My Best Friend, My Love by kelzbels98

Title(3/5):Your title is ok.But it also sounds like one of those typical love stories.

Poster &Background(4.5/10):You have no background so I won't judge you on that.However, your poster should be more appealing and also give off the type of theme that your story actually is. Honestly, I don't see any symbolism whatsoever in the posters because I only see four pictures and a title in the centre which also looks like it doesn't suit the poster. It'd be nice if you could use high quiality pictures for your posters,too.You can re-do your poster or just request from a shop (you can find many on aff).

Description & Foreword(4/10):It would be great if you could extend your description just a little bit.As for your foreword, I can already see some mistakes there.

 

Originality (5/10):I thought it was alright, even though  I still think I can find other stories on here with similar storylines.

Flow(5/10):The flow of the story is good, it doesn't seem too rushed. In fast, it makes me want to read more due to anticipation because I somehow felt disappointed.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary(20/10): Although it was well paragraphed and so on, I could find many mistakes.

-The first problem started in the 'Foreword' section.

'she comes home to heartbreak and betrayal when she finds out her boyfriend Choi Seunghyun has been cheating on her with her bandmate Park Bom.'

It should be 'she comes home only to feel heartbroken and betrayed when she finds out her boyfriend Choi Seunghyun,has been cheating on her with her bandmate Park Bom.'

-It would also be better if you took out the 'Do you wonder what will be in store for them?Good cause I do.Heheh ;)' because it seems childish.

-CHAPTER 1

'First thing first though, I have to go see him. Choi Seunghyun, my boyfriend of two years.' (It should be 'First thing is first though, I have to go see him; Choi Seunghyun, my boyfriend of two years.')

'"Ah,I can't wait to see him." I thought to myself.' (You don't need to put 'to myself'.)

-'Anymore' is one word.

'Dialed' is wrong. It should be 'Dialled'

'Someone who has been there for me always when I was in need.' ('Someone who has always been there for me when I needed him')

'I smiled a smile of relief' ('I smiled in relief')

"NO!,HOW COULD YOU!" ("No!How could you?!")

"I HATE YOU CHOI SEUNGHYUN!I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN OR THAT !" ("I HATE YOU,CHOI SEUNGHYUN!I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU OR THAT AGAIN!")

'...and I went inside, he tried to grab hold on me' ('...and I went inside. He tried to grab a hold of me')

'...and out the door furious,betrayed,confused and everything else that you could possibly think of.' ('...and out the door feeling furious,betrayed, confused and everything else that you could possibly think of.')

-CHAPTER 2-

-The phonecall should be in italics.

-It should be "Thanks,Jay." to end the phonecall and the rest should continue in a new paragraph.

'I looked to the ground' ('I looked at the ground')

'He he stoked my hair and my back...' ('He my hair and my back...')

'I pulled my head from out of his chest...' ('I pulled my head away from his chest...')

*There is more in here, but it would be too much.

-CHAPTER 3-

*Can I just please ask that you don't put things in such as 'Oppa' 'Unnie' '-insert name- -ah' 'Eoseo' 'masjoh-eun' etc. in the story. This can lead to the reader's confusion because they might not know what those words mean. If you're going to a fanfiction with english, stick with it and don't put those korean words in. In my case, I had no clue what 'Eoseo' and 'Masjoh-eun' meant, SO PLEASE keep this in mind.

-Remember to use capitilization at the start of sentences or dialogues.

Overall, its good but you just need to work on your English.

Overall Score:41.5/55

75.5%