Songs listened to while writing this:

B1A4 – Fly Away

Ryeowook – One Fine Spring Day

B1A4 – Hey Girl

SS501 – Sky

Super Junior – Angela

Lee Jun Ki – One Word

Eric Nam – Someone Like You

F.T. Island – I Hope You Become My Lover

B1A4 – What’s Going On [Live]

Lunafly – Super Hero (English Version)

Show Luo – Only You

Fahrenheit – New Home

B1A4 – My Love

Infinite – Be Mine

Seo In Guk – Shake It Up

SHINee – Honestly

 

So before I start writing, let me just give you an overview about what this is about, which are basically my feelings right now, but it’s not my feelings towards Puppy or anyone that I met while I was at university, since I’m currently done for the summer, but it’s my feelings towards my family at this current moment. I won’t dive into too much detail, but it’s basically just me writing this down and basically telling all of you…because I feel as though I need to write this down and tell someone, but it’s not like I could tell my sister or my friends, since it is almost eleven thirty at night. So hence me telling you, so if you don’t want to read it, I won’t get offended, but if you are going to read on, that’s basically what it’s going to be about, so it could get a bit serious at times.

 

And just wondering, should I perhaps do a weekly blog post about questions or things that are currently bothering me? I mean, I could just express my feelings about certain things and about what I hear from people or read on websites. If you’re interested, things could also be sent to me and I could write my thoughts on them. It’s just a stray thought in my head, but nothing serious yet.

 

But anyway, before I start diving into things, let me give you an overview of my family. There are six people. I’m the oldest of four children, with one younger brother and two younger sisters. I’m adopted and so is one of my younger sisters, she’s a year younger than I am. After that, my parents have two of their own, one boy and one girl. So that basically makes up my family right there, slightly complicated, yes, but overall, that’s what it is.

 

In my family, all of us are teenagers, all four of us. I’m the oldest and I’m nineteen and the youngest, my youngest sister, is fourteen, turning fifteen in five months. Anyway, since we’re all teenagers, of course arguments are bound to happen between our parents, some worse than others, I mean that’s what all teenagers do, right? Some teenagers act out and go through rebellious stages, but my sister and I aren’t like that, well one of them.

 

My sister and I are the oldest two, we’re well behaved and rarely ever speak back to our parents, it’s only if they get us really mad we do. We also get good grades and are just good kids. My youngest two siblings, though, my brother and my sister, sometimes get into worse arguments with my parents, but it’s not because my parents compare all four of us or anything. In fact, I don’t remember them ever comparing any of us for anything.

 

Take for instance, my youngest sister isn’t very good with her schoolwork and she hopes to be a hair dresser or nail designer and work in that sort of industry, the salon industry. She’s only fourteen and she’s learning everything that has to do with that type of stuff, even doing her own nails, spending like three hours sometimes doing them, and doing her own hair and she’s just fourteen. However the grades on her report card are average, they’re C’s. Meanwhile her older siblings always got A’s or B’s in school, we rarely ever came home with C’s. Even with that, my parents don’t compare us in any way. I mean, I’m going to a great engineering school to become an engineer and my younger sister got into an ivy league school for business, but even with that, they don’t compare us, so it’s not like the arguments start from there.

 

Honestly, in my opinion, the arguments start from stupid things. Realistic things, yet they’re just stupid things that end up turning into a big fight.

 

And the reason that I’m writing this is because my brother got into an argument with my parents tonight and with some of the things that they were saying to each other, I have to say that I agree with my brother on some things, not my parents.

 

The argument tonight was that he lied about turning the pool filter off. He had forgotten about it and went downstairs into the basement and turned it off secretly, only as he was coming back upstairs, my mother heard his feet causing her to question what he was doing downstairs. I didn’t hear the whole dialogue between them, only what my sister told me as she came back into our room, but she said that he apparently said that he already turned the filter off and that wasn’t what he was doing, but since my brother lies frequently, my mother didn’t believe it and ended up yelling at him for it. I don’t know when she told him to turn it off, so I don’t know how long it was on totally, but I think that she should’ve just thanked him that he actually remembered after he already came upstairs to go turn it off, not yell at him because he simply forgot something.

 

Then there was an even bigger agument. I’m not even sure how it came about, but the only thing I know is that it was my parents verses my brother. My father had come home from work and when I went to go take a shower, I heard them yelling at one another. I don’t know how this argument started, but I’m guessing someone said something to him when he was going to go take his contacts out and being the boy, he couldn’t just shut up and take it.

