wear a hat to hide them and her too-bright orange hair, but the teacher had told her it was rude.  She just wanted to look normal.

   Above her yellowish eyes were thick ridges of scales where there should have been brows, and between her fingers the skin stretched, giving the faintest impression of a frog-like web.  The rest of her body was grey tinged and mottle-skinned, and on her neck were small slits which opened and closed when she breathed.  Every time she air into her lungs it felt too dry, often hurt and rubbed like sandpaper.  It was hard to run, she could never play the same games the other kids could.  Lina always sat on the edge of the field, watching.

   Her father had not said much about who her mother was.  She was supposed to have been very beautiful, with hair like fire even under the waves.  All Lina knew was that somewhere, in that emerald sea, her mother swam among the whales and coral with her glittering tail, so far away.

   “Leenie?” a voice called.  It was her father.  Lina ignored the call, curling her knees against her chest.  She did not want to speak to him.  He was the one that made her this way, so strange and alien.  Why couldn’t he have married a land-woman?  Then they could be happy, a wonderful family of three.  Lina could be pretty, with little rounded ears and blue eyes that sparkled like the sea.  Maybe she could have had a brother, or a dog that she could run with instead of watching from her window.

   Footsteps approached from behind.  She buried her face from view, ashamed.  How could her father stand to be around her?  To have a freak for a daughter, when he was so handsome and strong.  Age had done nothing to make him less striking, with his soft white skin and hair like the gold of the sun.  

   He sat at her side and pulled off his shoes.  Her father let his feet dip into the water, a privilege he had always denied Lina.

   “How are you feeling?” he asked her.  She said nothing.  Her back shook from the effort of keeping her crying in, where her father could not see.  She disappointed him enough without seeming like a baby.

   Her father sighed, and put his arm around her shoulders.  “Miss Carina called me today.  She said you left before class was over.  Do you want to talk about it?”

   Lian sniffed.  “No,” she replied.  Her father sighed.  

   “You can’t keep doing that Leenie.  Otherwise you won’t graduate, and then you’ll never get to go to high school like the others.”

   Her hands clenched into fists.  “I don’t want to!” she yelled.  

   “You have to go to class, Leenie.  Everyone does.”

   Lina finally brought her head up, and stared her father in the eyes.  Hers were swollen, the bright yellow of her sclera riddled with red lines.  “Mom didn’t,” she replied.

   He turned away from her and took his arm away.  He folded his hands on his lap and looked out onto the water.  “Your mother was an exception.  They don’t have schools in the sea.”  Her father gently smiled, as though he was partial to a joke Lina did not understand.  “At least, not in the sense that we do.”

   “I want to go where she is,” Lina said.  “I want to find mom.  I don’t want to stay with the other kids.  They hate me.”

   “They don’t hate you.”

   “Yes they do!  You always say that they’re just jealous of me, but that’s not true!  They know I don’t belong with them, I’m just a stupid little fish-freak that they can make fun of whenever they want!”

   Her father was quiet.  He had known this would happen, Lina knew that.  When she was born and her mother swam up to the shore to deliver her baby to him, he knew that she would never be accepted.  No kind like hers ever was.  There was no crueler place for a half-human to be than a school filled with children.  

   “Lina,” her father said, using the name her mother had given her, “Put your feet in the water with me.”

   She frowned.  He never asked her to do that, he was usually very angry when she did without his permission.  Lina did what he said, relishing the feel of the cool water on her dry skin.  She felt her feet become slippery like the skin of a dolphin.  This was where she was meant to be.

   “How does it feel?” he asked.

   “Wonderful,” Lina replied without hesitation.  “The ocean is welcoming me back.”

   Her father’s back was hunched over, as though the effort of keeping it straight was now too much.  “Your mother used to say that,” he mumbled, “She told me the ocean would sing to her, sometimes.  Then it would growl when a storm came.”

   “It does sing.”  Lina reached down and scooped a handful of water in her hand.  It stayed, trapped between the webs in her fingers.  “Can you hear it, dad?  Listen really close.”

   He leaned down and moved his ears near the water she held out to him.  His weak smile faltered, his eyes becoming sad.

   “No, Leenie.  I can’t.”

   “I can.”  She started to hum, matching the gentle tune the water gave.  Somehow her humming began to form words, as though the water was feeding them into her ears and out of .  

   Lady Ocean, what do you see
   When the dawn is gone
   Lost in green

   Tell me you can see her there
   A girl with fire hair
   Lost from me

   Bring her to the great blue deep
   So I may see her sleep
   Lost, my Lina

   Lina’s eyes popped open.  Somehow they had closed while she sang, lost in the sounds the water carried.  When had she heard those words?  They had come unbidden, locked with her heart.  Her father placed a hand on her shoulder.  “That’s her, Lina.  I’m sure she misses you.”

   She looked across the water, to where the sun was beginning to set.  Soon the light would touch the horizon and turn the sky orange and purple, turning the ocean into a rainbow.  Her father stood beside her.  When Lina looked up, she saw that he was crying.

   “Twelve years is a long time,” he said.  “I’ve had more than my fair share.”

   He reached down and took his daughter’s hand.  He helped her up and drew her into his arms, pulling her into his chest.  “Do you want to see her?” he asked.

   “Can I?” Lina replied.

   “I always wanted you to grow up like the other kids.  To go to a good school and get married, bring me little grandchildren with pink cheeks and loud giggles.  But I know… I’ve known for years now, that it was never you.  You’re a being of the deep, just like your mother is.”

   Her father’s arms were shaking.  Lina clung to his heavy jacket, which he had to wear when he was outside.  The cold was harsh to him, the ocean always too chilly.  It was never that way for Lina.

   “I never wanted you to go in the water.  I was afraid you wouldn’t come back.  You’re right, Leenie.  You don’t belong with the kids at school, and you don’t belong with me.”

   He pulled her away from him and wiped his eyes with his sleeve.  “Go, he choked.  “Find mom.”  He stepped back from the edge of the dock, and tried to smile at her.  Lina glanced at the water, then back at her kind father.  

   She could still hear the ocean singing.  When she faced the land, where her father was with his crinkled eyes, there was only silence.  Her feet moved closer to the edge of the dock, toes curling over the wooden boards.

   Lina looked back at him.  “I’m not leaving forever.  I’m coming back.”

   Her father let out a short, dry laugh.  “Your mother said that too.  But the ocean called her too much.  The land was no place for her, even with me.”

   The gentle waves washed up and down the stony beach.  Her house, a small wooden building with trees all around, perched on the bluff.  It would be so empty there without her, so lonely.

   Lina ran back to her dad, and hugged him so tightly her arms hurt.  “I love you, daddy.”

   “I love you too Leenie.  So much.”

   He let her go.  She moved back to the edge, where she closed her eyes.  Her mother’s song filled her ears, the rush of waves poured into her body.  Her arms raised above her head, and she jumped.  

   The water caressed her skin, seeping into her frayed hair and tickling her eyes.  It was so easy to breathe, her lungs had never felt so free and strong.  With a powerful sweep of her legs Lina swam down, the crush of the water pressure no more than gentle kisses on her skin.  The song was strong here, all around.  Lina followed it, to where the sun would touch the horizon.

   Her father watched from the dock.  He knew it would the last he would see of the daughter with hair like fire, and the mother with the diamond tail.  A sad smile spread across his cheeks, and he stood to watch the water.  Lina would be where she belonged.

   The deep.

Thanks for reading!