My Name Is Seong Yu Jin

13 years old, turning 14 this September.

I'm a sone and an avid Sooyoung's fan.

I love her so much.

I really love her that I even got to the point  that I posted a lot of pictures of her inside my room.

There's a lot of picture of her that even my GF, got jealous of it.

And If you're wondering if I'm gay, yes I am.

She asked me to remove those but I didnt follow her.

We always got into a fight because of her jealousy on Sooyoung.

She said that I love Sooyoung more than her.

To be honest with you, I was kinda annoyed by it.

She knows that I'm a sooyoungster and she hates that fact.

Months ago, I took my gap from her.

And I became close with her bestfriend, the half Japanese girl.

That woman is so funny, she never failed making me laugh.

I always spend time with her.

Its either she's in my house or I'm in her's.

She always ask me if I love her bestfriend.

And I just answer her with my usual, ''I do''

But she didnt believe me so she invited her bestfriend to come.

There was an awkward silent between us three.

So I decided to brake it by walking away.

That was the last time I saw her.

That was 6 weeks ago.

But then, I decided to make things up on her.

We made up and talked again like there's no tomorrow.

But that didnt stop me from spending time with her bestfriend.

Without her knowing it.

Why does she have to know about it anyway?

She's not my mom.

She's just my girlfriend.

Nothing more.

And as time goes by

I suddenly felt something strange towards her bestfriend.

And still continued going out with her.

Until one day, I send her away.

She's going to study to another City.

Away from me.

The time that I saw her walking away

I felt my heart crushing

I felt like, I have no life at all.

The girl that used to make me smile

Is now living in another city

I cant see her pesnally that often anymore.

But that didnt stop us from talking with each other

I call her everyday.

When I wake up, after lunch, during afternoon and before I sleep.

I lack time time for my GF because of that.

Its like my day wont be complete without talking with that crazy japanese woman.

And few days ago, my girlfriend asked me.

''Did you fall for her already?''

We were talking on the phone

And the moment that, that question slipped off .

I accidentally dropped my phone.

Where did she get that question?

I didnt talk with her again.

As I was busy asking myself.

Did I fall for that girl already?

To be honest with you

I dont know

But there's a guilt in me.

What if I did?

Would that be considered as cheating?

Did I cheat on her?

I think I did. But her bestfriend, has no feelings for me.

She's not the type of person who you want to fall in love with because she dont know whats love.

She never had boyfriend and but she dumped a lot of boys.

She used to tell me that she love me but I know that love was just ''as friend''

Or maybe not.

I dont know.

I really dont know.

I'll be a grade 8 student this monday.

I'll get to meet my girlfriend again.

What should I do when she talk to me?

What should I say?

Should I just act like nothing happened?

Or just explain everything and admit my mistake?

But admitting that will just hurt her.

I dont know what to do.

I'm confused :(