 

That’s another thing. I’m not trying to paint my parents in a bad light and I’m not trying to paint my brother in a bad light either, but my brother doesn’t know when to shut up. He likes to cause trouble, and I know he does, but most of the time it’s just harmless fun. Most of the time he likes to poke fun at things and I honestly think it’s funny, but my parents don’t really think the same. I mean, I laugh at his jokes, but my mom always tells me not to because it only encourages him. Sometimes, though, they’re really funny.

 

Yet my parents do have a point, sometimes my brother is rude, but I like to think of it as being blunt. My brother tells the truth, he tells it like it is, and that’s exactly like my mom. She’ll tell you that she’ll say things exactly as they are, and my brother does that, too. Only my mom doesn’t like how he phrases it sometimes, which causes him to get into more trouble. So right there, there’s already some friction between my parents and my brother.

 

Before my dad and my brother got into a physical fight, it was a brief physical fight, but once again, it stemmed from something stupid. My brother called my youngest sister something that’s not exactly nice to say, it’s not cursing, but it’s not nice…and if you want to know, it’s another word for stupid that’s offensive to some people, but we weren’t outside. That doesn’t justify him calling her that, but we were inside our house. My youngest sister could’ve easily let it go, because, honestly, since she’s the youngest, we tend to pick on her the most, instead she decided to complain and keep complaining which resulted in my father getting involved.

 

I think we were setting up for a party that day, but I don’t remember what type of party. The next thing I know is that suddenly my father and my brother are like fighting, punching each other and headlocks going. It wasn’t fun and games, it was dead serious. My youngest sister is yelling at them to stop almost on the verge of tears and my mom is telling her to leave them go because my brother is rude, and that’s what she justified it with, him being rude.

 

I understand that my brother is sometimes rude, but he’s never rude to other people, he only says his opinion in the house when the only people that are going to hear it are people that would have tracking devices in our house. My brother only says rude things about other people to my family, and even then he’ll say something rude about a member of the family, but most of the time it’s true. Surely none of this justifies anything that he says, but I don’t understand what they would have to result to violent means just because he’s rude.

 

Sure sometimes he mouths off, but he’s a teenaged boy, what else is he supposed to do? Honestly, though, sometimes I want to step in and say something, too, but I at least know better than to say something because what happens to him could happen to me. I guess you could say that I admire him for being able to stand up to our parents and say all of the things that I’m unable to say. I guess with having two well-behaved girls before the boy spoiled my parents a bit and I guess it did set their standards, so maybe the whole comparing us thing isn’t as true as I thought it was.

 

But I remember that day that they physically fought with one another. I think it shocked me and my youngest sister the most. I don’t remember where my other sister was, but I’m pretty sure it would’ve shocked her as well. It happened while I was in college and I was home for the weekend, and I remember sitting there thinking to myself something along the lines of and that’s why I don’t come home or why I shouldn’t come home because of that.

 

Just because he says rude things doesn’t justify hitting him and just because he doesn’t like things that go on doesn’t justify him saying them aloud and possibly offending people, nothing justifies anything.

 

Still, though, the argument tonight was stupid and when my brother’s mad, and when my parents are mad, they tend to say things that aren’t very nice to one another, which turns into more riffs between them. I sincerely think that one day my brother is going to leave home and never come back. Not like run away, but when he goes off, or rather after he graduates from high school, whether he goes to college or not, but he probably will, I don’t think he’ll ever come back.

 

He’s angry at them, I know he is. And my parents are angry at him, I know they are. So I think if they just talked it out, everything will be good, but that won’t happen, and I know that that won’t happen because they won’t ever be able to last long enough to say anything nice to one another.

 

I do think my mother is uptight about some things, though. She likes for everything to be perfect and she likes to take pride in us. One thing we frequently hear from her is how disoriented we look now by the way we dress and by the way our hair is and that before she would always have our hair nicely done and we wouldn’t be dressed like hooligans, meaning we wouldn’t be wearing jeans and a t-shirt and our hair, for girls, just wouldn’t be down and straight, it’d be up with a bow or something holding it in place. That’s something that we hear from her the most, talking about our appearance, but our appearances aren’t that bad, compared with some other people, but to my mom, it’s not enough.

 

There’s also when she’s setting up for a party. Everything has to be perfect, from the way the cookies look to how things are set up. And I get it, she wants it to be nice, but not everything that can perfect the entire way around and there is where my mom and I bump heads the most.

 

My personality is that of carefree, I could care less about what the cookies look like because it’s not like people actually pay attention to that, and I don’t care what other people think about me because it’s their own opinions, but to my mom, she’s the total opposite. I want her to let loose a little and she wants me to care more.

