Review for GreenGardenPop

 

Title - Under the Starry Night Sky

Chapter Count - 1

 

  • Title (3/5) - “Under the Starry Night Sky” is the title of your one shot. I like how it doesn't look random, and it matches the plot of your story extremely well. However, as I searched it up, I found out that there are actually a few other stories with the same title. It is also not as striking as I hoped it would be. In the end, I subtracted points because of those two reasons. 



    Description/Foreword (6/10) – I first want to comment how much I admire your story's foreword. It's a one shot collection, I am certain, but you were able to give a preview of every single story. It's neat; I l like it! I also enjoy the fact that it gave away the main points of the one shot without shouting every potential word. However, the main point of the story is that she fell in love at first sight. To be frank, it was not at all emphasized in the actual one shot. This part was immensely important, but you did not properly execute it. I'll mention more when I rate your story's flow. 


    Characters and Characterization (20/20) – Let me see, Jiyeon is slightly confident, sincere, loving and daring. Myungsoo, on the other hand, is playful (to an extent), blunt (in the end) and easily soothed (by her music). Even if the one shot was short, you showed off these two character's personalities very well. Great job here! 



    Appearance – (5/5) – The background was black, but the font color was contrastingly white. If it's like this, everything is readable. Though I was honestly somewhat taken aback when I first took a glimpse at the format, there is truly nothing wrong with it in the end. I also think the spacing, font and size are done well.


    Grammar (13/20) – Although many of your mistakes are small such comma placements and prepositions, I still found several parts in your work which can definitely be improved. Also, I realized that your usage of verb tenses is very inconsistent. If you stick with past tense (which I suggest) stay with it all throughout your story.


    Flow (4/10) – I wondered sometimes if your story was a one shot or a drabble. The reason for this is mainly because there was only one clear situation, and one shots usually have more events. Yours, at least, had a full plot development, but there was a lack of conflict. On another note (I started talking about this when I first graded your description and foreword), a main point in your summary was that Jiyeon fell in love with Myungsoo at first sight. However, you spent only 2 immensely short stanzas telling (not even describing) that vital fact. If you won't put a flashback or add their first meeting in the start of the story, then remove the 2 stanzas completely and change your summary.


    Originality (9/10) – Although it was the girl who serenaded the boy instead of the other way around, this type of plot is still immensely common. It was sweet though! 


    Overall enjoyment (15/20) – Although I did not enjoy the stars and moon's personification, the lollipop - “I want to eat/ you” - part, the blunt confession and the kissing scene, I admit that I especially liked the start; there was almost nothing to correct there. In the end, it was a sweet, fluffy, confession story. 



    Total – 75/100



    Personal Thoughts – Your story does have a lot of potential. The mistakes that I pointed out are easy to fix, and I liked the sweet touches in your story. “Under the Starry Night Sky” is honestly my first MyungYeon fanfic, but I liked it. Overall, great job!

     
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