characterisation [15/20]:

You portrayed your characters very well; I enjoy reading stories where authors reveal snippets of information about their character over the course of the story. I removed some marks because of the vague internal conflict of the characters. I never understood Himchan’s somehow-wrongdoing-to-cause-Yongguk-to-kill-him (apart from being the victim and the lover) and the why Yongguk wanted to kill him.

If it weren’t for that, I could definitely understand the sort of people you wanted to create.

grammar [20/20]:

Great job! Your grammar was practically flawless and I admire you for that! I’m super picky with grammar and even when there’s no mistake, I try to conjure some silly typo and make excuses /rolls/ but then yours was perfect.

I just thought I’d mention that even after the three periods break (…), it isn’t necessary to make it a capital. But that only happened once so I won’t be too picky about that. :p

originality [19/20]:

It’s one of the first stories I’ve seen with such plot. High commendations to you for achieving that! And finally a B.A.P story that isn’t about gangs! I swear every single B.A.P story I have read, this includes all the other hip-hop centric bands, are somehow linked to gangs and drug dealings.

Bonus point for not using that cliché!

plot [18/20]:

SO INTENSE. SO INTENSE URGH I LOVED IT. AMAZING. I was squirming and fidgeting the whole time. Why did you do this to me!

I would’ve given you full marks, but there’s just something missing and it’s confusing me a bit. Why did Yongguk want to hurt Himchan –kill him even? Like it says in the description: ‘what drove me to hurt him?’

I was still wondering what exactly prompted him to kill Himchan in such a gruesome way, at the end of the story. I read it over a couple of times trying to think but Yongguk’s character was just so neutral I couldn’t even interpret his mentality.

writing style [7/10]:

Your writing style isn’t overly flamboyant nor is it annoyingly simple. I liked it and it was easy to understand. Visualising each scene was easy especially when it’s very straightforward and there’s nothing ambiguous for us to interpret.

Though sometimes, I thought that you could’ve elaborated more on the details of the killing and his feelings towards the end. It’s in those scenes where I thought you lacked visualisation. 

title [4/5]:

Your title was great. It wasn’t too common, and it also captured my attention. I loved how you played on the title in the last sentence of your story. It wasn’t too vague but it didn’t reveal the entire story.

appearance [5/5]:

Your general appearance was neat and clean, nothing flashy or bright anywhere. It was easy on the eyes and the whole dark aesthetic set the mood really well. The poster is great, I like how you incorporated the use of the animated gifs into it, otherwise I though it mightn’t have the same dark atmosphere!

overall mark/comments [88/100]:

I abso-freaking-lutely loved your story. I was just sitting there like squirming and feeling so, not uncomfortable, but like all ajdfhkjagfjsd everywhere and yeah, I just loved it. If you just had that characterisation and plot details down pat, I reckon this story would be top-notch.

Very well done on it! I’m looking forward to more stories written by you, and hopefully, with my noted improvements!