Dear ex best friend!

I really wish things weren’t like they are right now. I wish we were still as close as two years ago, that you would still be the person that I told everything for, the person who first came to my mind when something good happened or the first person I think of when something bad happens.

Because I truly miss the old days. When we would talk for hours about everything and nothing, or just simply having each other on Skype while watching a movie. Nobody saying a word.

I miss our friendship.

It is really unfortunate that you had to take the boy I liked. The boy I had talked to for two years, my first kiss. I am really trying to convince myself that I have forgiven you, after all I told you I have. But it is really hard to wish you happiness with someone I once shared so many memories with. I hated you. I honestly hated you for a while but then I came to think of everything we have been through, and I did not like the person who was hating her ex best friend. I did not want to let your relationship affect my happiness. So I forced myself to think from your perspective, to understand and to forgive. And possibly forget.

But now, two years later, I still cannot get that thorn out of my chest. Every time your name is mentioned, I can not help but feel disgusted, mad, angry, furious and betrayed. Even after your break up. I thought I would become happy this way but the hatred, or perhaps it is more of a feeling of betrayal and disappointment, remains. It just seems as if I can’t bring myself to let go of those feelings.

If you had not taken him that summer when I was in China. Who knows, perhaps we would still have been best friends?