 

That’s what created most of the arguments that we had with one another while I was in college. Family members, including my immediate family, would ask me if I liked being home and asked if I missed it and my honest answer is no. Sure that may seem mean, but it’s true. I’m a person that’s easily adaptable to any place and I just saw no difference because I can sort of separate my university life with my life at home, if that makes sense. To me, they’re two different entities separated in my mind, so I don’t compare them with one another, hence I didn’t really miss home. Get it?

 

But that always angered her, she wanted to know why I didn’t miss home when I was there and I couldn’t explain it because she’d think I was crazy. She’d just go on about how I don’t appreciate anything and about how she didn’t raise me to be like this, but it’s not like I can help it now can I? Just because she didn’t raise me like this doesn’t mean that I’m not like this in any way. Just because you raise a person doesn’t mean that they’re going to adapt all of the methods that you have, they’re their own person and they have their own personality and thoughts and opinions and sometimes there’s just no reason for that.

 

And I have thought about running away from home. I’ve never actually done it, but I have thought about it. I thought about what it would be like, and before I used to keep money in one of my drawers, when I got paid under the table at an ice cream parlor, I had more than a hundred dollars saved up just in case I did think about going through with running away, but I’m too wimpy to do that, I would never be able to, but the thoughts did come.

 

The same arguments, about my not really caring about anything and her worrying too much, did happen when I was applying to college. My family isn’t extremely wealthy, but we’re not in poverty and poor either. We’re middle class, that’s all we are and the university that I attend isn’t the cheapest school out there, but I’m the one paying for it, so what does it matter? But she always brings it up, how I could’ve gone to a cheap school, but that’s not what I wanted.

 

Back when I was applying, she would ask me why I wasn’t doing anything, like filling out scholarships and looking for money asking me why I wasn’t doing this or wasn’t doing that and the answers that I gave her were never enough.

 

There was one where she was talking to me about college and I told her that I just thought it was expected of me. All of my life people have told me that I’m smart and that I could be a doctor or an engineer or someone like that and I just grew up thinking that college was always in the equation, and that I had no choice but to go, but she didn’t understand that. She said that that’s stupid and asked me where I came up with that from, but unlike my brother, I just said that I didn’t know and that conversation stopped.

 

I guess that’s my go-to phrase, “I don’t know.”

 

But anyway, getting back on what this blog post was originally about, I have to agree with my brother on some of the things that they argue about because sometimes my parents…well sometimes they aren’t the most understanding people in the world. And I get it, they want the best for us, but sometimes the best for us could just be listening to us.

 

I also guess that we’re this way because we’re all spoiled. I’ll tell anyone that I’m spoiled, that we’re all spoiled. We all get what we want and we don’t have any chores because my parents do it all, but because we’re older now, they’re starting to add more responsibilities and then they get angry at us when we don’t do it right or because we don’t do anything. I guess it’s just because we always expect people to do things for us.

 

Anyway, this wasn’t attempting to paint anyone in a bad light. It was simply just something to express my thoughts and get it out of me because I honestly don’t know how much I can handle and it’s not like I can tell anyone around here because they all think that I don’t care about anything and shrug things off. If I were to express myself, they’d probably all laugh at me.

 

But I understand where my parents are coming from, they want the best for their children. They want us to be responsible and grow, but I also understand where my brother is coming from because sometimes my parents are too much and do need a reality check, like this is what teenagers are like and this is how the world functions now.

 

But those are only my opinions.

 

And before I end this for good, because this is an extremely long rant, let me just say this. If anyone’s watching the show ‘Breaking Amish’ then you’ll know what I’m talking about, if you don’t, then you can just ignore this, that is if you’re still reading. But my mom and my youngest sister like to watch that show. most of the time I just happen to be in the room on my laptop. Well one of the girls on that show is adopted, well two people are adopted, and the girl found her family. More than once, the boy who’s adopted keeps saying that adopted kids only wonder why their parents gave them up and they’re just curious.

 

But that’s not true.

 

Sure, they’re raised Amish so maybe they would wonder about that, but kids that are adopted don’t always think that. I know a good number of adopted children, me included, and we don’t wonder why our parents gave us up all the time. Most of us kind of even forget we’re adopted sometimes because it doesn’t cross our mind. Our lives don’t focus around us being adopted. I think some of us are curious as to why our biological parents gave us up, but it’s not like we’re obsessing over it all of the time.

 

Anyway, this is the end of this very long blog post.

I hope you all have a good morning, good afternoon, or goodnight. And maybe I’ll see you all soon.