-Title (8/10)-The title matches the story, which is a major point for me. In my opinion, the title ‘I Regret’ is a little cliché. With the title ‘I Regret’, people can easily guess the storyline: he/she regrets his decision, and his/her lover gets into so much pain because of him/her. I’m a fan of sad stories, but I do hope sad stories aren’t that cliché.

-Foreword/description (12/15)-Both the description and the foreword has an ‘inviting’ feeling to it. It gets people wanting to read the story. Unfortunately, there are a few minor grammar mistakes at both description and foreword.

“My head feels really hurt” doesn’t actually make sense. What would be correct is “My head hurts”. It’s simple yet effective, nae?

Also, “It’s oneshot.” As we all know, “it’s” is a contraction for it is or it has. So, let’s just disassemble the contraction and see what sentences can we get from “It’s oneshot.” What we get is “It is oneshot” or “It has oneshot.”—a typical grammar mistake. There should be an “a” between the “It’s” and the “oneshot”. What you get is “It’s a oneshot,” or if we disassemble it, “It is a oneshot.”

Now, if English isn’t your first language, I accept that—everyone makes that mistake time to time. But if your grammar is near-perfect, even though you use English as a second language, everyone will be super-impressed. Take pinboo for example. She comes from a country where not everyone can speak English properly and fluently, yet her fanfictions are written in near-perfect grammar. People are impressed by her. You’d like it if people are impressed by your writing, don’t you? :3

-Appearance (7/10)-The poster clearly gives the sad feeling, a plus from me. But not the background. Blue, green and purple pinstripes don’t really give a ‘sad’ ambience. Those colors would be perfect for romance stories, but not sad. I recommend you use sad, dark colors (only not too dark) like maybe pale gray or the color of tears?

-Characterization (18/20)-I absolutely love the way you describe Jessica and Kris. Jessica’s stubborn nature is clearly depicted in this story, while Kris, being the ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ due to Jessica’s outburst is also described quite well. If only you can dig deeper to both characters, that would be super awesome.

-Writing skills (13/20)-Grammar, grammar and more grammar! Like I said before, perfect grammar can impress readers. And besides, it doesn’t feel good when someone else judges your story simply because of some silly grammar mistakes. So let’s try to fix those, shall we?

“I thought he was doing activities in the club. But, he teaches another girl besides me to play basketball.” There are two problems here: misuse of proposition and tense confusion (I actually found a lot of tense confusion along the story, but I can’t actually figure out the perfect tense to use). Propositions like ‘in’, ‘on’, and ‘at’ should be used properly. Because he was doing something at a place, you should use the proposition ‘at’. So, instead of “…activities in the club,” try “…activities at the club.”

“But, he teaches another girl besides me to play basketball.” The word ‘but’ doesn’t actually fit the sentence. You’re trying to say that when she thought he was doing activities in the club, he was actually teaching another girl how to play basketball. Try to rephrase the sentence, it should actually sound like this:

“I thought he was doing activities at the club. Instead, he was teaching another girl how to play basketball.”

“I love Kris and I want he doesn’t look at other girls.” In my opinion, this sentence does not really make much sense. Try writing this: “I love Kris and I want him to not look at other girls.”

“…suddenly there was a basketball bounces towards me.” Two words in a row, using s? Big no. Instead: “…suddenly, a basketball starts to bounce to my direction.” It’s a little ineffective, but it’s better than a grammar mistake.

“But… my eyes began teary when I remember that.” Teary is an adjective, not a verb. Try “my eyes began to tear up when I remember that.”

“Ask her did she still mad to me?” This sentence, in my opinion, has no meaning. Try to rephrase it so it sounds a little like this: “Can you ask her if she’s still mad at me?”

But, all in all, composition is very structural and good to read. Keep it up!
 

-Originality and creativity (17/20)-Awesome plot! You manage to develop a typical sad story into something very relatable. The chocolate part adds a lot to the sadness. Although, the plot you pick is a little cliché. Try writing a sad, not-that-cliché story.
 

-Extra (5/5)-Full marks for making me cry and putting one of my favorite OTPs there. Good job! ^^
 

TOTAL: (80/100)

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