Picture by J-DRAGON (Ririn Chapters Only*)

Reviewed by Setsuko

A. Title

I won't be doing this section since you've asked me to review the Ririn Chapters only.

B. Description & Foreword

I won't be doing this section since you've asked me to review the Ririn Chapters only.

C. The Plot, Characterization & Story Progress

Since this was only a four-shots I wouldn't say I've seen much of a specific plot going around in the story. I think it's more like a long scenario of Seungri trying to court CL. Here's my most honest opinion: The story was really cheesy. It started out okay, but then I began to cringe at their dialogues, and the constantly incorrect grammars (which I'll talk about in the next section) didn't help much either. The part where G-Dragon was talking about how he was planning to retire from soccer, it hadn't made an impact on me. It even felt pointless, although I'm suspecting that your multi-shots are connected to each other, so it might play a bigger role in other shots? Even if that's the case, it had felt useless in this one. It's fine how the other members are supporting him - but it doesn't seem realistic that they're just going by his way. I mean, they had to be at least a little surprised and might be trying to hold him back a little, right? Now, the scene where GD was trying to comfort Seungri was supposed to be heart-warming. If you had planned the dialogue right, that might happen. But instead, it's just plain cheesy and cliché. Seungri was so pumped up earlier and now he's just like a deflated balloon - I feel like you're skipping a step. "Hate turns into love." That was a very unrealistic way to comfort a person. Anyways, It's definitely interesting of the fact that you chose an athlete career for them, but throughout the story, it'd almost felt insignificant. Although it played a little role at the end, I didn't feel its presence. As if you just put it there to emphasize that they're human beings too. The characterization was okay. The characters weren't interesting - they weren't layered. There weren't depths in the characters, if you know what I'm saying. Now, moving on to story progress (Ah, this is really long.) the first two or three chapters, it was fine. There was a beginning, and then a conflict. But on the last chapter, I'd felt that you had skipped a stone again. CL wasn't sweet and weak to begin with. I know that she was playing hard to get, but when she suddenly cried and let her tears flow, I just didn't buy it. I mean, from your character set-up, I would've seen her saying it's fine but then go cry somewhere else and not being whiny about it. But then again, she had been playing tough and hard to get, so I wouldn't know a thing.

D. Grammar, Phrasing & Word Choices

The grammar wasn't the worse I have seen, but it certainly wasn't the best. I'm not going to list and help you correct all the mistakes, since I'm sure if you'd only go back to the multi-shots and re-read it again, you'll definitely find them easily on your own. You confused many of the tenses (although that was common,) forgot the punctuations and to capitalize, and only one time I've seen you replaced a letter with a number. (i.e., 3 for E) The word choices were simple and not confusing, so I was overall fine with it. I wasn't very pleased with the phrasing, especially the dialogues. It sounded, again, unrealistic and some of the times, very greasy (cheesy.) But I think it's not a very complicated matter to fix, so I think that would be the place you should work on the most to improve your writings.

Overall Rate: 1.5 out of 5 stars

Note: I hope you had knew beforehand that I could be very harsh orz. I sincerely apologize if I had offended you in any ways, but I do hope I had at least helped in some way. Thanks for requesting, and have a nice day!