GreenGardenPop's Heartfelt Voice (Review)
GreenGardenPop's Heartfelt Voice ( http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/413941) (Very Harsh)
Originality (15/20):
Your foreword was interesting, the poem was cute, and it didn't give away anything so that's good.
Not bad. Not bad at all. Or maybe it is because I don't read so many psycho-genre fictions. (I prefer angst and stuff)
And because psychological fictions are more difficult to write, props to you for being brave enough to start one yourself.
Grammar (7/10):
Even though English isn't your first language, I like your attempt of adding more vocabulary, but sometimes, I feel like you don't need to over-explain some things or overuse the same descriptive words; this may bore a reader.
Flow (7/15):
I found it too fast, and I got caught up in some parts. Like when Jiyeon somehow "fights" with Yoona and then so willingly follows her to find Myungsoo. If I were Jiyeon, I wouldn't do so, no matter how curious I was. I would find out things in my own way (I'm sure others will do so too) Your characters change too fast, the plot seems a bit too fast, and some people might get confused. Some may not even have the patience to read on to clear their confusion.
Plot (10/15 points):
I find that originality and plot is about the same (brother and sister, siblings, twins? Eh, what am I saying), so I'm not going to say much. Some parts are typical, while some parts aren't. Some parts are predictable, and some parts aren't. Vague, aren't I? Moving on.
Characterization (11/20):
I can understand that Jiyeon may seem to have problems or is crazy/insane because she is talking to herself. However, almost everyone is bipolar in this story. Same point, it's confusing, everybody else has fast-changing personalities. Or maybe it's because of your grammar. I like how there are twists in the story. But the bad thing is, these changes too fast. Yoona and Myungsoo show their "true colours" quickly. I'm still confused, so is Yoona angry at Jiyeon or not? Why were Jiyeon and Yoona fighting about the lizard and then went off to find Myungsoo? I know if I was mad at someone, I would stay far away from him or her.
Enjoyment (13/20):
Your title is definitely one of a kind, and even though I'm not a fan of your main characters, I would read on because the story is so intense that it leaves the reader wondering what would happen next. On the other hand, it does not particularly excite me, make me cry or laugh. Perhaps it's because the story isn't that into depth yet.
*BONUS* Graphics (3/5):
To be honest, I don't really like the poster, because it doesn't give me any hint of what the story is about or the general direction it is going towards. And extra point because there were clearly 2 Myungsoos.
Total Score (66/100 points):
Honestly, I don't know if I'm strict enough. Good luck on your story though! :)
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